(no subject)
after 3 years as a convenience store employeee I've finally given it the boot. i liked the job so much at first that it took that long for the novelty to wear off and not be funny to me anymore. it's time for something else, even if right now that means nothing.
i'm ready to move home. I'm ready to really be a sister.
but more than that, i'm ready to leave even though i'm terrified of graduation and what I will or won't do with myself.
I know I want to move far away and have a new beginning. I know I want to make films.
Knowing those things doesn't even take thought but getting there is what will.
And then there are the questions - what if I move somewhere and I'm lonely? What if I go and the place is overrated?
In a way I'm mad at myself for staying at UNH after the realization that THEY DON'T HAVE FILM.
It's not that everything feels like a waste, but I don't feel much closure/accomplishment/excitement with graduation because what I actually want to be learning still feels so out of reach.
I did find a video production class at Stratham Tech, and I enrolled and will take it and am glad for the baby step, but still.
but still.
Whether it's through graduate school or an internship, I still need to learn so much and be exposed to more TECHNOLOGY than I can even imagine.
I know i'll do it, though. either quickly or slowly.
I think a lot of what I want to do is driven by wanting to prove people wrong, by wanting to be able to say "you thought I couldn't do this, and I did."
i'm ready to move home. I'm ready to really be a sister.
but more than that, i'm ready to leave even though i'm terrified of graduation and what I will or won't do with myself.
I know I want to move far away and have a new beginning. I know I want to make films.
Knowing those things doesn't even take thought but getting there is what will.
And then there are the questions - what if I move somewhere and I'm lonely? What if I go and the place is overrated?
In a way I'm mad at myself for staying at UNH after the realization that THEY DON'T HAVE FILM.
It's not that everything feels like a waste, but I don't feel much closure/accomplishment/excitement with graduation because what I actually want to be learning still feels so out of reach.
I did find a video production class at Stratham Tech, and I enrolled and will take it and am glad for the baby step, but still.
but still.
Whether it's through graduate school or an internship, I still need to learn so much and be exposed to more TECHNOLOGY than I can even imagine.
I know i'll do it, though. either quickly or slowly.
I think a lot of what I want to do is driven by wanting to prove people wrong, by wanting to be able to say "you thought I couldn't do this, and I did."