(no subject)
ugh... my stomach hurts sooo much....
too much stress, guilt, and frustration.
i dont kno what to do.
i want to stay with tu, but i shouldnt.
compared to him, i dont see the rest of my life with him.
i see what my dad is saying in that i need to experience a college life with those who are experiencing the same thing as well, not with someone who has gone through this routine before. i need to do things for myself, get involved, be active. i kno that if i stay with tu, i wont be as active as i would without him.
but i still love him. he's always there when i need him. he's never wronged me, or hurt me. he can take my punishment and not say anything about it. is there any other human being that can take the pain i give?? i jsut dont kno...
but everyone knows that i have my limits to love... right?? u all kno that too much can be too much for me... right??? tu is becoming too much for me.... he even wrote to me two weeks ago about one of my freinds coming back from the arm and that i' not allowed to see him especially during this time becuase he's my EX..... i just wanted to write back to him telling him to fuck off.... but i'm not allowed to talk to him yet.....
mom blew up this morning as i already said.... she yelled at dad saying "you have to talk to her!!" and shit...
funny thing is, daddy kinda went through the same thing that i'm going through right now, only his parnets kne about him and his girl, and so did her parents.
dad was tu's age, and the girl was my age (amazing!) and dad broke it off because he wanted her to get the most that she could out of college. he said that if it was really meant to be, then they would meet up in the future and be together again.
they never met up again. the last he heard of her was that she was married and had two kids....
mom on the other hand, she's NEVER experienced having a boyfrined...
she's never experienced a "college life" cause she hated that kind of life.
she doesnt kno what fun is.
she doenst know what it means to have a good time.
she doenst kno what it means to be a kid or a teenager.
my teenage time.... was i even a teenager??? i felt like an adult only without most of the responsibitly of having a job or taxes....
teenage time is lying and doing stupid shit.
i finally do it towards the end of my last years of being a teenager, and i'm hated.
if you guys see in the papers or on the news about a girl killed by her mother, i say goodbye to all of you now.
she threatened and i took it.
i know she's to weak and stupid to actually get to the point of killing me, but....
i'm still young and make many mistakes.... never kno...
please dont tell your parents, or an officer, or anyone because i might get in trouble again. i dont want taht. and i'd rather mom go to jail after killing me, and not before, it'll hurt my brother.
bah... i dont even think thats the half of it...