I had not expected things to come out this way
[Private to Lestat]
I truly am sorry. I would ask you to pass such onto her, but she would neither believe the sentiments nor would they be enough.
[/end]
[In journal]
And then she ran away. I have done many idiotic things before, but those things that I've done with him are the worst. I can feel it coming on. That need, that want. It never works in the end, does it? There is always something which prevents things from following though. To be honest, it's rather pathetic of me. To never be able to complete that which I once started. I should have stopped when he asked me to, yet we both persisted. I ought to be the one who would stop. I was so angry. She wasn't the only one who cared, but she will never see it as such, so why bother attempting to show someone something they wish not to see.
On top of all things I have been lying again. Not even simple things. I've learned much since coming to this place. Nine months and I am already no longer who I once was. The same, yet different. It is strange. I know longing better then I have ever known it before. I long for Mitsuhide, Artemis and Otto. I long for Amanda and Jean. Both were so very dear. I long for things that have long been forgotten.
Strangely, I long for Sabine. I don't understand this at all. She is a deity, the vile things which assist in torturing us, the things which treat us as pawns and toys, but she is also kind. Even being a seedling is more then I have ever had before. It is comforting to think, even if it is untrue, that I am loved.
I long to be with Tomos and my pack again. Such good sense from Tomos. He would know what to tell me. Particularly pertaining to the lies. He always had such sense. I cannot tell Mat though. I cannot tell him. The thought of losing him to my own previous folly ... I would rather be forced to tell romance stories to Maidens.
I supposed I have become attached. Too attached to all of them. When the time to become what I will comes, I hope that I can remember, and when the need arises to protect them, I will be certain to be ready to do what is needed.
[End]
I need inspiration. I will be taking a walk.
I truly am sorry. I would ask you to pass such onto her, but she would neither believe the sentiments nor would they be enough.
[/end]
[In journal]
And then she ran away. I have done many idiotic things before, but those things that I've done with him are the worst. I can feel it coming on. That need, that want. It never works in the end, does it? There is always something which prevents things from following though. To be honest, it's rather pathetic of me. To never be able to complete that which I once started. I should have stopped when he asked me to, yet we both persisted. I ought to be the one who would stop. I was so angry. She wasn't the only one who cared, but she will never see it as such, so why bother attempting to show someone something they wish not to see.
On top of all things I have been lying again. Not even simple things. I've learned much since coming to this place. Nine months and I am already no longer who I once was. The same, yet different. It is strange. I know longing better then I have ever known it before. I long for Mitsuhide, Artemis and Otto. I long for Amanda and Jean. Both were so very dear. I long for things that have long been forgotten.
Strangely, I long for Sabine. I don't understand this at all. She is a deity, the vile things which assist in torturing us, the things which treat us as pawns and toys, but she is also kind. Even being a seedling is more then I have ever had before. It is comforting to think, even if it is untrue, that I am loved.
I long to be with Tomos and my pack again. Such good sense from Tomos. He would know what to tell me. Particularly pertaining to the lies. He always had such sense. I cannot tell Mat though. I cannot tell him. The thought of losing him to my own previous folly ... I would rather be forced to tell romance stories to Maidens.
I supposed I have become attached. Too attached to all of them. When the time to become what I will comes, I hope that I can remember, and when the need arises to protect them, I will be certain to be ready to do what is needed.
[End]
I need inspiration. I will be taking a walk.