Gentlemen, I have now sent you several notes of the most amiable nature.
God, what is WITH my moods lately? I have an idea, but as usual, I don't feel there is much to be done about it. I just...
It would be nice to have someone to come home with, instead of Star 101.5. Our conversations together are not so stimulating. I spent Friday night dozing during a movie, then playing online Scrabble during movie re-runs on TV. Scrabble and movies are fun and all, and quiet nights in are about to become a rarity - but that doesn't keep a girl warm on the cold winter nights coming up.
I have this whole fantasy life that is being lived without me. The kind where I wake up with someone, and we make brunch together on Saturday mornings. We make plans to go over to the peninsula and spend a long weekend exploring the rainforests and the coast and staying in B&B's, and I can take him along to keep my insanity with the family at Christmas (see below). And we plan stuff, and argue about whether or not we can fit a pint of ice cream into our grocery budget, and alternate watching macho-testerone films and romantic comedies. He can tell me about his childhood, and I learn that ticklish spot on the back on his neck (or wherever). Inside jokes and wet-towel-snapping contests and evening walks and just... stuff. He'd put up with my family, and probably even get along with most of them, and I'd met his parents and get his mom's recipe for homemade soup that he loves. Go to bed and read in our separate books for a while before one of us convinces the other that other activities might just be more entertaining than reading. Why is this life too much to ask for?
None of this is stuff I can't "technically" still do on my own, or with friends. And it's not like I'm not busy, or have a full life, or enjoy the things I'm already doing. But the intimacy factor is missing, although I do love my friends (just... not in the wake-up-together way. Usually.). It's been a long time since I've had any of that, and while it still scares the hell out of me to think of it, I want the chance to try with someone. I have a conflict of being scared to death of trying again, and yet wanting it so very much - ironically, I don't even have the option of saying yes or no, so this is all really a moot point. I've tried just about every way in the book (and no, not The Rules, I don't abide by that crap), online personals, friends who hook me up, random people in the store (or wherever), the office (bad idea so far), etc. I've heard that it's when you stop looking for it that it happens - so I have to stop wanting something in order to get it? It didn't use to be this hard. I see online personals and hear guys say this is what they want too, so um, why does this all just seem to be a pipe dream?
Crap. I didn't actually mean to write all of that. Well, yes, I did, because I've been writing it in my head for weeks and I needed to vent. But I don't really want any comments about "well, you're so young, you've still got time! don't give up hope! etc." because none of that is the problem. I'm just ... tired. I've tried to keep from going on and on and on about this aspect of my life for a while, because I know I drove/drive people crazy (at least one person got a large part of this in conversation last night), so I appreciate you bearing with me. I don't think I'll need to post on the subject again unless there is a change in the status quo.
Anyway, I had a strange occurance yesterday.
Jenni came over yesterday, and we bounced around the West Seattle Junction, got rid of old books and picked up some new, found the cutest guy ever at the bookstore (MUST go back more often!!! maybe he has a fantasy life too?), and then came home to find - that my door had been damaged and something had defecated in my apartment!
Oh. Em. Gee. What. The. Fuck. Bar. Be. Que. ?!?!?!?!
Checked windows - open, but the screens were intact. Door was damaged, but still closed and with no holes. So, where did the poo come from?! No clue. Clearly small-animal sized, not bird like or human like. SO DISTURBED! Had a thought that the crazy hippies down the hall from me had let their cats roam the halls again, and it had gotten in my place when I went down to let Jenni in. So I checked closets and under the furniture, but no cat. We went to the show (Lone Star Love, with Randy Quaid, review to come later), and I came back to see the following note, all spellings are not mine:
"Dear Catnaper,
My little miss Angel is quite abit of an adventurer.
She seems to have wondered into your flat. She has not been known to be a tyrant.
But if she has reeked havoc or there has been any necessary calls of nature I would be glad to take full responsibility.
I offer my aplogy.
