너의세상으로 (into your world)
“Wherever you go, let me go too. That’s all I ask of you.” -“All I Ask of You,” Phantom of the Opera (musical)
Pairings: Sekai, a bit of Taoris, ninja!Eunhae, ninja!Baekyeol
Rated: PG-13 for injuries and ensuing drama, romance, also teenage angst courtesy of maknae
~
“I want to become an idol,” Jongin declares over the remnants of his salad one day.
Seated right next to him, Sehun snorts in disbelief, slurping his beef soup-stewed noodles and getting sauce everywhere. “You’ve been saying that since we were seven.”
Jongin tsks at him, removing the napkin from his silverware package and reaching over to dab the excess sauce from Sehun’s lips. “I really mean it this time,” he protests as he pulls away, disposable chopsticks resting thoughtfully against the corner of his mouth. “There’re a couple big talent competitions soon. Think my chances are good?”
Sehun wants to say no just to dissuade him from going down this foolish path, but Jongin’s looking at him so hopefully and he can’t shatter his best friend’s dreams. He drops his gaze back to his noodles instead, pretending to be busy picking out the anise seeds in the stew. “I think you could make it,” he says neutrally. “Attending the top arts school in South Korea, top of the class and all...”
Jongin’s whole face lights up-“Aw, thanks, Sehun-ie!”-and Sehun feels heat rise to his cheeks. “I mean it, you know,” he tells him gruffly, trying to hide his face.
That only serves to make Jongin’s smile widen, and the older boy slings an arm around Sehun’s shoulders, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. Sehun splutters and pushes him away.
“We’re at school! What if someone sees?!”
Jongin laughs and pinches Sehun’s round cheeks.
The bell rings and Jongin rises gracefully to clean up their table, throwing away his trash and slinging his bag over one shoulder before looking pointedly at Sehun, tapping his foot impatiently. Sehun makes a vague gesture at him, swallowing the last of his noodles before packing up his thermos.
As always, they head off to class together, Sehun to music history and Jongin to more dance (Sehun thinks it’s ballet this period, but he’s not quite sure). They part ways in front of the studio with a hug and Sehun continues to his own class a few rooms away. Dates and musical forms fill his head, chasing away any remaining worries about Jongin leaving him to chase some foolish dream of stages and bright lights and golden awards.
It’s not until two months later that Jongin comes running down his street, barging into Sehun’s house and then his bedroom without so much as knocking.
Sehun rolls his eyes as his bedroom door hits the wall and a lithe tanned body flings itself onto the bed behind him. “What’s up?” he asks casually, still tapping away at his keyboard trying to kill that one annoying little monster on the screen.
Jongin stretches himself out on the bed, laying his glasses on the desk. “SM Entertainment called and asked if I wanted to be a trainee,” he says proudly, nearly shaking with excitement.
Sehun, in his shock, hits something on the keyboard and accidentally ends his game. Cursing silently, he spins his chair around to face Jongin. “What did you tell them?” he demands, with what he hopes is a neutral tone.
Jongin’s eyes, bright and innocent, fix on Sehun’s face. “I said yes, of course.”
~
Sehun would never admit it, but life without Jongin seems painted in shades of gray.
He still aces all his classes, but only because he has more time on his hands to bury himself in the studio after-hours every day until he can execute difficult moves precisely and perfectly. In the privacy of his room, he keeps up as well as he can with Jongin, noting with a sort of pride whenever Jongin appears in the background of popular idols’ videos.
They do talk, of course, by internet and phone. Jongin is technically still enrolled in the Performing Arts Academy of Seoul, but due to his busy trainee schedule he has to take his classes online. Sehun, meanwhile, bites his lips until they bleed, wondering whether or not he should try to audition into SM. He’d been scouted when he was twelve, but at the time had politely declined the offer, much to Jongin’s bewilderment.
In the end, it’s his sister that convinces him to attend the auditions. His first audition fails, and he stops eating so that he can lose weight. He auditions again and again, desperate to get in, before he’s finally accepted.
