The Paradox of our Love
YEAR: 1974
A mansion, a company, billions of dollars and god-like features, this is the definition of Oh Sehun. At the young age of 17, the candy empire Saccharine Industries, Ltd. was founded by Mr. Oh and by its 2nd year became the biggest candy supplier in England. Now aged 20 and the company at its 3rd year, Mr. Oh wanted to expand the company by venturing on importing.
Since young, Mr. Oh was raised in a business atmosphere. With parents as business tycoons and as an only child, He has always been addressed as Mr. Oh or young master by all employees. His personal butler, chauffeur and childhood friend (considered as his closest/only true friend due to the fact that everyone tries to seize each chance to either use or destroy the young billionaire) Luhan, is also not exempted in addressing Sehun as such.
Their fateful encounter started when Sehun was 8 years old and Luhan was 12. Luhan’s family were Chinese immigrants that were employed by the Oh family. His parents were the main chefs of the family. Having nothing to do in the vast mansion of the Oh residence, Luhan often wanders in the garden and frequently finds the young master Oh Sehun reading under a tree. A Series of Unfortunate EventsLuhan read in his mind. No wonder that kid looks gloomy. I bet he’s thinking what if it happens to him. What the…? He’s crying?
“Hey!” shouted Luhan as he came toward the tree where the crying boy was found. “Men aren’t supposed to cry over a book you know!” The boy, Oh Sehun, looked (well to be more precise, glared) at him, stood up, wiped his eyes & nose and ran towards the mansion. What’s his problem?Little did Luhan know that their destiny started intertwining that day he saw the boy cry.
The very next day, he was assigned as Oh Sehun’s personal butler. He was to obey every command of the young master. Loyalty shall be his embodiment and protection of Oh Sehun was his mission. He was to address Oh Sehun as Mr. Oh or young master as commanded by Sehun’s parents. Any behaviour that displeased his masters shall render Luhan as incompetent and will be considered as a traitor to his master. Any traitor will be punished by the law accordingly, it was written in the country’s constitution in order to bring discipline to those below the social status.
At the 8th year of their companionship, a fire consumed the residence of the Oh family. The unfortunate accident that led to the demise of both Oh and Lu family made the 2 unfortunate souls to be alone together. Oh Sehun becoming an orphan pushed him to develop the candy empire to maintain the honour of the Oh family, to carry on the prestigious name that his parents had built.
A year was all it took for the inseparable friendship of the lads to develop into love. It may have been because of their loss, they thought that it was just a common feeling that resulted from the tragedy that happened but destiny thought more, for their love only bloomed and bloom it shall be more.
Compatibility is a simple word that unjustly describes the connection between the two lads. The years that they have shared together created an inseparable bond that binds them together. 12 years of servitude. 12 years of companionship. 12 years of building emotions.
Now at 24, Luhan can confidently call this feeling as love. The fondness that he first felt for the young master, slowly puzzled together to become a forbidden feeling. He was just a servant, a butler. He had no right for his master’s love. He will never be able to express his love. How tragic can this life be?What’s more tragic is the fact that the young master thinks that physical contact is essential for a healthy working relationship. This master will be the death of me!
“For the nth time Luhan, stop calling me as Mr. Oh or Young master! Call me by my name” Sehun argues as I drive him towards the candy factory. “Would you quit it? It became my habit and besides, YOU are my master remember?” I quickly looked behind to emphasize my point. Little did I know that he’s seated directly behind me. Oh bloody hell!Our nose almost touched each other; I quickly looked at the road again. Focus Luhan!
“What’s the matter? Are you flustered?” he whispered in my ear.
“Stop whispering in my ear! You know I feel weird about it and sit properly!” I quickly answered as the blush slowly spread unto my cheeks.
As I looked at the rear-view mirror, our eyes met. He’s staring at me with a ghost of a smile hanging on his distracting lips. “Don’t be so uptight! I promise I will lessen the teasing and will listen to your advices for a week, just start calling me by my name please? It’s been years since we’d been together. You’re the only person who understands me and stood by me through all these years. I don’t want to feel that I’m just a stranger to you”
“You’re not a stranger!”
“Prove it!” he said. I looked at the rear-view mirror again and then I knew, I finally lost to this argument. That eyes that grasps my entire being with trust and dependence gazes at me, piercing my heart and crumbling all my conviction into nothingness.
“Fine, Sehun. Delighted? Just to let you know, I will probably still call you young master from time to time for as I have said a million times, it’s a habit. Habits are hard to break” I said I opened the passenger seat to let him out of the car.
