DBSK FIC: Skin Deep [Yoochun/Jaejoong, R]
Title: Skin Deep
Author: Selena
Pairings/Characters: Yoochun/Jaejoong (implied)
Rating: R
Word Count: 1,001
Summary: AU. A psych ward. Two screwed up boys. One wants to destroy, one wants to be destroyed.
Notes/Warnings: Written for kpop_prompts, prompt #45 mask. My prompt table can be found here.
Skin Deep
I.
The first thing Yoochun notices about Jaejoong is that he is wearing mittens. Yoochun has long since learned that looking at a persons hands will tell you far more than looking at a persons face - looking into someone’s eyes. Besides, looking into someone’s eyes in this place will only net you a whole mess of trouble. The fact that Jaejoong is wearing mittens tells Yoochun two things: 1) Jaejoong is a danger to himself, but probably not to others. Probably. And 2) it tells him that Jaejoong is broken.
Just the way Yoochun likes.
The second thing Yoochun notices about Jaejoong is his name. It’s printed in neat writing on the little plastic bracelet that Jaejoong wears. Bracelets that they all have to wear.
Kim Jaejoong.
Jaejoong’s bracelet is just visible over the cuff of his mittens. Such nice, clean, white mittens, so pristine. Yoochun wants to make them dirty.
The third thing Yoochun notices about Jaejoong are the scars. Finally, Yoochun is curious enough about the new guy to risk really looking at him, looking at his face, but not looking him in the eyes - never look them in the eyes Yoochun old boy, never look ‘em in the eyes. Yoochun’s opinion of Jaejoong’s scars is that they are mesmerizing. Pink and precious, white and faded, old and revered, new and exciting. Scars bisect Jaejoong’s cheeks, criss cross over his nose, his lips.
But these scars, they don’t mar his beauty, they can’t hide it and they can’t take it away. The scars stand out as brazen lines against pale flesh, those scars scratched into his skin.
The markings are there and they are terrible, but they can not hide Jaejoong’s true face. Yoochun sees it; Yoochun falls a little bit in love.
II.
Jaejoong doesn’t talk. He doesn’t look up. He doesn’t move from the spot he has taken up by the window. Jaejoong sits alone at a table, there is a chess set in front of him. He doesn’t try to play but sometimes he looks like he wants to.
But really, it’s hard to do anything with those mittens on.
Yoochun watches and he waits. His fingers itch with the need to cut something. A bit of paper, a lock of hair, Jaejoong’s pretty, pretty face. Yoochun sits on his hands and starts humming a childish melody. He does this until the urge goes away. Maybe one day, when all the urges have gone away, maybe then he’ll be allowed to play with something sharp again.
III.
Matron and the other nurses, they talk about Jaejoong in hushed tones. They say things like;
“Poor thing.”
And,
“He’s such a polite boy.”
Out of all the inmates - no wait, patients - here they like Jaejoong best. Jaejoong says things like;
“Please.”
And,
“Thank you.”
Jaejoong’s voice is soft and quiet and soothing and Yoochun takes to lurking around the nurses station because the only time he gets to hear Jaejoong talk is when he says ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to the nurses.
Please and thank you.
Yoochun wants Jaejoong to say please and thank you to him. Yoochun wants Jaejoong to whimper “Please,” and gasp out a grateful “Thank you,” at the end. Yoochun wants to touch Jaejoong’s skin. It would make such a beautiful canvas.
The nurses, they talk about Jaejoong in huddled whispers. They don’t understand him at all. They watch him shuffle along with his head hung low. They see him sit by the window, pawing at his countenance with his mittened hands. But they don’t, they can’t understand why someone - anyone - would want to claw off his own face.
Yoochun knows, Yoochun understands.
IV.
“It’s like a curse isn’t it?” Yoochun asks. Jaejoong doesn’t answer. Doesn’t even look up. “That face.”
