(no subject)
i don't feel things anymore. i just exist. sometimes i experience physical sensations that are pleasurable. sometimes i feel things that are painful. but i'm never happy or sad. sometimes my body acts happy and i smile... full of energy, laughter, excitement. sometimes my body is sad. it makes water come out around my eyes. it makes me lightly sob and not be able to speak. but i am never any of those things. i simply sit here... as though i was on the 100th floor of a skyscraper watching a parade below. there's no interaction. sometimes i walk over to the elevators and wait... but they never seem to stop at my floor. ocasionally i venture over to the stairs... but they're so long, and lonely, and i just don't think i'd ever make it down in time. the parade would probably be over... or maybe i'd slip and die partway down. so i just sit here on the 100th floor, watching the parade. i like to wave at the people on the floats. i know they don't see me, but i do it anyway.