home, home on the range
broadcasting live from my parents' basement. ladies and gentlemen, i have arrived.
i'm still under the impression that i hate it here. everything about this place asserts just how different (bad different) i am from my parents and how i will never feel like i belong. my mom confronted me last night about how we don't talk anymore and i told her that it was because she hasn't supported or encouraged me to do anything for myself in over a year. i'm afraid to listen to her because it seems like she doesn't want me to do anything besides stay here and "just save up some money."
when i got offered the job i have now, which i love, she said i shouldn't do it. when i talked to her about applying to grad school, she said i shouldn't do it. when i got offered a job that pays twice as much and utilizes my qualifications, she said i shouldn't do it. now she's saying she's afraid that i'm going to disregard dad and her from my life and i told her flat out that it was a possibility unless she could find a way to encourage and/or support me in reaching my goals. life is hard enough when i feel like i'm not letting my parents down.
yesterday, the girls from the class and i pulled off a very successful pizza fundraiser for the hurricane relief. they did so, so well. we made $160 in profit and can get it matched for a total of $320. i am so proud of how they handled everything, and also for their generosity. most of the time, they have a really hard time managing stress, to a point where they just shut down. they got through 3 hours of a really fast-paced fundraiser flawlessly. and they want to do more. i love these kids and i love my job.
so i am finally venturing out from crystal lake for non-work matters tonight. karen's going to teach me how to play texas hold 'em and then i'm going out with dan and alex in the city. i was supposed to pick up my stuff from wayne's but that situation has gone from bad to worse to the point where i don't care if i see him, i just want everything back the way it was.
i feel like he's trying to punish me for being myself, no matter what he says about it not being my fault. whenever i try to talk to him about it, he becomes this really mean person that takes no responsibility for anything. he blames me for how he acted for the first three weeks (nice) and now spends a lot of energy trying to prove to me that he, in fact, isn't nice at all and that i shouldn't like him. i'm realizing that this is much bigger than me and there is no way that i can fix any of it. maybe i'll just be another one of the grudges he carries.
so here are my goals. november 1, new apartment with megan and hunter kitty. december 20, bring home a puppy. january, start grad school.
i miss everybody.
i'm still under the impression that i hate it here. everything about this place asserts just how different (bad different) i am from my parents and how i will never feel like i belong. my mom confronted me last night about how we don't talk anymore and i told her that it was because she hasn't supported or encouraged me to do anything for myself in over a year. i'm afraid to listen to her because it seems like she doesn't want me to do anything besides stay here and "just save up some money."
when i got offered the job i have now, which i love, she said i shouldn't do it. when i talked to her about applying to grad school, she said i shouldn't do it. when i got offered a job that pays twice as much and utilizes my qualifications, she said i shouldn't do it. now she's saying she's afraid that i'm going to disregard dad and her from my life and i told her flat out that it was a possibility unless she could find a way to encourage and/or support me in reaching my goals. life is hard enough when i feel like i'm not letting my parents down.
yesterday, the girls from the class and i pulled off a very successful pizza fundraiser for the hurricane relief. they did so, so well. we made $160 in profit and can get it matched for a total of $320. i am so proud of how they handled everything, and also for their generosity. most of the time, they have a really hard time managing stress, to a point where they just shut down. they got through 3 hours of a really fast-paced fundraiser flawlessly. and they want to do more. i love these kids and i love my job.
so i am finally venturing out from crystal lake for non-work matters tonight. karen's going to teach me how to play texas hold 'em and then i'm going out with dan and alex in the city. i was supposed to pick up my stuff from wayne's but that situation has gone from bad to worse to the point where i don't care if i see him, i just want everything back the way it was.
i feel like he's trying to punish me for being myself, no matter what he says about it not being my fault. whenever i try to talk to him about it, he becomes this really mean person that takes no responsibility for anything. he blames me for how he acted for the first three weeks (nice) and now spends a lot of energy trying to prove to me that he, in fact, isn't nice at all and that i shouldn't like him. i'm realizing that this is much bigger than me and there is no way that i can fix any of it. maybe i'll just be another one of the grudges he carries.
so here are my goals. november 1, new apartment with megan and hunter kitty. december 20, bring home a puppy. january, start grad school.
i miss everybody.