[insert clever/obscure movie quote of your choice here, I'm too tired]
It's a love/hate type of day. I want to end on a positive note so I'm going to get the nasties out first. Also, John Tesh said on the radio the other night that one should write down worries of the day in order to purge them and get a better night's sleep.
Things I Hate/Strongly Dislike (don't worry, there's only a few points... skip down if you really want to):
* Work is killing me softly. Still. My boss is now officially really worried about me (she saw me dragging my ass out of there while trying not to cry from stress). I don't like to show this sort of weakness, I don't want it to seem like I can't do my job, or that I'll crack under pressure and therefore be undependable or something. I don't even feel like I can take a day off for mental health, because I will be more stressed out when I return and find out that nobody covered properly for me and that I have to do a whole bunch of follow-up on stuff that should have just been done ONCE and CORRECTLY in the first place. I don't understand why the simplest parts of our job are so difficult for other people to accomplish and if it didn't affect me directly, I wouldn't give a damn. But they don't, and it does, and I don't know what to do about it. I can only do my best, and I'm satisfied with that, but when somebody else makes my job harder than it should be I get very frustrated with the whole situation. This has been going on for so long (about 8 months now!) that it's almost become a quite the comedy of errors and failed dispatchers.
* I'm in a paradox of relationships and wanting/not wanting one. I expect I'll be doing a longer entry about this later as some thoughts continue to percolate in my mind, but for now, I'll just say that I'm lonely. And yet, I'm not willing to put myself out there just to find some mediocre man to waste my time. I'm not sure what happened to all the good guys, but my sneaking suspicion is that they've all been taken (and by some fabulous, deserving women, I might add). And yes, this has somethig to do with the upcoming Single's Awareness/Valentine's Day that I'm so desperately trying to make happier by cooking for other people. But mostly, it has to do with the fact that I'm very seriously realizing that this is the way it's going to be for me, at least for a long time. I guess I've made my own bed on that point, so I should shut up and quit complaining and sleep in it. But sometimes, it's a big empty bed. It would also be nice not to always have to do the cleaning and the cooking, because lately I'm just too tired and busy so it just degenerates until the weekend.
* I looked at petfinder.com tonight, and realized how much I want a dog back in my life. I think it might alleviate some of that point #2 discontent. Oh, but the money!
* Desperately wanting to take a vacation and having no idea where to go. And not really wanting to go by myself.
Okay, hopefully I'm done bitching and moaning for a while.
Things I Love/Enjoy:
* God I hope my raise kicks in tomorrow and at least I won't have financial worries on top of job ones. It will offset some of that incredibly annoying extra workload being dumped on me. Money, I will always have a love/hate relationship with $$$, but since this is getting more of it, I'm lovin' it. ;)
* One of the girls at ballet told me I look like I've lost weight. This is most excellent news! Although, I must stop focusing on the scale since I'm trying to tone up and muscle weighs more than fat.
* Grey's Anatomy tonight was fantastic! ***potential spoiler alert, albeit very mild, so skip on down if you want *** O'Callie is the best name smash I've heard yet, the eye-sex was amazing, and I think the alternate name for this episode could have been "Doctor Domino Effect" hehehe. I'm also pleased that previously lovable characters are fleshed out to have bitchy times, and that the ones I originally didn't like are my absolute favorites now! Sorry, I tried not to give too much away in that little bit of fangirlyness there.
* I love good food, especially with friends. Dinner at Gretchen's after ballet on Wednesday nights is truly one of the highlights of my week. The bottle of wine split between the two of us and A Midsummer Night's Dream only improved an already great time. Tonight was pesto (sauce on pasta) with pesto (sausage) to make this day more bearable and screw it, I had 2 pieces of fudge.
* Despite falling on my liddle punkin head on Monday (I've gotten a huge kick out of telling people about it, I get that sort of "WHAT?" reaction I'm usually aiming for), I can tell I'm getting a bit stronger at the aerial dance thing! I got myself up on multiple tries, and for only my third night, I was thrilled. It was my goal for the entire session to be able to do just that. Yay! I reached a goal! haha. Next session coming up soon! Yay!
* The point in the day when I get to come home as the sun sets over the water. I don't think there's anything quite so beautiful as it's been lately and between the big full moon and the stunning scenery as I leave work behind me, I feel much better about my days. Nature's balm.
* Tomorrow is Friday, which also means payday! Maybe I'll come home and scrub the bathtub so I can treat myself to a lovely bath at the end of a hard week. Saturday is trying out Bikram Yoga with a coworker, dinner at Gretchen's Cafe with Gretchen and then going to the Seattle Symphony by myself courtesy of E*Beth. Sunday is the Super Bowl party at Allison's, so that rounds out the weekend!