Unite us once more
#35"
I'm thinking "oookay...?" Possibly my manager called them (after I talked to him about this) to ask if their cat was missing. But I walked in and still didn't see any living creature. Also, did not see any more feces, thankfully. So I start chatting on IM, and an HOUR and a HALF later, which is a quarter of one in the morning, I hear this "meow?" behind me.
OMGWTFBBQ^2?!?!?!
Apparently the cat had been hiding somewhere. So I let her out, and knocked quietly on the owner's door (didn't want to disturb if they were asleep), and left them a note briefly saying what happened.
Ugh. I have the wierdest things happen in my life.
I woke up this morning to an email from my sister (the first one in months that hasn't been a mass email to me and everyone they've ever met).
"Good Day-
I don't know what mom has told you about Christmas, but we are hosting Manel, Lydia, Tim , and all of Bill's family here. I don't know when everyone is arriving, but all of them will be here by xmas eve. Of course, you're cordially invited. Just let me know what your travel plans are. If you don't plan on driving, please consider taking the train so that it can drop off right in Oregon City, not downtown Portland.
Hope that work, social life, etc. is going well.
Talk to you soon-
Michelle"
OF COURSE I'm cordially invited? Fuck, I'm the last to know and she fully acknowledges that with her initial comment of not knowing what Mom's already told me. OF COURSE I'm going, but probably only for a couple of days. It's going to be so weird, and I'm going to be delighted to watch my sister host our brother's wife who we both agree is a heinous bitch in her own right (who knows, maybe they're all buddy-buddy now...). I also like how she throws in that cute little bit about "work, social life" etc., like she's trying to pretend as if she gives a damn about me and my life. If she cared, or if she'd forgiven me, she would call, or at least email on some kind of regular basis and actually ask about my life.
However, she did prove me wrong - I figured she was going to wait until Thanksgiving to ask me to take the time off for Christmas. Good for her! To any extent, I'll be going for the family, and she and I will just suck it up and avoid each other wherever possible, only talking to "please pass the mashed potatoes".
So I'm going to go vacuum now. Or maybe I'll just park it and watch the end of Van Wilder on TV. Or something. Thanks for watching, and until next time, "good afternoon, good evening and good night!"
It would be nice to have someone to come home with, instead of Star 101.5. Our conversations together are not so stimulating. I spent Friday night dozing during a movie, then playing online Scrabble during movie re-runs on TV. Scrabble and movies are fun and all, and quiet nights in are about to become a rarity - but that doesn't keep a girl warm on the cold winter nights coming up.
I have this whole fantasy life that is being lived without me. The kind where I wake up with someone, and we make brunch together on Saturday mornings. We make plans to go over to the peninsula and spend a long weekend exploring the rainforests and the coast and staying in B&B's, and I can take him along to keep my insanity with the family at Christmas (see below). And we plan stuff, and argue about whether or not we can fit a pint of ice cream into our grocery budget, and alternate watching macho-testerone films and romantic comedies. He can tell me about his childhood, and I learn that ticklish spot on the back on his neck (or wherever). Inside jokes and wet-towel-snapping contests and evening walks and just... stuff. He'd put up with my family, and probably even get along with most of them, and I'd met his parents and get his mom's recipe for homemade soup that he loves. Go to bed and read in our separate books for a while before one of us convinces the other that other activities might just be more entertaining than reading. Why is this life too much to ask for?
None of this is stuff I can't "technically" still do on my own, or with friends. And it's not like I'm not busy, or have a full life, or enjoy the things I'm already doing. But the intimacy factor is missing, although I do love my friends (just... not in the wake-up-together way. Usually.). It's been a long time since I've had any of that, and while it still scares the hell out of me to think of it, I want the chance to try with someone. I have a conflict of being scared to death of trying again, and yet wanting it so very much - ironically, I don't even have the option of saying yes or no, so this is all really a moot point. I've tried just about every way in the book (and no, not The Rules, I don't abide by that crap), online personals, friends who hook me up, random people in the store (or wherever), the office (bad idea so far), etc. I've heard that it's when you stop looking for it that it happens - so I have to stop wanting something in order to get it? It didn't use to be this hard. I see online personals and hear guys say this is what they want too, so um, why does this all just seem to be a pipe dream?
