Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?
Well, I figured since I haven't updated this thing in well almost a year I would update it. This is going to be pretty long...
The last year of my life has probably been the most stressful EVER.
I moved to Auburn in March, started working two jobs.
In April I saw Fall Out Boy. They were amazing.
In May, I went to Charleston, SC. Probably the most beautiful place I have ever been. EVER.
In June, nothing really.
In July, started talking to my ex-boyfriend again. July 31st he had a motorcycle accident that almost (literally) killed him. He was in the trauma unit in Birmingham for 3 weeks and then in ICU for a week. It's been 4 months since he came home and he still has one more surgery and more therapy. I was in Birmingham at the hospital so much in the month of August it was ridiculous. We started dating again but we broke up again. I dunno what will happen with us. He's frustrating and confusing, but I love him a lot so I suppose we'll wait and see what God has planned for me.
I started back to school in August. LOVED it. This semester was stressful. I was working 40 hours a week and taking 16 hours, but I made A's and B's so I guess I did okay.
I have come to realize how much I love music and I'm considering pursuing a career in it, but I don't know what I'm doing to do with it yet. PRAY FOR ME!
I know over 50 couples that are engaged right now. It's pretty much BLOWING my mind. I don't even have a steady boyfriend. YOWZA!
This year I learned who my real friends are. I realized how immature some people are. I realized that I can't really depend on ANYONE. It's made me pretty sad and depressed for a lot of the year. I'm hoping 2007 will be better for me and that I will hopefully find peace with myself and true happiness. I think everyone deserves that.
Next semester is going to be really busy for me as well. I have 13 hours, working 40 hours and I'm babysitting 2 days a week. PHEW!!!! Talk about loaded down. Hopefully I'll find some time to do some stuff, but who knows....
I really miss my Birmingham friends SO much. They complete my life...and my life is definately not complete right now...I need them. Esp, Christy, Kristen and Brittany.
So, I was thinking how I really want to make a difference in someones life. I have had a lot of people change mine...with things they have done or said. It's amazing how one conversation with someone can really change your life or the way you think about things or even make you realize how miniscule (sp?) the problems you think you have in your life really are. Ya know. ANYWAY.
Of course, you know me and my absolute ridiculous fetish with One Tree Hill. I love it. I KNOW, I'm ridiculous. So the last few days at work I've been catching up on them, cause I can't watch them when it actually comes on cause I'm at church, so I've missed pretty much the whole season. SO, I've been catching up...the last episode that aired, Lucas (Chad Michael Murray, the main character) has a heart condition and he had a heart attack and Haley (Bethany Joy Galleoti, Lucas' best friend) had been hit by a car trying to save Nathan's life (James Lafferty, Haley's husband and Lucas' half-brother). I know, stupid ridiculous drama. ANYWAY. Lucas is in the hospital unconscious and it's a "dream" he's having while he's unconscious that he sees his dead Uncle Keith (Craig Scheffer). Uncle Keith shows him how life would have been if Lucas had not been the person he was, if he hadn't forgiven people or been there for people like he had. I can personally relate to this, especially over the last few months in which I have had to choose to handle certain situations the way I have. I don't regret it at all...sometimes I wanted to just go off on them, still do, but I know in my heart that that is not how I should act...I know I've blogged about this before, but this episode made me realize that if I hadn't reacted the way I did, what would have happened...what friends would I have lost? What respect from people would I have lost? What impact did the way I react have on people? I know that there are people who said that they appreciated the way I acted and then turned around and did the exact opposite and hurt me the same way others have, but I'm not holding grudges and I'm moving on. I don't understand why everyone can't just get along. I really don't. BUT, no matter what I'm going to continue being the person I am...because if I change the way I act and who I am, I won't get respect from anyone. Have you ever wondered what marks our time here- if one can really make an impact on the world or if the choices we make matter? I believe the do. And I believe that one man can change many lives for better or worse. I want to change them for better, not worse. Look at our Savior. He changes peoples lives everyday because of who he was. I'm not a Savior and that's not what I'm implying, but we should be living our lives day to day to be more like him...to change peoples lives and bring them to the Lord. Mr. Tony (the preacher at the church I attend in AU) preached a sermon not to long ago where he spoke (very highly of I might add) a woman they went to church with in Texas who had made the choice to follow the straight and narrow and how she has brought other members of her family along with her. From now on that family is forever changed because of that one woman. That's so incredible. I am probably the most forgiving and patient person you'll ever meet. I don't get mad at anyone really. I think it is a pointless emotion, but then again I get walked over a lot because I'm so nice...that my friends is my tragic flaw. It really is. My weakness is I care ENTIRELY too much and I keep getting hurt...but honestly I think I would rather get hurt than people heartless. And I hope that my tragic flaw will in the end be my way of changing someones life for the better. That's it. The end.
