the other night i lay in bed with erik and i was crying over guilt feelings related to my mom and i was thinking about the last time i saw her and how shitty i felt for not being a good enough daughter and her smile and the last things she said to me and how she looked when she was sick vs what she looked like when she was well and i was just overwhelmed with emotions and fearful thoughts and sadness and shame and i felt like a baby only not innocent at all and even though he held me and kissed my head and said sweet words, i knew that the only person that could even begin to understand me is you and i thought of you and your dad and i coughed out more cries until i fell asleep.
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i love you <3 keep feeling.
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