Me 'n' Underwear...
For all of 5 minutes my life turned into a Benny Hill meets Carry On film sketch today.
I'm nearly done exchanging a few items of clothing that needed to be returned (i.e: dodgy christmas presents). So, today it was underwear...I enter the store (big department store by the way), go to the underwear section, find what I want (3 pack of nice whites incidentally!)...and surprise, surprise, my size is missing! Understand this, people take the piss about how the British are kinda prude, polite and its manners all round. Take note, British wit is blatant yet conniving, a very sneakily executed art infact. That said, this shit wasn't sneakily executed at all.
As it goes I'm a slim kinda guy....athletic where I need to be, but still...slim. Thus, the underwear I want is in a 'small'....shit, there...I said it. I don't know if its a man thing or what, but small and underwear just don't go together, its like an attack on my manhood. And just for the record, if dick size determined underwear size I think XXXXXXXXXXXXLarge would suffice... ha!!! ;) Anyhow, enough of that.
Right, I decide to ask an assistant for help, at this point I clock a fine young lady giving me the eye behind the checkout, so there I am playing gaze-athon with Ms-Checkout-bird when this Older lady comes across to me and says "can I help you sir...". Shit, brain is still tripping on Ms-Checkout-bird, thus, am caught off guard....daft bastard me replies: "ermm, I'm after these shorts, have you got em in a small?"...to which she replies "I'm not sure but I know someone who will". So....guess what happened next? Older lady shouts, and I do mean SHOUTS....."KATH, THIS GENTLEMEN WANTS TO KNOW IF WE'VE GOT ANY OF THESE BRIEFS IN A SMALL!!!"...firstly, where the fuck did 'briefs come into it? they were like shorts/trunks(yep, kinda irrelevant but it mattered at the time!), secondly, Older lady has a sly side grin on her face, and thirdly who is 'Kath'?....Ohhh Kath of course is 'Ms-Checkout-bird'. She comes bolting from behind the checkout. All coolness on my part has now departed. Feeling proper embarrassed and for want of a better word 'small', the older lady now turns to me, looks me straight in my eyes and says..."She's a good girl this one, not sure if her department does smalls tho, it'll be interesting to see how you get on..." that said, the older lady departs and Ms-Checkout-bird(Kath) arrives, first thing she says to me is "what did my mum just say to ya, I know what she's like!!!"....my face drops, jaw drops, the penny drops!!!....first thought that came into my head was "BITCH.....I'll give her ten out of ten for that!".
And so to the happy ending....I did get my smalls, I did get publicly shamed (x10), and I've maybe got a little date at the weekend. So, as the saying goes, "Great things cum in small packages...." ;)
I'm nearly done exchanging a few items of clothing that needed to be returned (i.e: dodgy christmas presents). So, today it was underwear...I enter the store (big department store by the way), go to the underwear section, find what I want (3 pack of nice whites incidentally!)...and surprise, surprise, my size is missing! Understand this, people take the piss about how the British are kinda prude, polite and its manners all round. Take note, British wit is blatant yet conniving, a very sneakily executed art infact. That said, this shit wasn't sneakily executed at all.
As it goes I'm a slim kinda guy....athletic where I need to be, but still...slim. Thus, the underwear I want is in a 'small'....shit, there...I said it. I don't know if its a man thing or what, but small and underwear just don't go together, its like an attack on my manhood. And just for the record, if dick size determined underwear size I think XXXXXXXXXXXXLarge would suffice... ha!!! ;) Anyhow, enough of that.
Right, I decide to ask an assistant for help, at this point I clock a fine young lady giving me the eye behind the checkout, so there I am playing gaze-athon with Ms-Checkout-bird when this Older lady comes across to me and says "can I help you sir...". Shit, brain is still tripping on Ms-Checkout-bird, thus, am caught off guard....daft bastard me replies: "ermm, I'm after these shorts, have you got em in a small?"...to which she replies "I'm not sure but I know someone who will". So....guess what happened next? Older lady shouts, and I do mean SHOUTS....."KATH, THIS GENTLEMEN WANTS TO KNOW IF WE'VE GOT ANY OF THESE BRIEFS IN A SMALL!!!"...firstly, where the fuck did 'briefs come into it? they were like shorts/trunks(yep, kinda irrelevant but it mattered at the time!), secondly, Older lady has a sly side grin on her face, and thirdly who is 'Kath'?....Ohhh Kath of course is 'Ms-Checkout-bird'. She comes bolting from behind the checkout. All coolness on my part has now departed. Feeling proper embarrassed and for want of a better word 'small', the older lady now turns to me, looks me straight in my eyes and says..."She's a good girl this one, not sure if her department does smalls tho, it'll be interesting to see how you get on..." that said, the older lady departs and Ms-Checkout-bird(Kath) arrives, first thing she says to me is "what did my mum just say to ya, I know what she's like!!!"....my face drops, jaw drops, the penny drops!!!....first thought that came into my head was "BITCH.....I'll give her ten out of ten for that!".
And so to the happy ending....I did get my smalls, I did get publicly shamed (x10), and I've maybe got a little date at the weekend. So, as the saying goes, "Great things cum in small packages...." ;)