I've got this worked out I think.
Well people... I think I Really know what it is that's been getting me down like this all the fricking time.
If I'm right... my return to England properly really WILL mean a return to what I'm supposed to be.
I thought I was just homesick, but apparently certain diets can cause your moods and feelings to change.
Considering this I just have to consider what my diet over there is.
Mornings (not often anything,sometimes a slice of bread,usually around 11 or 12.)
Afternoons (see breakfast *grinz*)
Evenings (usually bread one slice or whatever sometimes two)
In between, Sometimes I eat snacks like chocolate and whatever and usually feel better for it for about half an hour to an hours time.
Over here.
Mornings (usually some kind of food When I'm hungry until I'm not hungry)
Afternoons (I Will have eaten by now, sometimes eat lunch as well)
Evenings (nearly always proper food, can eat until I actually don't want to eat. so I dont' go to bed hungry.)
So yeah.. my boss HAS done me a favour in getting me to lose weight..
but I really think this could well be where my problem is lying.
It's such a relief to think that although the fault Does lie with me, it Is correctable. Not only corrrectable, but when I'm back in England properly I more than likely Will be within a couple of weeks, back to the sunny happy go lucky girl you all knew and loved.
Hopefully now I know what I'm up against I can start taking corrective measures in Germany too, although I doubt I will be completely normal while I'm there.
Yeah. I'm happy. I'm going back today, but I think I've finally sussed things.
To those of you who have put up with me this long. Thank you. Seriously, thank you so much. You have no idea what it means that I have people who are wiling to stickwith me through thick and thin. and I Know I've said all this a thousand times before, but yeah. I've meant it each and everytime I've said.
I know,. I've been a complete and utter bitch to put up with, complaining and getting moody, and snapping at people left right and centre. I knew I was doing it, I didn't know how to stop, or even really want to in some ways. It was like.. everything seemed like a dark hole for me, so why shouldn't I put other people there.
I know I was wrong. And Boy was I wrong. I lost a few friends because of my attitude problems, and I kept hoping it would get better and that I could fool myself into thinking I was normal again. And it wasn't happening. And I knew it wasn't happening. And because it wasn't, I was getting More frustrated with myself. and because I was frustrated I would take it out on those closest to me, which just made me feel even darker and worse. So I'd try to make myself normal again and yeah.. vicious circle.
My advice? If you wanna... avoid me until April/May time. Hopefully by then I'll be approaching who I actually am rather than this Jekyll and Hyde creature.
Those of you who do take this approach, very sensible. I'll see you when I'm better!:)
Those of you who don't. You've been warned in advance. I can't promise I'll be much better than I have been, but I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try to sort things out now I think I know where the main problem has been lying. at least one quarter of the problem lay in the fact I didn't know what the Hell was wrong. At least now I think I have a clue or two.
Once again. to those of you reading this who have been putting up with me (barely in some cases lol) for just over a year or so. Thank you. You've all helped in getting me to this point.
Heh.. yeah. Things are looking up indeed.
Reb.
If I'm right... my return to England properly really WILL mean a return to what I'm supposed to be.
I thought I was just homesick, but apparently certain diets can cause your moods and feelings to change.
Considering this I just have to consider what my diet over there is.
Mornings (not often anything,sometimes a slice of bread,usually around 11 or 12.)
Afternoons (see breakfast *grinz*)
Evenings (usually bread one slice or whatever sometimes two)
In between, Sometimes I eat snacks like chocolate and whatever and usually feel better for it for about half an hour to an hours time.
Over here.
Mornings (usually some kind of food When I'm hungry until I'm not hungry)
Afternoons (I Will have eaten by now, sometimes eat lunch as well)
Evenings (nearly always proper food, can eat until I actually don't want to eat. so I dont' go to bed hungry.)
So yeah.. my boss HAS done me a favour in getting me to lose weight..
but I really think this could well be where my problem is lying.
It's such a relief to think that although the fault Does lie with me, it Is correctable. Not only corrrectable, but when I'm back in England properly I more than likely Will be within a couple of weeks, back to the sunny happy go lucky girl you all knew and loved.
Hopefully now I know what I'm up against I can start taking corrective measures in Germany too, although I doubt I will be completely normal while I'm there.
Yeah. I'm happy. I'm going back today, but I think I've finally sussed things.
To those of you who have put up with me this long. Thank you. Seriously, thank you so much. You have no idea what it means that I have people who are wiling to stickwith me through thick and thin. and I Know I've said all this a thousand times before, but yeah. I've meant it each and everytime I've said.
I know,. I've been a complete and utter bitch to put up with, complaining and getting moody, and snapping at people left right and centre. I knew I was doing it, I didn't know how to stop, or even really want to in some ways. It was like.. everything seemed like a dark hole for me, so why shouldn't I put other people there.
I know I was wrong. And Boy was I wrong. I lost a few friends because of my attitude problems, and I kept hoping it would get better and that I could fool myself into thinking I was normal again. And it wasn't happening. And I knew it wasn't happening. And because it wasn't, I was getting More frustrated with myself. and because I was frustrated I would take it out on those closest to me, which just made me feel even darker and worse. So I'd try to make myself normal again and yeah.. vicious circle.
My advice? If you wanna... avoid me until April/May time. Hopefully by then I'll be approaching who I actually am rather than this Jekyll and Hyde creature.
Those of you who do take this approach, very sensible. I'll see you when I'm better!:)
Those of you who don't. You've been warned in advance. I can't promise I'll be much better than I have been, but I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try to sort things out now I think I know where the main problem has been lying. at least one quarter of the problem lay in the fact I didn't know what the Hell was wrong. At least now I think I have a clue or two.
Once again. to those of you reading this who have been putting up with me (barely in some cases lol) for just over a year or so. Thank you. You've all helped in getting me to this point.
Heh.. yeah. Things are looking up indeed.
Reb.