Crap. I didn't actually mean to write all of that. Well, yes, I did, because I've been writing it in my head for weeks and I needed to vent. But I don't really want any comments about "well, you're so young, you've still got time! don't give up hope! etc." because none of that is the problem. I'm just ... tired. I've tried to keep from going on and on and on about this aspect of my life for a while, because I know I drove/drive people crazy (at least one person got a large part of this in conversation last night), so I appreciate you bearing with me. I don't think I'll need to post on the subject again unless there is a change in the status quo.
Anyway, I had a strange occurance yesterday.
Jenni came over yesterday, and we bounced around the West Seattle Junction, got rid of old books and picked up some new, found the cutest guy ever at the bookstore (MUST go back more often!!! maybe he has a fantasy life too?), and then came home to find - that my door had been damaged and something had defecated in my apartment!
Oh. Em. Gee. What. The. Fuck. Bar. Be. Que. ?!?!?!?!
Checked windows - open, but the screens were intact. Door was damaged, but still closed and with no holes. So, where did the poo come from?! No clue. Clearly small-animal sized, not bird like or human like. SO DISTURBED! Had a thought that the crazy hippies down the hall from me had let their cats roam the halls again, and it had gotten in my place when I went down to let Jenni in. So I checked closets and under the furniture, but no cat. We went to the show (Lone Star Love, with Randy Quaid, review to come later), and I came back to see the following note, all spellings are not mine:
"Dear Catnaper,
My little miss Angel is quite abit of an adventurer.
She seems to have wondered into your flat. She has not been known to be a tyrant.
But if she has reeked havoc or there has been any necessary calls of nature I would be glad to take full responsibility.
I offer my aplogy.
Unite us once more
#35"
I'm thinking "oookay...?" Possibly my manager called them (after I talked to him about this) to ask if their cat was missing. But I walked in and still didn't see any living creature. Also, did not see any more feces, thankfully. So I start chatting on IM, and an HOUR and a HALF later, which is a quarter of one in the morning, I hear this "meow?" behind me.
OMGWTFBBQ^2?!?!?!
Apparently the cat had been hiding somewhere. So I let her out, and knocked quietly on the owner's door (didn't want to disturb if they were asleep), and left them a note briefly saying what happened.
Ugh. I have the wierdest things happen in my life.
I woke up this morning to an email from my sister (the first one in months that hasn't been a mass email to me and everyone they've ever met).
"Good Day-
I don't know what mom has told you about Christmas, but we are hosting Manel, Lydia, Tim , and all of Bill's family here. I don't know when everyone is arriving, but all of them will be here by xmas eve. Of course, you're cordially invited. Just let me know what your travel plans are. If you don't plan on driving, please consider taking the train so that it can drop off right in Oregon City, not downtown Portland.
Hope that work, social life, etc. is going well.
Talk to you soon-
Michelle"
OF COURSE I'm cordially invited? Fuck, I'm the last to know and she fully acknowledges that with her initial comment of not knowing what Mom's already told me. OF COURSE I'm going, but probably only for a couple of days. It's going to be so weird, and I'm going to be delighted to watch my sister host our brother's wife who we both agree is a heinous bitch in her own right (who knows, maybe they're all buddy-buddy now...). I also like how she throws in that cute little bit about "work, social life" etc., like she's trying to pretend as if she gives a damn about me and my life. If she cared, or if she'd forgiven me, she would call, or at least email on some kind of regular basis and actually ask about my life.
However, she did prove me wrong - I figured she was going to wait until Thanksgiving to ask me to take the time off for Christmas. Good for her! To any extent, I'll be going for the family, and she and I will just suck it up and avoid each other wherever possible, only talking to "please pass the mashed potatoes".
So I'm going to go vacuum now. Or maybe I'll just park it and watch the end of Van Wilder on TV. Or something. Thanks for watching, and until next time, "good afternoon, good evening and good night!"