The first time he sets foot in the company building, he almost turns around and walks right back out. It’s huge, with ceiling-to-floor glass windows and more floors than he cares to count. Everywhere he looks, he sees both timid trainees who’ve been waiting for ages to be released to the world, and confident idols who hurry here and there, too busy to give mere trainees the time of day. He swallows, reminds himself why he’s here, and presses the button for the elevator.
The elevator doors open on the twelfth floor with a ding and Sehun steps out, carefully avoiding two older boys-one with wavy black hair and a thick Jeollado accent, the other with a jawbone so sharp it looks like a knife-who are racing down the hallway, laughing loudly. He wrinkles his nose once they turn the corner, wondering if they’re idols or just trainees who have been here so long they’re comfortable with the scenery. Looking down at his map, he sets off again and promptly bumps into someone.
Automatically shooting out a hand to steady the other boy, he apologizes as he bends down to pick up the map that had fluttered to the floor. As he straightens up again, he chances a glance at the boy’s face, all high cheekbones and strong jawline and flawless tanned skin-
He finds himself staring into Jongin’s eyes.
Jongin blinks rapidly. “Sehun ah?”
“J-Jonginnie?” Sehun stutters out, searching for a trace of his shy bespectacled best friend in this vision of charisma and sex on legs.
Another boy rounds the corner, and Sehun takes note of his silky hair and cutesy face. But then he opens his mouth, and the voice that comes out is deep and sure. “Kai, I was looking for you. Suho said he’s got some news for us.” He grins, a wide brilliant smile accompanied by a wink in Sehun’s direction. “And who’s this? A friend of yours?”
“I’m a childhood friend of his, Sehun,” Sehun says when Jongin doesn’t say anything, still looking dumbfounded to find Sehun in the same company as him. He shakes the stranger’s hand, keeping in mind the strong grip the other boy has. It’s something he’ll probably have to learn, now that he’s here.
“I’m Chanyeol,” the boy says, smiling brightly. Sehun looks closer at his eyes and realizes that underneath the self-assured exterior, Chanyeol is still just a child like them, dreaming of red dragonflies and playing with marbles. “Your lisp is cute,” Chanyeol blurts out, right on cue.
Sehun smiles then, the first time he has since he got the call from SM telling him that he’d been accepted. “Thanks.” He turns to Jongin. “I guess you have somewhere to be?”
“Yeah,” Jongin says, nodding even though he has no clue what he has to do. “Talk to me later? I’m in the east dorms, room 489. My last class finishes at 9.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then,” Sehun promises, and Chanyeol and Jongin-Kai?-head off down the hallway, chattering about Dong Bang Shin Ki sunbaenim and some music video they’re filming. Sehun lets his gaze trail guiltily across Jongin’s profile until he turns the corner and disappears from sight.
~
After three years of training, Sehun is dead tired of trainee life, and he’s sure all the friends he’s made can see it. Grimacing, he bids farewell to his dance teacher, picks up his bag from next to the mirror, and leaves the studio, stomach growling.
Jongin greets him happily at the cafeteria, Lu Han-a petite Chinese boy whom Jongin had befriended-smiling at his side, Jongin’s arm around his shoulder. Sehun smiles back as much as he can, sharp eyes focusing on Lu Han’s hand at Jongin’s waist.
They go through the line quickly and sit down a table in the corner, where Kyungsoo is engrossed in a book and Baekhyun is chatting brightly with Chanyeol. Joonmyun, or Suho as he likes to call himself (because I’m the oldest, so I need to protect all of you, he says, though he’s no longer the oldest since Lu Han was brought into their group of friends), is nowhere to be seen, probably off at acting practice again.
Sehun inhales his food while Jongin is busy telling a riveting story about this female trainee that had daringly approached him and asked for his number. “She’s got courage, that’s for sure,” Lu Han agrees with his flawless Korean, and Sehun nods and smiles appropriately.
“Maybe you should have given her your number,” Kyungsoo says, round eyes peering at them over his book.