Book reviews #4 and #5
Book #4 The Simple Art of Murder
Raymond Chandler
I have to say, I wasn't really entrhalled with this book. It was highly recommended by my carpool, and since we have SOME similar tastes, I thought I'd try it. But for a collection of short stories, I felt like I just trudged through it. It's in the genre of the 1930's hard boiled "private dick" novels where women sit around smoking saying things like "Oh, Johnny! Why you gotta be like that?" and men pour whiskey like water and have "Jap" houseboys. I understand from the reviews that Chandler was considered excellent for this genre, but I just wasn't interested in any of the characters or their problems. But it was stepping outside of my comfort zone, which is something I rarely do in my books, so at least I tried it. One story, Pearls Are A Nuisance, was mildly entertaining and I think for people who like the genre they'd probably enjoy the whole set. But for my bodice-ripping, romance-swilling, anguisette-lashing book-buddies, I don't really recommend it.
Book #5 HUNG: A Meditation on the Measure of Black Men in America
Scott Paulson-Bryant
Lent to me by the fabulous Jenni, I got to read about my complete opposite - a black man. As a white female, I could, in some ways, relate to trying to make it in a white man's world. According to Paulson-Bryant (nicknamed in college "Pulsing Giant" hehehe), black men can be way more insecure about their manhood than one might expect. He questions whether there is some truth that lends sustenance to the myth that black men are hung like horses, or if white men perpetuated the myth in order to demonize black men as sexual savages. There's also a double entendre on "hung" referring to the history of black men being lynched for so much as LOOKING at a white woman. There's very little in the way of actual scholarship; random statistics are sprinkled throughout and interviews with porn stars and Wall Street entrepeneurs and college buddies and even women constitute most of the theories. I don't know that Paulson-Bryant ever really makes a point (other than WHITE MEN ARE THREATENED BY THE BLACK PRICK!), but it's an interesting read. It makes you wonder just how far we've come since Abolition and Civil Rights in terms of equality. In fact, he touches on the fact that we've gone completely the other way, to worshippng the black penis as the epitome of manhood. I got quite a kick out of reading this, but I don't know that I'd recommend it for a college class in African American studies. But for a bedtime novel, it worked for me!
Now reading:
The Constant Princess by Phillippa Gregory
The Spiral Dance by Starhawk
I think I feel better now. Thanks for reading.
Things I Hate/Strongly Dislike (don't worry, there's only a few points... skip down if you really want to):
* Work is killing me softly. Still. My boss is now officially really worried about me (she saw me dragging my ass out of there while trying not to cry from stress). I don't like to show this sort of weakness, I don't want it to seem like I can't do my job, or that I'll crack under pressure and therefore be undependable or something. I don't even feel like I can take a day off for mental health, because I will be more stressed out when I return and find out that nobody covered properly for me and that I have to do a whole bunch of follow-up on stuff that should have just been done ONCE and CORRECTLY in the first place. I don't understand why the simplest parts of our job are so difficult for other people to accomplish and if it didn't affect me directly, I wouldn't give a damn. But they don't, and it does, and I don't know what to do about it. I can only do my best, and I'm satisfied with that, but when somebody else makes my job harder than it should be I get very frustrated with the whole situation. This has been going on for so long (about 8 months now!) that it's almost become a quite the comedy of errors and failed dispatchers.
* I'm in a paradox of relationships and wanting/not wanting one. I expect I'll be doing a longer entry about this later as some thoughts continue to percolate in my mind, but for now, I'll just say that I'm lonely. And yet, I'm not willing to put myself out there just to find some mediocre man to waste my time. I'm not sure what happened to all the good guys, but my sneaking suspicion is that they've all been taken (and by some fabulous, deserving women, I might add). And yes, this has somethig to do with the upcoming Single's Awareness/Valentine's Day that I'm so desperately trying to make happier by cooking for other people. But mostly, it has to do with the fact that I'm very seriously realizing that this is the way it's going to be for me, at least for a long time. I guess I've made my own bed on that point, so I should shut up and quit complaining and sleep in it. But sometimes, it's a big empty bed. It would also be nice not to always have to do the cleaning and the cooking, because lately I'm just too tired and busy so it just degenerates until the weekend.
* I looked at petfinder.com tonight, and realized how much I want a dog back in my life. I think it might alleviate some of that point #2 discontent. Oh, but the money!
* Desperately wanting to take a vacation and having no idea where to go. And not really wanting to go by myself.
Okay, hopefully I'm done bitching and moaning for a while.