Jaejoong sits at the table with the chess board again, still making no attempt to play. No one ever joins him; no one ever interacts in this place.
The crazy, it’s contagious.
Yoochun runs his fingers along the smooth surface of the table. He picks up a chess piece - a white pawn.
Fitting.
V.
Jaejoong has a fresh mark on his face. It’s a livid purple, but it’s shallow and superficial and when it heals it will be gone. No new scar. Jaejoong must be so disappointed.
Someone - Yoochun doesn’t know or care who - someone thought it might be nice to let Jaejoong take the mittens off. As long as his finger nails were cut short it would be all right. The dear boy was doing so much better of late.
Someone underestimated Jaejoong’s determination.
Jaejoong’s mittens have to go back on, all new and fresh and white, and Jaejoong goes back to pawing at his face. It’s a useless and ineffectual gesture and it just about breaks Yoochun’s heart.
VI.
“It’s all they ever see.” Jaejoong mumbles to himself, over and over. Talking to no one, looking at no one, acknowledging no one. “It’s all they ever see.”
Yoochun has to listen closely to hear the words. Jaejoong’s voice is so soft, so scared.
“But it’s not me.” Jaejoong says. “It’s not me.”
VII.
Yoochun thinks that he might just be like everyone else. Just like all those people Jaejoong has ever known and all those people Jaejoong might know in the future. Jaejoong has this beauty - a quiet innocence that the mask of scars can’t hide. Yoochun wants to claim it, to make it his and only his forever.
How many others have wanted the same thing?
The skin on Jaejoong’s arms is so pale, so inviting. Yoochun wants to make his own mark on it. Wants to scratch, to carve, to burn, to cut, to tattoo his claim onto it.
Yoochun wonders if Jaejoong would let him.
Yoochun thinks that Jaejoong just might.
VIII.
“It’s like a curse isn’t it?” Yoochun asks. “That face.”
Jaejoong doesn’t answer, doesn’t look up. Yoochun doesn’t expect anything less.
“But I can help.” Yoochun says. “I want to help.”
.end
Author: Selena
Pairings/Characters: Yoochun/Jaejoong (implied)
Rating: R
Word Count: 1,001
Summary: AU. A psych ward. Two screwed up boys. One wants to destroy, one wants to be destroyed.
Notes/Warnings: Written for kpop_prompts, prompt #45 mask. My prompt table can be found here.
Skin Deep
I.
The first thing Yoochun notices about Jaejoong is that he is wearing mittens. Yoochun has long since learned that looking at a persons hands will tell you far more than looking at a persons face - looking into someone’s eyes. Besides, looking into someone’s eyes in this place will only net you a whole mess of trouble. The fact that Jaejoong is wearing mittens tells Yoochun two things: 1) Jaejoong is a danger to himself, but probably not to others. Probably. And 2) it tells him that Jaejoong is broken.
Just the way Yoochun likes.
The second thing Yoochun notices about Jaejoong is his name. It’s printed in neat writing on the little plastic bracelet that Jaejoong wears. Bracelets that they all have to wear.
Kim Jaejoong.
Jaejoong’s bracelet is just visible over the cuff of his mittens. Such nice, clean, white mittens, so pristine. Yoochun wants to make them dirty.
The third thing Yoochun notices about Jaejoong are the scars. Finally, Yoochun is curious enough about the new guy to risk really looking at him, looking at his face, but not looking him in the eyes - never look them in the eyes Yoochun old boy, never look ‘em in the eyes. Yoochun’s opinion of Jaejoong’s scars is that they are mesmerizing. Pink and precious, white and faded, old and revered, new and exciting. Scars bisect Jaejoong’s cheeks, criss cross over his nose, his lips.
But these scars, they don’t mar his beauty, they can’t hide it and they can’t take it away. The scars stand out as brazen lines against pale flesh, those scars scratched into his skin.
The markings are there and they are terrible, but they can not hide Jaejoong’s true face. Yoochun sees it; Yoochun falls a little bit in love.