Jongin thinks about it. “Sehun ah, what do you think?” he asks abruptly.
Sehun, who had been eating grapes, chokes at the sudden attention on him. Lu Han reaches over and thumps him on the back until the offending grape pops out of his airway. “Why are you asking me?” Sehun says, after chewing carefully and swallowing. “This is about your lack of a love life, not mine.”
Jongin pouts. “But you’re...you’re my best friend,” he protests. Lu Han’s eyes dart quickly toward Jongin before focusing back on his food. Sehun doesn’t have time to analyze the motion before Jongin continues. “You have to be okay with it first.”
Sehun feels heat rise to his cheeks, to his utter mortification. He mumbles something-he himself isn’t even quite sure what he said-but is saved from any further pressing by a smiling Joonmyun’s sudden appearance.
“Hey guys,” he announces brightly, taking a seat between Jongin and Chanyeol. “Guess what?”
“We get to be in SNSD sunbaenim’s new music video?” Baekhyun guesses, (mostly) as a joke.
Joonmyun waits until everyone stops chuckling before revealing his news. “Management said we’re going to debut next year.”
“Really?” Kyungsoo gasps, eyes wider than usual. “All of us?”
“Oh my God,” Baekhyun says, sounding giddy.
“This is awesome,” Chanyeol agrees.
“Who else is going to be in our group?” Jongin asks curiously.
“Will Wu Fan and Yixing be debuting with us?” Lu Han chimes in.
“What’s the concept for the group?” Sehun adds. When everyone turns to look at him weirdly, he immediately defends himself. “I’m just saying it better not be something like SHINee hyung-deul’s. I mean, chasing noonas, really?”
Joonmyun laughs, waving his hands sheepishly. “I don’t know anything about the group concept. Management isn’t even sure what to call us yet. There’re probably going to be a couple others debuting with us, but for now we’re the only ones confirmed.”
Sehun hears from Jongin who hears from Lu Han, later, that their group is supposed to be twelve aliens posing as teenage boys and maybe something about taking over the world, too?
“This is ridiculous,” he grumbles.
~
Training gets quite a bit more interesting after that; having eleven other boys to hang out with all the time and practice with is much better than being a loner. And now that their debut’s been confirmed, the younger trainees will look at Sehun with something like awe, and Sehun would be lying if he said he didn’t feel even a little bit of pride.
He would also be lying if he said he wasn’t secretly happy that Lu Han had been put in the Chinese half of their group.
Sometimes, when he thinks hard about it, he feels a little guilty. Lu Han is a very sweet and kind young man who looks much too innocent to be twenty-two. And after all, as Jongin himself had said, they are best friends. Jongin would never willingly do anything to hurt him.
Not to mention that Jongin hasn’t said anything about wanting to date Lu Han, and Jongin has always told Sehun everything.
Honestly, Sehun is just confused about everything that’s practically been the basis of his life for nineteen years, and only being busy preparing for their debut keeps him from being totally lost.
Their debut is a stunning success, management having tried out an entirely new promotional tactic on them. Everyone is beyond pleased, dreaming eagerly of the future, at least until their first showcase, with Leeteuk as MC, when everything just comes crashing down on them.
Kai-Jongin, Sehun thinks fiercely, he’s Jongin-takes a wrong step during his dance with Lu Han and lands on his right ankle, worsening an injury he’d already sustained while practicing for their next single. Even from backstage, Sehun can see the flicker of pain that crosses Kai-Jongin’s face, before the stage lights turn off to allow a set change. In the darkness, Lu Han scrambles to Jongin’s side and helps him hobble backstage.
“You idiot,” Sehun hisses as the stylist noonas hover over them, clucking disapprovingly at how Jongin sweats so much that his makeup needs to be touched up every time he has a spare moment backstage. “Are you okay?”
Jongin nods stiffly, blinking his left contact back in place. “I’m fine,” he says, forcing a smile.
