big bad image heavy year-end post
i've been seeing these 2009 and aughts memes floating around my friends list... i don't make resolutions because i don't keep them. change has to be more lasting than that. but what i do is remember, and hopefully, evolve.
i'm not gonna sit here and talk about my decade. it started when i was 19. i barely remember most of it. a lot of it is a blur. i could sit and write about my profession and how i loved it, or how hard my life has become, or everything my family has lived through. but i already wrote about all of that, so it's just redundant now.
instead, i submit to you that i learned where i belong in the last ten years. i learned who i want to be, and what i want. i had my heart broken.
i grew up.
this year actually has two theme songs, but one fits better than the other...
"16th of June, nine 0-five, door bell rings
Man at the door says if I want to stay alive a bit longer
There’s a few things I need you to know.
... Three.
..coming from a long line of travelling sales people on my mother’s side
I wasn’t gonna buy just anyone’s cockatoo
So why would I invite a complete stranger into my home?
Would you?
These days are better than that.
These days are better than that.
Every day I die again, and again I’m reborn.
Every day I have to find the courage
To walk out
into the street
With arms out
Got a love you can’t defeat
Neither down or out
There’s nothing you have that I need...
I can breathe.
Breathe, now.
16th of June, Chinese stocks are going up
And I’m coming down with some new Asian virus
Ju Ju man, Ju Ju man
Doc says you’re fine, or dying.
Please.
Nine 0-nine, St John Divine, on the line, my pulse is fine
But I’m running down the road like loose electricity
While the band in my head plays a striptease
...Walk out into the street
Sing your heart out.
The people we meet
Will not be drowned out.
There’s nothing you have that I need...
I can breathe.
Breathe, now.
We are people borne of sound.
The songs are in our eyes
Gonna wear them like a crown
Walk out, into the sunburst street
Sing your heart out, sing my heart out...
I’ve found grace inside a sound..
I found grace, it’s all that I found.
...And I can breathe.
Breathe, now."
things i did this year that i never had before, in no particular order: got paid to choreograph. got roofied. dyed my hair blue. went to a sex toy party. saw the pacific ocean. peed in the woods. tested video games for money. had a one-night stand. went to PAX. became an aunt. got my purse stolen. got a washington state driver's license. slept on a futon. watched 'heroes.' got a tattoo in a highly visible place. went to gasworks. drove through stevens pass. received cocaine as a birthday present. threw my own wake. was the subject of a few photo shoots. understood my mother perfectly, and knew she understood me.
things i will do this year that i never have before: go easier on myself, with the following in mind....
life is easier, if you're breathing. and not setting yourself on fire in order to be reborn. i still have a lot going on, but... i got this.
i'm not gonna sit here and talk about my decade. it started when i was 19. i barely remember most of it. a lot of it is a blur. i could sit and write about my profession and how i loved it, or how hard my life has become, or everything my family has lived through. but i already wrote about all of that, so it's just redundant now.
instead, i submit to you that i learned where i belong in the last ten years. i learned who i want to be, and what i want. i had my heart broken.
i grew up.
this year actually has two theme songs, but one fits better than the other...
"16th of June, nine 0-five, door bell rings
Man at the door says if I want to stay alive a bit longer
There’s a few things I need you to know.
... Three.
..coming from a long line of travelling sales people on my mother’s side
I wasn’t gonna buy just anyone’s cockatoo
So why would I invite a complete stranger into my home?
Would you?
These days are better than that.
These days are better than that.
Every day I die again, and again I’m reborn.
Every day I have to find the courage
To walk out
into the street
With arms out
Got a love you can’t defeat
Neither down or out
There’s nothing you have that I need...
I can breathe.
Breathe, now.
16th of June, Chinese stocks are going up
And I’m coming down with some new Asian virus
Ju Ju man, Ju Ju man
Doc says you’re fine, or dying.
Please.
Nine 0-nine, St John Divine, on the line, my pulse is fine
But I’m running down the road like loose electricity
While the band in my head plays a striptease
...Walk out into the street
Sing your heart out.
The people we meet
Will not be drowned out.
There’s nothing you have that I need...
I can breathe.
Breathe, now.
We are people borne of sound.
The songs are in our eyes
Gonna wear them like a crown
Walk out, into the sunburst street
Sing your heart out, sing my heart out...
I’ve found grace inside a sound..
I found grace, it’s all that I found.
...And I can breathe.
Breathe, now."
things i did this year that i never had before, in no particular order: got paid to choreograph. got roofied. dyed my hair blue. went to a sex toy party. saw the pacific ocean. peed in the woods. tested video games for money. had a one-night stand. went to PAX. became an aunt. got my purse stolen. got a washington state driver's license. slept on a futon. watched 'heroes.' got a tattoo in a highly visible place. went to gasworks. drove through stevens pass. received cocaine as a birthday present. threw my own wake. was the subject of a few photo shoots. understood my mother perfectly, and knew she understood me.
things i will do this year that i never have before: go easier on myself, with the following in mind....
life is easier, if you're breathing. and not setting yourself on fire in order to be reborn. i still have a lot going on, but... i got this.