I'm having so many struggles right now it's ridiculous. I'm trying so hard to be the person I know I should be, but sometimes people in your life put you into situations where it makes it SO insanely hard. I am so tired of sitting around and watching people stab one another in the back and talk about one another. Do they really think they are being the people they should be? Is that how a Christian should act? and more importantly ARE THE REASONS YOU ARE FIGHTING WORTH IT??? OR IMPORTANT FOR THAT MATTER??
There has been so much BOY drama going on here lately that it makes me sick. They aren't worth it. The fighting, the bickering...it's a stinking guy. There are so many things in life MORE important and instead of worrying about a guy, shouldn't we be worrying about our relationships with God. If you're gonna get married, you're gonna get married, STOP trying to make it happen and let it happen. I suppose I've just learned over the years because of things I've been through that honestly, I can't depend on anyone but myself, God and my faith that no matter what...God is with me. Sometimes I get so angry because I have so much to deal with in my life and I rarely have real time for myself without having something to do and I think to myself...ya know...I wish I could be like so and so who doesn't have to work while they are in school and they have all this free time to study and spend time with their friends...but in reality...I should be SO thankful that I have to work and I have things to occupy my time instead of being so bored that I make up stuff to be upset about just so I have something to do. In the last few months I have really come to a realization of who my real friends are and who are going to be there for me no matter what happens and who won't go behind my back and do things that they know will hurt me.
There are so many days that I want to look up and say WHY? WHY ME? WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY FOR ONCE AND NOT HAVE SO MANY THINGS WEIGHING ME DOWN AND HURTING ME SO BADLY....
and then I think...No, Erica STOP THAT. You have SO many things to be thankful for...and that's when I have to seriously stop what I'm doing and just start thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for and start praying.
Why do we let the little stupid things that in a couple of months won't mean a daddd-gum thing to us get to us so badly that it starts hurting friendships and we start going behind one anothers backs constantly? I seriously DO NOT get it. We all (MYSELF COMPLETELY INCLUDED) need to start thinking about the things that are REALLY TRULY important in life...like our relationships with God and our family...the people that will be there when that boy breaks our hearts like our friends told us he would, or when someone doesn't like you...
start thinking about the starving children overseas, or the men fighting for our country and their families left behind that wonder every day whether they will ever see them again, the kid who's father or mother died in the 9/11 attacks and they will never know what it's like to have them in their lives, or the person who doesn't know about God's word...whose soul is lost because we can't get off our butts and stop feeling sorry for ourselves to get out there and teach the lost and save souls like we our told to do in the bible. Seriously....do you know how lucky you are???
Well God Bless You ALL in 2007!!!!
*pray*
EJS
The last year of my life has probably been the most stressful EVER.
I moved to Auburn in March, started working two jobs.
In April I saw Fall Out Boy. They were amazing.
In May, I went to Charleston, SC. Probably the most beautiful place I have ever been. EVER.
In June, nothing really.
In July, started talking to my ex-boyfriend again. July 31st he had a motorcycle accident that almost (literally) killed him. He was in the trauma unit in Birmingham for 3 weeks and then in ICU for a week. It's been 4 months since he came home and he still has one more surgery and more therapy. I was in Birmingham at the hospital so much in the month of August it was ridiculous. We started dating again but we broke up again. I dunno what will happen with us. He's frustrating and confusing, but I love him a lot so I suppose we'll wait and see what God has planned for me.
I started back to school in August. LOVED it. This semester was stressful. I was working 40 hours a week and taking 16 hours, but I made A's and B's so I guess I did okay.
I have come to realize how much I love music and I'm considering pursuing a career in it, but I don't know what I'm doing to do with it yet. PRAY FOR ME!
I know over 50 couples that are engaged right now. It's pretty much BLOWING my mind. I don't even have a steady boyfriend. YOWZA!
This year I learned who my real friends are. I realized how immature some people are. I realized that I can't really depend on ANYONE. It's made me pretty sad and depressed for a lot of the year. I'm hoping 2007 will be better for me and that I will hopefully find peace with myself and true happiness. I think everyone deserves that.
Next semester is going to be really busy for me as well. I have 13 hours, working 40 hours and I'm babysitting 2 days a week. PHEW!!!! Talk about loaded down. Hopefully I'll find some time to do some stuff, but who knows....
I really miss my Birmingham friends SO much. They complete my life...and my life is definately not complete right now...I need them. Esp, Christy, Kristen and Brittany.
So, I was thinking how I really want to make a difference in someones life. I have had a lot of people change mine...with things they have done or said. It's amazing how one conversation with someone can really change your life or the way you think about things or even make you realize how miniscule (sp?) the problems you think you have in your life really are. Ya know. ANYWAY.