Sehun wants to wrap him in his arms and take him somewhere far, far away where nothing can hurt him, but he knows that even if Jongin was in enough pain to say that he was in pain, he’d still have to perform the rest of his God-knows-how-many teasers. Curse the South Korean entertainment industry, he thinks as he helps Jongin sit down. He’s got some time off before his next performance, anyway.
A few songs later, Sehun and Jongin get on stage together for their joint teasers. Everything goes off without a hitch-only an experienced dancer like Sehun would be able to tell that Jongin is favoring his right foot-until Jongin steps too hard on his right foot and collapses. He immediately pushes himself upright again, graceful enough that the fans think it’s just an improv on the dance, and with his face turned away from both the audience and his dance partner, but Sehun just knows that something is wrong.
Sure enough, when the lights turn off, he follows as Jongin limps slowly backstage, breathing heavily but that’s normal after such an exhausting dance. “You need to rest,” Sehun tells him, worry overriding his snarky tendencies.
But as if Jongin’s injury-Sehun hopes it isn’t serious but he can’t be sure, and Lu Han knows more about medicine than the rest of them put together but it’s still not much-weren’t enough, Zitao’s foot slips out from underneath him during his solo performance and he falls onto his hip. From the way the audience gasps, Sehun knows it must be bad, even as Zitao forces himself upright again and continues his wushu.
Wu Fan nearly storms out onto the stage right then and there but Jongdae grabs him around the waist, holding him back just long enough for him to realize what, exactly, he was about to do. The leader pries Jongdae off of him sheepishly and stalks off, hiding in the shadows until Zitao finishes, walking bravely off stage with his head held high but only making it a few steps past the drawn-back curtains before collapsing into Xiumin’s arms. Wu Fan, naturally, freaks out.
Sehun can’t really pay attention to what’s going on in the other half of their group, trying with a heavy heart to coax Jongin to stand up and get out on stage. “Just one more dance,” he pleads. “You can do it.”
Jongin clutches at Sehun’s hand and pulls himself up, swaying for a heart-stopping moment before he balances himself again. He looks Sehun in the eyes, and Sehun opens his mouth to ask what the hell he’s doing, but then Jongin grabs Sehun by the hair and crushes their mouths together quickly, before striding out onto the stage. Sehun stares after him, his head spinning.
“Sehun ah, are you okay?” Baekhyun asks, worry warring with amusement in his tone. “You should sit down before you faint.”
Sehun looks over, sees Baekhyun’s lips twitching, and glares at him before sitting down.
Finally, finally, the showcase ends, and Leeteuk keeps an eye on them as Kyungsoo and manager hyung practically carry Jongin out to the lobby where Zitao is already sitting, his mother and Wu Fan hovering over him. Sehun catches a glimpse of the anguish on Wu Fan’s face as he paces around Zitao, hands clenched into fists in his pockets-they all know Zitao isn’t ready for his parents to know about him and Wu Fan and so even now, when Zitao’s in agony, Wu Fan can’t comfort him beyond just staying with him.
The ambulance comes to take Zitao to the hospital and after that chaos quiets down, Sehun sits down on the couch where Kyungsoo and Chanyeol have laid Jongin down. Lu Han has already claimed the spot on Jongin’s other side, gentle hands pressed against Jongin’s torso, amber eyes dark with worry as he asks Jongin how he’s feeling.
“It’s hard to breathe,” Jongin whispers, his voice strained.
Lu Han’s eyes widen, and he turns to Sehun, as if hoping that he’d misheard or misunderstood. Sehun feels something in his chest close up. “Jonginnie,” he says, forcefully turning Jongin’s head towards him when the older boy doesn’t respond. “Jonginnie, you’re going to be okay. I promise.”
“I’m fine,” Jongin says again-stupid kid, Sehun thinks-but not a second too soon his eyes flutter shut and he slumps against the cushions.
“Jonginnie!” Sehun and Lu Han scream at the same time.
