independent
Jaejoong likes to keep to himself.
Pairing: Yunjae
Rated: PG-13 for Yunjae
~
Jaejoong doesn’t like to share a bed.
He’s the only son in a family with eight daughters, all of whom coddle and spoil him. It was okay when he was younger (well, the spoiling part is still okay), but now that he’s almost a teenager it’s weird to have them still come into his bedroom randomly and invade his bed.
It’s not that he doesn’t love them, he really does love them all a lot, but they’re all older than him and more mature (not just emotionally, you know) and it makes him think about things he shouldn’t really be thinking about. Like how he can’t ever imagine himself like this with a girl-his wife-sleeping next to him, hair tickling his neck, the scent of perfume and shampoo filling his senses. Like how he’s never found himself attracted to girls, only-
He won’t say it yet.
His sisters probably realize how he feels and gradually stop invading his privacy, though in their waking lives all of them are still just as affectionate as ever. They encourage him behind their parents’ backs to become a singer (if that’s really your dream, Jaejoongie, Soojin says brightly) and so he does, kissing them all goodbye and promising to write as he runs away from the only love he’s ever known.
He gets to Seoul, settles in okay, meets Hyunjoong who helps him pay for the rent (actually they help each other). In the evenings, after they get home from whatever work they’d managed to find that day, they have a quick meal of (usually) ramyeon and maybe rice, or more if they’re lucky. Then they practice, because Hyunjoong wants to sing too.
But, well, he’s still just a teenage boy and of course he gets into a “couple” of fights, though he picks up tactics quickly and is soon well-known throughout the city as the invincible fighter. Anyone who’s foolish enough to pick a fight with him (because his pretty face makes him look weak), well, they learn pretty quickly not to do it again.
“My name is Kim Jaejoong. You may have heard of me.”
“I’m not from around here,” one of those foolish few says back to him, thick Jeollado accent lilting his words. Under any other circumstances, Jaejoong would have stopped and been amazed by the beauty in the boy’s voice, but not right this moment.
“Let me introduce you to Seoul then,” he retorts, and lashes out with his trademark lightning strike.
The boy dodges and lands a blow to Jaejoong’s jaw.
Jaejoong, the invincible fighter of Seoul, stops and stares. The boy is tall, a little taller than him, with a slightly chubby face that will become handsome in a few short years. His hair is messy and sticks up at odd angles in a way that’s endearing and gorgeous at the same time, and Jaejoong tells himself to stop looking.
“I’m going easy on you,” he huffs. “Is that all you’ve got?”
He lunges again, and the boy moves in tandem with him They parry each other’s blows, dancing fluidly around each other almost close enough to touch but for how they hold back, bodies taut and muscles straining to overpower each other.
Even to this day Jaejoong isn’t quite sure how it happened, but suddenly the ground seems to disappear from under his feet and he feels the boy’s strong arm under his lower back, pushing him upwards before he collides with the ground and shoving him into the wall instead.
The other boy (the victor, Jaejoong thinks with bitterness) is much too close, hands firm on Jaejoong’s shoulders. His eyes are dark and burning and intense, and Jaejoong feels his breath catch.
“Good match, Kim Jaejoong,” the boy says, lilting accent and hot breath in Jaejoong’s ear. “I’m Jung Yunho, nice to meet you.” He pulls away with a smile, crooked teeth flashing bright, and Jaejoong knows he’s hopelessly attached to this boy already. Whether it’s in a good way or a bad way remains to be seen.
It’s the first time in a long time that Jaejoong comes home with bruises, but it’s also the first night he goes to sleep smiling, savoring three tiny syllables on the tip of his tongue.
Jaejoong still doesn’t like to share a bed.
He loves his bandmates in the most brotherly way possible, but they’re all attractive and male and Jaejoong has only just come to terms with the fact that yes, he likes boys (and not just any boy, it’s his leader).
He maybe tends to forget about that a lot (it’s not like he makes obvious his feelings anyway, it’s just a little seed buried deep in the layers of his heart and locked within a cage of ice, waiting for water and the warmth of the sun), and puts all his energy into practicing for their upcoming debut.
He’s a little thrilled and a lot scared and the others are too, but he doesn’t reach out to comfort them. The others are better with sweet words of comfort.
Then Yunho-their brave, strong leader-starts to come into his bedroom at night looking for comfort. It’s not so bad at first, Jaejoong splutters and tries to shove him away but ends up giving him the other half of the admittedly small bed, though he knows by morning Yunho will be sprawled all over him judging from the way he usually sleeps.
It’s not so bad at first, Yunho just grins crookedly at him and falls asleep and Jaejoong is lulled to sleep by the slow sound of his breathing and his heartbeat and the musky scent that clings to him and wakes up tangled into Yunho.