Things I Love/Enjoy:
* God I hope my raise kicks in tomorrow and at least I won't have financial worries on top of job ones. It will offset some of that incredibly annoying extra workload being dumped on me. Money, I will always have a love/hate relationship with $$$, but since this is getting more of it, I'm lovin' it. ;)
* One of the girls at ballet told me I look like I've lost weight. This is most excellent news! Although, I must stop focusing on the scale since I'm trying to tone up and muscle weighs more than fat.
* Grey's Anatomy tonight was fantastic! ***potential spoiler alert, albeit very mild, so skip on down if you want *** O'Callie is the best name smash I've heard yet, the eye-sex was amazing, and I think the alternate name for this episode could have been "Doctor Domino Effect" hehehe. I'm also pleased that previously lovable characters are fleshed out to have bitchy times, and that the ones I originally didn't like are my absolute favorites now! Sorry, I tried not to give too much away in that little bit of fangirlyness there.
* I love good food, especially with friends. Dinner at Gretchen's after ballet on Wednesday nights is truly one of the highlights of my week. The bottle of wine split between the two of us and A Midsummer Night's Dream only improved an already great time. Tonight was pesto (sauce on pasta) with pesto (sausage) to make this day more bearable and screw it, I had 2 pieces of fudge.
* Despite falling on my liddle punkin head on Monday (I've gotten a huge kick out of telling people about it, I get that sort of "WHAT?" reaction I'm usually aiming for), I can tell I'm getting a bit stronger at the aerial dance thing! I got myself up on multiple tries, and for only my third night, I was thrilled. It was my goal for the entire session to be able to do just that. Yay! I reached a goal! haha. Next session coming up soon! Yay!
* The point in the day when I get to come home as the sun sets over the water. I don't think there's anything quite so beautiful as it's been lately and between the big full moon and the stunning scenery as I leave work behind me, I feel much better about my days. Nature's balm.
* Tomorrow is Friday, which also means payday! Maybe I'll come home and scrub the bathtub so I can treat myself to a lovely bath at the end of a hard week. Saturday is trying out Bikram Yoga with a coworker, dinner at Gretchen's Cafe with Gretchen and then going to the Seattle Symphony by myself courtesy of E*Beth. Sunday is the Super Bowl party at Allison's, so that rounds out the weekend!
Book reviews #4 and #5
Book #4 The Simple Art of Murder
Raymond Chandler
I have to say, I wasn't really entrhalled with this book. It was highly recommended by my carpool, and since we have SOME similar tastes, I thought I'd try it. But for a collection of short stories, I felt like I just trudged through it. It's in the genre of the 1930's hard boiled "private dick" novels where women sit around smoking saying things like "Oh, Johnny! Why you gotta be like that?" and men pour whiskey like water and have "Jap" houseboys. I understand from the reviews that Chandler was considered excellent for this genre, but I just wasn't interested in any of the characters or their problems. But it was stepping outside of my comfort zone, which is something I rarely do in my books, so at least I tried it. One story, Pearls Are A Nuisance, was mildly entertaining and I think for people who like the genre they'd probably enjoy the whole set. But for my bodice-ripping, romance-swilling, anguisette-lashing book-buddies, I don't really recommend it.
Book #5 HUNG: A Meditation on the Measure of Black Men in America
Scott Paulson-Bryant
Lent to me by the fabulous Jenni, I got to read about my complete opposite - a black man. As a white female, I could, in some ways, relate to trying to make it in a white man's world. According to Paulson-Bryant (nicknamed in college "Pulsing Giant" hehehe), black men can be way more insecure about their manhood than one might expect. He questions whether there is some truth that lends sustenance to the myth that black men are hung like horses, or if white men perpetuated the myth in order to demonize black men as sexual savages. There's also a double entendre on "hung" referring to the history of black men being lynched for so much as LOOKING at a white woman. There's very little in the way of actual scholarship; random statistics are sprinkled throughout and interviews with porn stars and Wall Street entrepeneurs and college buddies and even women constitute most of the theories. I don't know that Paulson-Bryant ever really makes a point (other than WHITE MEN ARE THREATENED BY THE BLACK PRICK!), but it's an interesting read. It makes you wonder just how far we've come since Abolition and Civil Rights in terms of equality. In fact, he touches on the fact that we've gone completely the other way, to worshippng the black penis as the epitome of manhood. I got quite a kick out of reading this, but I don't know that I'd recommend it for a college class in African American studies. But for a bedtime novel, it worked for me!
Now reading:
The Constant Princess by Phillippa Gregory
The Spiral Dance by Starhawk
I think I feel better now. Thanks for reading.