After a few seconds of utter, heart-stopping silence, during which Sehun’s sure he forgot to breathe, Jongin stirs again. Lu Han, inexplicably, bursts into tears, and even Leeteuk has no idea what to do, Leeteuk whose group has weathered certain members taking acting more seriously than performing, a certain lawsuit, mandatory army service, the death of a member’s father, and three car accidents, one of which he was injured in.
“Jongin ah,” Lu Han manages to say through his tears, “please-” and switches to Chinese, not entirely on purpose.
Sehun just grips Jongin’s hand tighter, as if he can keep Death from taking Jongin if he holds on tightly enough.
The ambulance comes back for Jongin and Lu Han cries and begs to be allowed to go with him. Of course they let him, and somewhere in the midst of the remaining members scrambling into the car to follow the ambulance Sehun finds himself in the driver’s seat with the car keys in his hand. He doesn’t even have his license but no one bothers to mention it.
They also don’t bother to mention the way Sehun’s knuckles are white as he clutches the steering wheel, swerving dangerously through traffic, nor do they mention how Sehun keeps the gas pedal floored the whole way there.
Lu Han is sobbing quietly in the waiting room when they get there, Joonmyun immediately rushing over to comfort him. Sehun just paces, terrifying possibilities racing through his mind, none of them alleviated even when the doctor tells them they can go visit Jongin.
“Stop worrying so much,” are the first words out of Jongin’s mouth when he sees Sehun, and if he weren’t currently buried in a hospital bed with a back brace Sehun would’ve slapped him. As it is, he gives Jongin his infamous death glare and turns away when Jongin pouts in apology (more like manipulation).
“Yah, Sehun-ie,” Jongin whines, and Sehun hears the slight scrape of plastic chairs against linoleum as the other members subtly take their leave.
“What?” he snaps, trying to stay angry. Goddamned Kim Jongin, getting injured and then acting like it’s nothing...
“Sehun-ie,” Jongin says more gently, long fingers curling around Sehun’s chin and turning his head so that he’s looking at Jongin. “I’m fine, really. I bruised my hip and chipped a rib, that’s all. The doctor says if I just rest and take care of myself for a few days, I’ll be good as new.”
“When you collapsed during our teaser I...I felt like it was my fault,” Sehun confesses shakily, mesmerized by the emotions swirling in Jongin’s eyes. “I thought you were going to die.”
“But I won’t,” Jongin counters, hand moving to hold Sehun’s, and it’s the worst argument Sehun’s ever heard but whatever, he leans down and kisses Jongin anyway and for a blissful moment it’s just the two of them in their own world, chasing their dreams and each other.
There’s a click and a flash as a camera goes off and they spring apart in surprise. Baekhyun cackles gleefully and snaps another picture.
“You better delete those,” Jongin says warningly, but he’s smiling softly, eyes still fixed on Sehun’s face.
“I could make millions selling these,” Baekhyun retorts, clicking the shutter yet again.
Sehun flips him off, not bothering to point out that SM will confiscate those pictures before they even make it onto Baekhyun’s computer. “Really, though, Jongin, I can’t believe it took you thirteen years,” he says. “Don’t be so stupid next time.”
“And just like that, the real Sehun is back,” Baekhyun mutters.
“There won’t be a next time, yeobo,” Jongin says sweetly, batting his eyelashes at Sehun.
Sehun rolls his eyes. “Don’t be such a girl,” he retorts, but he can’t hide his smile.
Chanyeol sticks his head in. “You guys are starting to get sickening, just so you know,” he says cheerfully. “Baekhyunnie, I have no idea how you stand these two.”
“It’s because he secretly wants to do the same thing with you,” Sehun tells him casually.
Baekhyun splutters, blushing madly. “Yah! Maknae, I’ll get you for that!”
“You’ll thank me for it later,” Sehun calls out as Chanyeol drags Baekhyun from the room.
“Finally, peace and quiet,” Jongin sighs happily, burrowing farther into his blankets.
Sehun watches him fall asleep, smiling at the knowledge that he can make it through anything, as long as Jongin’s by his side.