II.
Jaejoong doesn’t talk. He doesn’t look up. He doesn’t move from the spot he has taken up by the window. Jaejoong sits alone at a table, there is a chess set in front of him. He doesn’t try to play but sometimes he looks like he wants to.
But really, it’s hard to do anything with those mittens on.
Yoochun watches and he waits. His fingers itch with the need to cut something. A bit of paper, a lock of hair, Jaejoong’s pretty, pretty face. Yoochun sits on his hands and starts humming a childish melody. He does this until the urge goes away. Maybe one day, when all the urges have gone away, maybe then he’ll be allowed to play with something sharp again.
III.
Matron and the other nurses, they talk about Jaejoong in hushed tones. They say things like;
“Poor thing.”
And,
“He’s such a polite boy.”
Out of all the inmates - no wait, patients - here they like Jaejoong best. Jaejoong says things like;
“Please.”
And,
“Thank you.”
Jaejoong’s voice is soft and quiet and soothing and Yoochun takes to lurking around the nurses station because the only time he gets to hear Jaejoong talk is when he says ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to the nurses.
Please and thank you.
Yoochun wants Jaejoong to say please and thank you to him. Yoochun wants Jaejoong to whimper “Please,” and gasp out a grateful “Thank you,” at the end. Yoochun wants to touch Jaejoong’s skin. It would make such a beautiful canvas.
The nurses, they talk about Jaejoong in huddled whispers. They don’t understand him at all. They watch him shuffle along with his head hung low. They see him sit by the window, pawing at his countenance with his mittened hands. But they don’t, they can’t understand why someone - anyone - would want to claw off his own face.
Yoochun knows, Yoochun understands.
IV.
“It’s like a curse isn’t it?” Yoochun asks. Jaejoong doesn’t answer. Doesn’t even look up. “That face.”
Jaejoong sits at the table with the chess board again, still making no attempt to play. No one ever joins him; no one ever interacts in this place.
The crazy, it’s contagious.
Yoochun runs his fingers along the smooth surface of the table. He picks up a chess piece - a white pawn.
Fitting.
V.
Jaejoong has a fresh mark on his face. It’s a livid purple, but it’s shallow and superficial and when it heals it will be gone. No new scar. Jaejoong must be so disappointed.
Someone - Yoochun doesn’t know or care who - someone thought it might be nice to let Jaejoong take the mittens off. As long as his finger nails were cut short it would be all right. The dear boy was doing so much better of late.
Someone underestimated Jaejoong’s determination.
Jaejoong’s mittens have to go back on, all new and fresh and white, and Jaejoong goes back to pawing at his face. It’s a useless and ineffectual gesture and it just about breaks Yoochun’s heart.
VI.
“It’s all they ever see.” Jaejoong mumbles to himself, over and over. Talking to no one, looking at no one, acknowledging no one. “It’s all they ever see.”
Yoochun has to listen closely to hear the words. Jaejoong’s voice is so soft, so scared.
“But it’s not me.” Jaejoong says. “It’s not me.”
VII.
Yoochun thinks that he might just be like everyone else. Just like all those people Jaejoong has ever known and all those people Jaejoong might know in the future. Jaejoong has this beauty - a quiet innocence that the mask of scars can’t hide. Yoochun wants to claim it, to make it his and only his forever.
How many others have wanted the same thing?
The skin on Jaejoong’s arms is so pale, so inviting. Yoochun wants to make his own mark on it. Wants to scratch, to carve, to burn, to cut, to tattoo his claim onto it.
Yoochun wonders if Jaejoong would let him.
Yoochun thinks that Jaejoong just might.
VIII.
“It’s like a curse isn’t it?” Yoochun asks. “That face.”
Jaejoong doesn’t answer, doesn’t look up. Yoochun doesn’t expect anything less.
“But I can help.” Yoochun says. “I want to help.”
.end