Dear Red States,
(k, unfortunately, I neither know the author of this - I spotted it on facebook and the poster didn't know either, nor have I fact checked it. So...aside from the fact that I have no idea where it came from or if any of it is true... I present this for your amusement)
Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii , Oregon,
Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois
and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the
nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New
California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave
states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get
Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama .
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red
states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back
from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your
evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to
their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show
pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you
success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not
willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80
percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the
pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95
percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at
state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high
tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,
sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus
Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with
88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of
the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of
Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah
was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is
sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent
say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was
involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b ** ***ds believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico .
Peace out,
Blue States
Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii , Oregon,
Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois
and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the
nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New
California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave
states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get
Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama .
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red
states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back
from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your
evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to
their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show
pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you
success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not
willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80
percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the
pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95
percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at
state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high
tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,
sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus
Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with
88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of
the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of
Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah
was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is
sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent
say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was
involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b ** ***ds believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico .
Peace out,
Blue States