No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. I am not afraid but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing
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there are no answers hereheartpumpAugust 4 2011, 22:27:28 UTC
"If gods goodness is inconsistent with hurting us, then either God is not good or there is no God, for in the only life we know he hurts us beyond our worst dears and beyond all we can imagine."
The only meaning there is behind "God hurts us" is that we hurt ourselves. God crucified God because we crucified God, and we are God. And we've been doing it ever since. Not to get all Tori Amos on you, but why do we crucify ourselves every day? Because we are hurting and we are sad and society wants us to be these things because nothing breeds fear like repressed sadness and pain. And what are we most afraid of? Loss. Loss of our own life, loss of our loved ones. I know this because I am crippled by this loss sometimes. The biggest fuck-you of surviving longer than one of your parents is that you know you will have to deal with this all over again when the other one dies. I am afraid of this all the time, even as I know how pointless it is to be afraid. But it's conditioned into us dude. We were just taught that death is the end because it's essential step in controlling people to make them afraid. If we are afraid of death, we are going to constantly be sabotaging our life because that's how it works. What you resist persists. It's just a basic law. I used to think it was an unfair law, but now I see the total meaning and purpose of it. Sometimes, on just the right day, I swear I can see the total meaning and purpose behind anything. For today, that means there is no death, only an extension of energy beyond what we are capable of seeing.
I know it hurts to be without someone in the physical, but the only reason you are not feeling your dad right now is because you are only feeling fear and fear is the anti-feeling. In a way, it's sort of impossible to "feel" fear. Fear just IS. Fear does it's own thing inside of us, without our consent. The solution to that is to know that death = life = death = life = death.
And as for the dentist, I hardly even brush my teeth
The only meaning there is behind "God hurts us" is that we hurt ourselves. God crucified God because we crucified God, and we are God. And we've been doing it ever since. Not to get all Tori Amos on you, but why do we crucify ourselves every day? Because we are hurting and we are sad and society wants us to be these things because nothing breeds fear like repressed sadness and pain. And what are we most afraid of? Loss. Loss of our own life, loss of our loved ones. I know this because I am crippled by this loss sometimes. The biggest fuck-you of surviving longer than one of your parents is that you know you will have to deal with this all over again when the other one dies. I am afraid of this all the time, even as I know how pointless it is to be afraid. But it's conditioned into us dude. We were just taught that death is the end because it's essential step in controlling people to make them afraid. If we are afraid of death, we are going to constantly be sabotaging our life because that's how it works. What you resist persists. It's just a basic law. I used to think it was an unfair law, but now I see the total meaning and purpose of it. Sometimes, on just the right day, I swear I can see the total meaning and purpose behind anything. For today, that means there is no death, only an extension of energy beyond what we are capable of seeing.
I know it hurts to be without someone in the physical, but the only reason you are not feeling your dad right now is because you are only feeling fear and fear is the anti-feeling. In a way, it's sort of impossible to "feel" fear. Fear just IS. Fear does it's own thing inside of us, without our consent. The solution to that is to know that death = life = death = life = death.
And as for the dentist, I hardly even brush my teeth
Mostly, I love you. You beautiful thing.
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