Here I am, and here we go, life's waiting to begin...
I'm in a very interesting place right now, mentally.
Being a senior is strange for me. My senior year of highschool I kind of fell off the map a little bit because of Mike. But then at least I still always saw everyone every day in class or around school. I knew I was falling off the radar here last semester, but wow...this semester I really don't see anyone at all. But anymore it's not that I don't want to see people. I do. But this weather really makes me want to stay at home - I get cold so easily. I'm hoping for warmer weather soon. I want to be able to hang around campus and run into people and hold conversations. I miss hanging out randomly.
I've also noticed that this is the first year in...as long as I can remember...that I don't have that one, go to for everything, type of person in my life, really. Yes, I have Keith. I'm not complaining about him at all because we hang out all the time because neither of us want to deal with the outside world as a whole at this point in time. We have fun, we get along, we tell each other just about everything. But it's not quite the same as usual. I can't put my finger on it exactly. But I miss that. I miss it terribly. It's like...I've always had a twin of some sort. But now it's just me. It's....disorienting.
On the flip side, I'm starting to [re]discover things that make life better and healthier. Lots of fruits and veggies in life lately, especially the fruit. And organic foods. Generally eating better. I don't feel nearly as sluggish as I did at the beginning of this semester. Getting back into the gym happens again soon. I've been waiting to get over this sickness and it's just about passed I believe. And the art. Oh man, the art. I've been playing with things and just experimenting. Sculpture and figure drawing are helping so so so very much. It's starting to come more naturally, though I know I have a heck of a long way to go. I'm trying to make the most of the time that I have to play in the art department. It's hard and frustrating sometimes, but I want to be better so badly. And it's bringing back the art side of me that I had forgotten about. I like feeling inspired. There are a ton of ideas floating around my head. I need to start making a list so that I don't forget them because I could do some really cool things, I think. I just need some time...a little bit of money...and to start asking for help when I need it.
Alright, I think I'm going to stop rambling now and get some sleep. Just wanted to get some things out there. I could go on forever, but that's what the paper journal is for - a rambling stream of consciousness.
Last tidbit - been listening to lots of forgotten things lately. The newest being stuck on Angels and Airwaves for the past week-ish.
Something to think on:
"I'm the first to know,
my dearest friends,
even if your hope has burned with time,
anything that's dead shall be re-grown,
and your vicious pain, your warning sign,
you will be fine."
-Angels and Airwaves "The Adventure"
Being a senior is strange for me. My senior year of highschool I kind of fell off the map a little bit because of Mike. But then at least I still always saw everyone every day in class or around school. I knew I was falling off the radar here last semester, but wow...this semester I really don't see anyone at all. But anymore it's not that I don't want to see people. I do. But this weather really makes me want to stay at home - I get cold so easily. I'm hoping for warmer weather soon. I want to be able to hang around campus and run into people and hold conversations. I miss hanging out randomly.
I've also noticed that this is the first year in...as long as I can remember...that I don't have that one, go to for everything, type of person in my life, really. Yes, I have Keith. I'm not complaining about him at all because we hang out all the time because neither of us want to deal with the outside world as a whole at this point in time. We have fun, we get along, we tell each other just about everything. But it's not quite the same as usual. I can't put my finger on it exactly. But I miss that. I miss it terribly. It's like...I've always had a twin of some sort. But now it's just me. It's....disorienting.
On the flip side, I'm starting to [re]discover things that make life better and healthier. Lots of fruits and veggies in life lately, especially the fruit. And organic foods. Generally eating better. I don't feel nearly as sluggish as I did at the beginning of this semester. Getting back into the gym happens again soon. I've been waiting to get over this sickness and it's just about passed I believe. And the art. Oh man, the art. I've been playing with things and just experimenting. Sculpture and figure drawing are helping so so so very much. It's starting to come more naturally, though I know I have a heck of a long way to go. I'm trying to make the most of the time that I have to play in the art department. It's hard and frustrating sometimes, but I want to be better so badly. And it's bringing back the art side of me that I had forgotten about. I like feeling inspired. There are a ton of ideas floating around my head. I need to start making a list so that I don't forget them because I could do some really cool things, I think. I just need some time...a little bit of money...and to start asking for help when I need it.
Alright, I think I'm going to stop rambling now and get some sleep. Just wanted to get some things out there. I could go on forever, but that's what the paper journal is for - a rambling stream of consciousness.
Last tidbit - been listening to lots of forgotten things lately. The newest being stuck on Angels and Airwaves for the past week-ish.
Something to think on:
"I'm the first to know,
my dearest friends,
even if your hope has burned with time,
anything that's dead shall be re-grown,
and your vicious pain, your warning sign,
you will be fine."
-Angels and Airwaves "The Adventure"