A little over 3 months and I finally got the hang of calling him Sehun and he got the hang of hugging me every chance that he has. I’m not that insensitive to not know that our feelings are mutual. I know Sehun is giving me the choice: to take a leap of faith in this insane feeling called love or to let it stay as it is. A part of me is hoping that he’ll just fight for me, that he’ll hug me tighter than the last time, say that he loves me more than yesterday, say that he won’t give me a chance to say no and will never let me go. I am a coward. I know that. I feel like some damsel in distress in a cheap love story always waiting and never acting. But courage is something that I can never wield.
“Luhan come into my room after supper” Sehun had said after we arrived back at the mansion. “Why? Is there something wrong?” I asked. “Later. We’ll discuss this later.” he said ending our conversation with his routine embrace. A maid saw everything that happened and acted as if she had seen nothing. All of the servants know our dispositions for they have been with us long before, when our parents were still alive. They are used to our arguments and weird acts. I know that they secretly hope for our relationship to find that glimmer of happiness.
“Well I’m here. What will we be discussing?”
“I’m leaving the country for half a year in five days” he simply said.
I froze. Am I hearing this correctly? We have never been separated since I was 12. I don’t know anything without Sehun. I don’t know how to exist, how to function without Sehun. What am I going to do? I didn’t even say I lo-
“Luhan, Calm down. Breathe!” he guided me to sit in the corner of his bed. He waited until the panic attack subsided as he stood beside me. “Are you calm now?” he asked.
“Calm? CALM?! How am I supposed to be calm? You’re leaving me. I know it is business related right? It’s to expand your company right?”
“Right”
“But in 5 days? I know I’m just your butler, your chauffeur, but I thought that we had a connection, that I am something more than just a stranger but I guess not. Here you are leaving without even discussing it with me. I knew someday you’ll have to negotiate overseas but for half a year? And you just told me these 5 days before your departure?”
“Why are you angry?”
“I’m not-“
“I love you, Luhan. There I finally said it. I’m suppose to leave without saying anything but I think it’ll hurt more if I can’t say goodbye to you before missing you for half a year. This is the first time that we’ll be separated since we met and I don’t know, something pushed me to confess, to let you know this feeling before I leave” he said as he sat beside me.
“Lies” was all I can muster to say for any more than that, tears will flow from my eyes.
“Luhan if this feeling is a lie, then nothing is real” he held my hand, cupped my cheeks and then he kissed me. The burst of emotions from the spark of the kiss left me whole body hot. He continued to kiss me, mercilessly devouring my lips, leaving not a single part of my mouth unexplored. As our lips parted, both gasping for much needed air, Sehun whispered, “Be mine Luhan. I love you” That simple phrase got me to surrender, that phrase was all I wanted to hear from him from all these years. I kissed him to answer his love, a kiss that told a thousand emotions that I desperately tried to contain.
He slowly left trails of kisses from my ears, to my jaw line, barely missing the edge of my lips, and going down to the nape of my neck. He licked each nipple, giving them much attention. My body slowly curled in pleasure. The hotness of his body slowly envelops me as I lose my strength. Then Sehun’s attention to my body goes lower and lower. The ecstasy that he’s giving me drives my body insane. I never thought that making love for the first time would be like this.
“Are you ready?” Sehun asked me as soon as he finished preparing my body, beads of sweat trailing in his defined body. He undressed on top of me and I was left staring while my whole body is exposed to him. “Don’t be afraid, have I ever hurt you?” he said as he lightly kissed my forehead.
“Just breathe and relax Luhan, okay?” but before I could reply, he started to go inside me, slowly filling me. Whispers of assurance, love and adoration kept me from crying out in pain. Tears slowly escaped my eyes and Sehun kissed each trail one by one. He goes further and deeper, going faster and faster. The pain that I once felt slowly turned into pleasure, building inside me and filling me until I can’t take it anymore. I tightly grasp Sehun’s arm as he said “Come for me” then I let go. The burst of pleasure left me breathless as Sehun collapsed over me.
The days that had followed were both our happiest and saddest. Few more days and Sehun would leave for half a year. We spent every waking moment together, cherishing the fulfilment of requited love, but alas, all good this must come to an end. The last night before the fated separation, we are lying down in Sehun’s bed. It was raining as if the heavens are weeping for our little unfortunate position. It’s just half a year. I always tell myself but it will always be a painful separation.
When Sehun left, I was left in-charge of the management of the company here in England. I was thankful for the sudden heavy workload for it keeps me from thinking of following Sehun abroad. I asked if he can take me with him but he said that I’m the only one he trusts to run the company here.