Of course, you know me and my absolute ridiculous fetish with One Tree Hill. I love it. I KNOW, I'm ridiculous. So the last few days at work I've been catching up on them, cause I can't watch them when it actually comes on cause I'm at church, so I've missed pretty much the whole season. SO, I've been catching up...the last episode that aired, Lucas (Chad Michael Murray, the main character) has a heart condition and he had a heart attack and Haley (Bethany Joy Galleoti, Lucas' best friend) had been hit by a car trying to save Nathan's life (James Lafferty, Haley's husband and Lucas' half-brother). I know, stupid ridiculous drama. ANYWAY. Lucas is in the hospital unconscious and it's a "dream" he's having while he's unconscious that he sees his dead Uncle Keith (Craig Scheffer). Uncle Keith shows him how life would have been if Lucas had not been the person he was, if he hadn't forgiven people or been there for people like he had. I can personally relate to this, especially over the last few months in which I have had to choose to handle certain situations the way I have. I don't regret it at all...sometimes I wanted to just go off on them, still do, but I know in my heart that that is not how I should act...I know I've blogged about this before, but this episode made me realize that if I hadn't reacted the way I did, what would have happened...what friends would I have lost? What respect from people would I have lost? What impact did the way I react have on people? I know that there are people who said that they appreciated the way I acted and then turned around and did the exact opposite and hurt me the same way others have, but I'm not holding grudges and I'm moving on. I don't understand why everyone can't just get along. I really don't. BUT, no matter what I'm going to continue being the person I am...because if I change the way I act and who I am, I won't get respect from anyone. Have you ever wondered what marks our time here- if one can really make an impact on the world or if the choices we make matter? I believe the do. And I believe that one man can change many lives for better or worse. I want to change them for better, not worse. Look at our Savior. He changes peoples lives everyday because of who he was. I'm not a Savior and that's not what I'm implying, but we should be living our lives day to day to be more like him...to change peoples lives and bring them to the Lord. Mr. Tony (the preacher at the church I attend in AU) preached a sermon not to long ago where he spoke (very highly of I might add) a woman they went to church with in Texas who had made the choice to follow the straight and narrow and how she has brought other members of her family along with her. From now on that family is forever changed because of that one woman. That's so incredible. I am probably the most forgiving and patient person you'll ever meet. I don't get mad at anyone really. I think it is a pointless emotion, but then again I get walked over a lot because I'm so nice...that my friends is my tragic flaw. It really is. My weakness is I care ENTIRELY too much and I keep getting hurt...but honestly I think I would rather get hurt than people heartless. And I hope that my tragic flaw will in the end be my way of changing someones life for the better. That's it. The end.
I'm having so many struggles right now it's ridiculous. I'm trying so hard to be the person I know I should be, but sometimes people in your life put you into situations where it makes it SO insanely hard. I am so tired of sitting around and watching people stab one another in the back and talk about one another. Do they really think they are being the people they should be? Is that how a Christian should act? and more importantly ARE THE REASONS YOU ARE FIGHTING WORTH IT??? OR IMPORTANT FOR THAT MATTER??
There has been so much BOY drama going on here lately that it makes me sick. They aren't worth it. The fighting, the bickering...it's a stinking guy. There are so many things in life MORE important and instead of worrying about a guy, shouldn't we be worrying about our relationships with God. If you're gonna get married, you're gonna get married, STOP trying to make it happen and let it happen. I suppose I've just learned over the years because of things I've been through that honestly, I can't depend on anyone but myself, God and my faith that no matter what...God is with me. Sometimes I get so angry because I have so much to deal with in my life and I rarely have real time for myself without having something to do and I think to myself...ya know...I wish I could be like so and so who doesn't have to work while they are in school and they have all this free time to study and spend time with their friends...but in reality...I should be SO thankful that I have to work and I have things to occupy my time instead of being so bored that I make up stuff to be upset about just so I have something to do. In the last few months I have really come to a realization of who my real friends are and who are going to be there for me no matter what happens and who won't go behind my back and do things that they know will hurt me.
There are so many days that I want to look up and say WHY? WHY ME? WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY FOR ONCE AND NOT HAVE SO MANY THINGS WEIGHING ME DOWN AND HURTING ME SO BADLY....
and then I think...No, Erica STOP THAT. You have SO many things to be thankful for...and that's when I have to seriously stop what I'm doing and just start thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for and start praying.
Why do we let the little stupid things that in a couple of months won't mean a daddd-gum thing to us get to us so badly that it starts hurting friendships and we start going behind one anothers backs constantly? I seriously DO NOT get it. We all (MYSELF COMPLETELY INCLUDED) need to start thinking about the things that are REALLY TRULY important in life...like our relationships with God and our family...the people that will be there when that boy breaks our hearts like our friends told us he would, or when someone doesn't like you...
start thinking about the starving children overseas, or the men fighting for our country and their families left behind that wonder every day whether they will ever see them again, the kid who's father or mother died in the 9/11 attacks and they will never know what it's like to have them in their lives, or the person who doesn't know about God's word...whose soul is lost because we can't get off our butts and stop feeling sorry for ourselves to get out there and teach the lost and save souls like we our told to do in the bible. Seriously....do you know how lucky you are???
Well God Bless You ALL in 2007!!!!
*pray*
EJS