whataya want from me
What happened to break us apart? Can we get back what we had before?
Pairings: Kangteuk, implied Hanchul, implied Eunhae
Rated: PG-14 for angst/drama
~
The light is still on in the study when Kangin comes home from the gym, and he sighs. There’s only one person who’d still be working at this late hour.
Sure enough, when he pushes open the door softly, Leeteuk is hunched over the desk, head resting in the crook of his elbow and glasses laid carelessly on the keyboard of his laptop as he tries to focus on the mess of papers scattered in front of him. Kangin steps closer, catching a glimpse of broadcasting rights and album promotions in the pages of neat hangul before Leeteuk lifts his head, turning to look at Kangin with tired eyes.
“You should be sleeping, Jungsu hyung,” Kangin says, instinctively brushing a warm hand down Leeteuk’s back before he pulls away, unsure if Leeteuk will still accept his comfort. The two years Kangin’s been in the army has inevitably driven an wedge between them, and with Leeteuk’s enlistment approaching quickly, they’ve both been dancing around each other for the past month or so that Kangin’s been back, neither of them quite sure what they want from each other.
Leeteuk sighs, rubbing his eyes before running a hand through his hair, leaving the dark strands messy. The leader’s skin looks almost sickly pale in comparison, and Kangin realizes that for the first time in years, Leeteuk looks his true age. “I was going to get this,” he gestures towards the papers, “done earlier but our Eunhae were fighting again,” he mumbles wearily. “It took me forever to get them to stop screaming at each other and the second I left them alone in the room they were at it again. And then Ryeowook and Kyuhyun were crying because of all the shouting, and I mean, Kyuhyunnie never cries, I had no idea what to do. I even tried calling Heechul, but he wouldn’t pick up his phone-”
“Wait, hold on,” Kangin interrupts, a little confused. “Why didn’t you just call me? I was only at the gym, I would’ve come home the second you called.”
Leeteuk blinks at him and Kangin feels his stomach drop for no apparent reason. “I...I didn’t think of that,” the leader says hesitantly, and Kangin wants to punch himself
Of course Leeteuk wouldn’t have called him. He’s been gone for two years and no matter how much of the ‘father’ of the group he was before he left, he hasn’t been the first one Leeteuk turns to for help for a long time now.
“Right,” Kangin says lamely, just to try to fill the ringing silence that’s settled in the room. “Of course.”
Leeteuk’s face falls, ever so slightly. “I’m sorry, Youngwoon ah,” he says softly, and Kangin wonders if it’s selfish of him to wish that Leeteuk would still call him Youngwoonie, even after two years.
“It doesn’t matter,” Kangin says, because really, it doesn’t, not when Leeteuk looks so exhausted he might just fall asleep going up the stairs. “What matters is that you need to go to sleep.”
“But I have to-” Leeteuk tries to protest.
“Go to sleep,” Kangin interrupts. “The papers can wait until tomorrow.”
“But-” Leeteuk says again, and this time Kangin throws all caution to the winds and interrupts Leeteuk by pulling his chair away from the desk and picking him up. It still feels so right holding Leeteuk like this, the leader’s weight warm in Kangin’s arms, and Leeteuk is silent, steady breathing against Kangin’s shoulder.
Kangin forces himself not to think of the fact that Leeteuk is probably only allowing this because he’s so tired, and maneuvers them out of the room and up the two flights of stairs to what used to be their room. Only Leeteuk sleeps there now-Kangin’s been sleeping next door in what used to be Heechul and Hankyung’s room, and he finds himself unable to fall asleep for hours on end, wondering if those two are doing better than he and Leeteuk are now, despite the circumstances.
On the second floor, Kangin notices Donghae sleeping on the living room couch, his back purposely to the door of Hyukjae’s room. Kangin feels a surge of despair; he has no idea what’s causing this rift in the famous ‘Eunhae’ couple-though he suspects it might have something to do with Siwon-but whatever it is, he prays that they’ll make up soon. As much as he used to scold them for their displays and confessions of affection, listening to them scream at each other for hours and feeling the dorms almost vibrating with tension is taking its toll on all of them.
Opening the door to Leeteuk’s room with his elbow, Kangin notes with surprise that the right side of the room-his side, supposedly-is messy, as if someone’s been sleeping and living there, and the left side of the room that’s supposed to belong to Leeteuk is untouched. He looks down at Leeteuk, dozing off against Kangin’s chest, and looks back at the two beds, before carrying Leeteuk over to the bed against the right-hand wall.
He puts Leeteuk down gently and tucks the covers around him, trying not to let his hands linger on Leeteuk’s thin shoulders. Pushing away the memories of kisses and quiet laughter in the dark, he allows himself to run a hand through Leeteuk’s hair before turning away, heading for the bedroom next door.
“Wait,” Leeteuk calls after him, his voice tired but somehow desperate. “Youngwoon ah, don’t leave.”
Kangin freezes in the doorway, before walking slowly back to Leeteuk’s bedside. “I’m only going next door,” he says. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Leeteuk shakes his head, the expression on his face petulant from what Kangin can see past the shadows. “Don’t leave,” the leader repeats, reaching out to grip Kangin’s wrist. “Stay with me tonight, Youngwoonie.”
Kangin startles, unsure whether to laugh or cry, so he settles for just climbing into bed. The two of them shift around for a while, trying to figure out how they’re both going to fit on the bed, before Kangin pulls Leeteuk into his arms again. If Leeteuk complains, he’ll just use the excuse that one of them will fall off otherwise, Kangin reasons, but Leeteuk presses himself willingly into Kangin’s touch, tucking his head under Kangin’s chin as his breathing evens out.
There are tears pricking at Kangin’s eyes but he smiles, basking in Leeteuk’s warmth as he falls asleep.