He would call me about twice a week but the time zones are different so we often chat only for a few minutes with exhaustion taking toll in either one of us in different times. He was travelling around the globe, finding partners, expanding the company. Each call would be a different time, a different place. Every free time I have, I always wait for his calls. Sometimes I am working and sometimes I’m about to sleep when he calls. Each call always makes me miss him more.
“I miss you Luhan”
“I miss you more than anything, Sehun”
“Always know that I love you. Goodnight”
“Good morning Sehun, and know that I feel the same”
Five months have passed living upside down with Sehun. I don’t even want to be in this town, I just want to be by his side, anywhere it may be. One more month Luhan, hang on!
The night before Sehun’s arrival, I couldn’t sleep. I suddenly remembered a conversation we had before he left.
“Luhan, what do you think happens after death?” Sehun asked me as we lay together in the bed.
“I think death is temporary. It’s just something that we experience, that every person experience. And after every experience comes a satisfaction of finality, of an end, and the whole cycle repeats itself”
“So you believe in reincarnations?”
“Why wouldn’t you? Isn’t it romantic?”
“Yes it is”
“Why are you asking me such things?”
“Because I believe that we’ll always be together, even after death, after life and after eternity. I want you to know that I will always find you. We will be together no matter what because it is my destiny to love you”
The memory made my heart swell. At last, I will finally be together with Sehun again. Excitement and satisfaction of our reunion lulled me to sleep finally.
I closed my eyes and dreamt of Sehun.
We were walking together in the streets, openly holding our hands. My heart was beating faster, conscious of the stares that pare pointed towards us. He squeezed by hand and whispered, telling me to not look at other man. I laughed, the simple gesture made me feel his love. I looked at him and he smiled, but his smile was rather sad. Before I could ask what is wrong, he suddenly pulled my further in the sidewalk as a truck swiftly goes towards us. Blood flowed freely from the body of Sehun as I hold him in my arms.
I woke up frantic from the dream. Trying to brush it off, I started to get ready to fetch Sehun from the airport.
The very sight of the man that I had yearned for half a year brought tears down my cheeks. A tight embrace and a deep, knee wobbling kiss was all it took to wipe away my anguish. As I drive Sehun towards the mansion, as we exchange cheerful conversations, it hit us.
I barely noticed a large vehicle coming from the side of the vehicle. Instinct and adrenaline hit me as I swiftly move the vehicle to save Sehun. The vehicle hit us hard. I blacked out for a moment. As I woke up, a glance in the rear-view mirror made me reassured when I saw that only few scratches adourned Sehun.
A large vehicle collided with Sehun and Luhan’s vehicle. The vehicle came from the side Luhan, before the collision he managed to move the vehicle so that it will only hit him. Sehun was sitting behind the driver’s seat. The car rolled over for about 10 meters before coming to a stop. Sehun got out of the car alive. Sustaining minor injuries, he immediately went to Luhan who is still inside. His legs were trapped and his head was bleeding. As the commotion left the people anxious, screaming for help and assisting the other driver of the vehicle, time stopped for the two lads and they entered in their small world for a while.
“Luhan, hang in there. Help is on the way. Don’t give up on me” Sehun cried as he grasped one of Luhan’s free hands.
“To be the one who saved you, to die by your side, is a heavenly place to be”
“No! Don’t say that. Never say that. You will not die, you hear me?”
“Sehun, as the end of my life draws near, where 24 years ago my life had come to a beginning, I feel that this day barely seemed significant in the vast phenomenon that unfolds in the pages of the world each day. My greatest gratitude may somehow reach the creator of our being for letting me walk this life, this life with you, where it may not be the most perfect of the lot, but may have been the happiest of ones. I love you, Sehun”
“Why are you saying your farewell? Are you giving up on us? We just barely started Luhan; I am not letting you go. I am not letting go”
“I’m not leaving you, I will never leave you. I’m just going first to the next chapter of our lives in a different time. I will be reincarnated again and when I come back, remember to find me”
“This is unfair!” streams of tears flowed freely in Sehun’s eyes as rain started pouring down.
“Do you regret it? Do you regret loving me?” I asked, half afraid of what he might answer.
“I will never regret you or say that I wish I’d never loved you, because once upon a time, you were exactly what I needed, you were exactly the one I loved & you’ll always be”
“Thank you Sehun for loving me, ‘til next time, love” content washed over my body.
“Until next time, love” A tear from Sehun dropped on my cheeks as the world was slowly engulfed by darkness.
The hand that Sehun is holding had been long wilted. The hand that Sehun is holding had long been cold.