Love is the End, So Let's Not Pretend
I'm on a short deadline for an article, which means this random post makes a lot more sense. I think it might be good to get the mind jogging on irrelevent bullshit before attempting any eloquent, paying work.
I have had the song "Love is the End" by Keane stuck in my head every time I hear it. You normal people think I'm a sadist but honestly, once in a while you hear a horribly melancholy song that you just have to hang on for dear life. Some of those songs include "Body Urge" by Great Fiction, "Atlantic" by Keane, "Future Says Run" Tonic, "Ode to Divorce" Regina Spector, "Hero" Regina Spector (she is really good at those), "I Know" Fiona Apple.
These songs make me swing by some misplaced emotional string, right back into a moment that meant something.
Why do we hold ourselves back? It's a question I've been pondering lately. How can I have been with Adam for so long and still not feel comfortable just singing around the house, dancing like a fool, being the self he didn't get to know. I think it's hard for him to understand sometimes that I have always been this person - a writer, singer, actress, joker, off the wall, blatantly honest, underinformed yet overly opinionated person - that I can't be right now as I'm stuck in a cube, trying to build my future by someone else's rules.
Why do we keep ourselves in? I could explode with all the things I'd like to be doing in life and yet I feel so lackluster. Maybe that's just another part of my personality: to never feel satisfied with anything.
Am I greedy?
While that may be a more difficult question, asking whether I'm self centered is easy: the answer is yes. I will now talk about my hair.
It's been six months since I got my hair done and I'll be honest with you, I'm in a rut. For a long time, I had long hair. Then I chopped it off, got some highlights, and felt grown up for a while. But in true fashion of my internal inquisition, I question if I'm living it up enough. I don't want any tattoos or more peircings, but I can do something fun!
So I think I want to finally get red hair like I always wanted. Not red red. I pretty much want to be Amy Adams on the cover of Marie Claire. I also miss my long wavy hair. I think I'm gonna go for it.
Of course that's a long road considering where it is now but, dammit, I'm in my 20s and it's the best time to just do the things you want to do! I'm not living in NYC, I'm not working some glamorous job...in fact I'm in the suburbs working with a job well below what I deserve. Maybe a new look will inspire me to be the person I've missed.
Until then, I've got the right hair to be professional and make sure I get my shit done.
Back to the "real" writing.
I have had the song "Love is the End" by Keane stuck in my head every time I hear it. You normal people think I'm a sadist but honestly, once in a while you hear a horribly melancholy song that you just have to hang on for dear life. Some of those songs include "Body Urge" by Great Fiction, "Atlantic" by Keane, "Future Says Run" Tonic, "Ode to Divorce" Regina Spector, "Hero" Regina Spector (she is really good at those), "I Know" Fiona Apple.
These songs make me swing by some misplaced emotional string, right back into a moment that meant something.
Why do we hold ourselves back? It's a question I've been pondering lately. How can I have been with Adam for so long and still not feel comfortable just singing around the house, dancing like a fool, being the self he didn't get to know. I think it's hard for him to understand sometimes that I have always been this person - a writer, singer, actress, joker, off the wall, blatantly honest, underinformed yet overly opinionated person - that I can't be right now as I'm stuck in a cube, trying to build my future by someone else's rules.
Why do we keep ourselves in? I could explode with all the things I'd like to be doing in life and yet I feel so lackluster. Maybe that's just another part of my personality: to never feel satisfied with anything.
Am I greedy?
While that may be a more difficult question, asking whether I'm self centered is easy: the answer is yes. I will now talk about my hair.
It's been six months since I got my hair done and I'll be honest with you, I'm in a rut. For a long time, I had long hair. Then I chopped it off, got some highlights, and felt grown up for a while. But in true fashion of my internal inquisition, I question if I'm living it up enough. I don't want any tattoos or more peircings, but I can do something fun!
So I think I want to finally get red hair like I always wanted. Not red red. I pretty much want to be Amy Adams on the cover of Marie Claire. I also miss my long wavy hair. I think I'm gonna go for it.
Of course that's a long road considering where it is now but, dammit, I'm in my 20s and it's the best time to just do the things you want to do! I'm not living in NYC, I'm not working some glamorous job...in fact I'm in the suburbs working with a job well below what I deserve. Maybe a new look will inspire me to be the person I've missed.
Until then, I've got the right hair to be professional and make sure I get my shit done.
Back to the "real" writing.