The night before their debut the others (the little ones, Jaejoong likes to call them) are already sleeping when Yunho comes into Jaejoong’s room looking like a kicked puppy and Jaejoong welcomes him with open arms by now, asks him what’s wrong. “I’m scared,” Yunho confesses in a whisper.
“Scared about what?” Jaejoong asks, threading his fingers through Yunho’s hair and wondering when they got so familiar with each other.
“What if they don’t like us tomorrow?” Yunho’s wide eyes search Jaejoong’s face, betraying the vulnerability that he’s never allowed to show to anyone else. “What if...”
Jaejoong shifts and wriggles until Yunho’s wrapped in his arms and hushes Yunho’s rambling. “Don’t worry so much.”
“Easy for you to say,” Yunho mutters, sounding sullen but still scared. “If we don’t succeed I’ll be blamed for it.”
Jaejoong holds him tighter, memorizing this warmth pressed against every curve and line of his body. “It’ll be okay,” he murmurs, not expecting in the least anything of what comes out of his mouth next. “If we fail tomorrow then we’ll start over again, but I won’t leave your side one step of the way.”
Yunho gives a sleep-dulled chuckle and buries his face in the crook of Jaejoong’s neck, his arms coming to rest around Jaejoong’s waist, tight and pressuring but in a way that makes Jaejoong feel secure and protected and loved. “Thanks,” Yunho mumbles, sounding strangely comforted just by Jaejoong’s simple words.
It’s seven long years before Jaejoong breaks his promise.
He grows used to sharing a bed with Yunho. Even when their manager finally puts his foot down and reassigns Jaejoong out of Yunho’s bedroom, Yunho sneaks into Jaejoong’s bed, annoys the hell out of Changmin and Junsu, and blames it all on his sleepwalking. Yoochun giggles and doesn’t comment further.
They grow up day by arduous day and their success grows with them, watered with their blood and sweat and tears and harvested by the stroke of their joy. The company’s shackles close in tighter and tighter and Yoochun’s the first one to break, turning up a lawsuit early in the summer that continues to hover over their heads even after Jaejoong and Junsu decide to file it.
“Will you still leave?” Yunho murmurs one winter night, his breath mingling with Jaejoong’s. He sounds as if he still has hope that Jaejoong will take back the lawsuit and return to him.
“Yes,” Jaejoong says without hesitation, gently kneading the tense knot between Yunho’s shoulder blades and finding a small comfort in the way Yunho relaxes under his ministrations. “Won’t you come with me?”
“I don’t want to make you break your promise,” Yunho says, but his eyes are hollow and Jaejoong can feel the resignation heavy in the slump of his shoulders.
“Don’t do anything you don’t want to do,” Jaejoong tells him firmly. “I will keep my promise.”
Yunho traces the new tattoo under Jaejoong’s collarbone with his lips, seals the promise branded into the pale skin, and Jaejoong feels his pulse quicken under Yunho’s feather-light touches. “I believe in you,” Yunho whispers quietly. “I believe in us.”
For a while nothing really changes, Jaejoong composes and performs with Yoochun and Junsu by day and at night drives back to Yunho’s apartment and stays out of Changmin’s way. Their maknae is upset with this arrangement but doesn’t speak to Jaejoong, and Jaejoong feels selfish for feeling thankful that Changmin keeps his opinions to himself.
It’s not surprising when it comes but it’s still abrupt, the two of them lying next to each other the same as they have for five years. Yunho is as gentle as ever, strokes a glissando down the curve of Jaejoong’s spine and Jaejoong presses himself closer, heartbeat staccato-accelerando against Yunho’s ribcage and the lines of his toned body.
“Jaejoongie,” Yunho says, tender but there’s something in his voice that makes Jaejoong look up. Yunho’s eyes are soft and filled with regret, and Jaejoong knows what’s coming and lets go.
“We can’t do this anymore,” Jaejoong murmurs, echoing the words on the tip of Yunho’s tongue.
Yunho cups Jaejoong’s cheek, draws a slur down his jawbone. “I’m sorry.”
Yunho falls asleep and Jaejoong stays awake, eyes focused on the tiny drop of moisture gathered at the inside corner of Yunho’s eye. He leans forward and gently wipes it away, examining the trivial streak it leaves across the pad of his finger before he touches it to his lips. It tastes of bitterness and goodbye, and Jaejoong throws back the covers and walks through Yunho’s door for the last time.
Yoochun almost gets mad when he finds Jaejoong in the mornings wrapped around Junsu, but when he looks into Jaejoong’s shuttered eyes he understands.
Jaejoong misses being able to share a bed.