I need a break
Unfortunately, it appears as though I will never get a break until I'm dead. I thought this semester would be easier because I'm only enrolled in one class. Wrong. Instead I'm supposed to be writing 2 comps this semester, collecting my disertation data, conducting parent training sessions, studying for my certification exam, presenting 2 more
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2) Do something criminal. The result is much the same.
3) Take a week off without telling anybody. Of course it might be even worse when you get back.
4) Start living in the third person. It won't be as stressful when it's happening to someone else. "Man, Rachel sure is having a shitty week. Glad I'm not her." Also, this gives you an excuse to speak in the third person all the time, which will make you insufferable to other people. But you can use their exasperation for entertainment (assuming that you still don't like people- just kidding, we always assume that).
"Rachel, we need to talk about this annoying third person habit of yours."
"Rachel White doesn't know what you're talking about."
"See? That right there is exactly what I'm talking about."
"Rachel White doesn't believe in what you're talking about."
5) Which brings me to my next idea, turn to religion. Specifically, solipsism. If you're suffering it's only because you want to, right?
6) Get another cat. It won't help, but it will fit the profile of someone who is slowly losing it.
7) Get a theme song. Play it constantly. If someone asks you if you will stop playing your music, turn it up.
8) When you converse with people, look over their shoulder, as if there was a... something, hell I don't know... a leprechaun sitting there. If they ask what you're looking at, sneer and say some derisive under your breath.
9) Glare menacingly until everyone leaves you alone. (Of course this may not work. I for one have always thought that was adorable. And not just on you, but on pretty much anyone. Yet another reason why I am the way I am.)
10) Compose lists. Ten items per list is a good round number.
11) Graduate.
12) Increase your efficiency. Sleep less. I hear meth helps.
13) Win the lottery. I can't believe you haven't thought to do this yet. Get right on that.
14) Contract some of your work to someone who has a lot of time on his hands. I hear Alan is good at writing comps. As long as they don't need to be accurate. Or on topic.
15) Trade in your frail human body for an awesome robot body that doesn't need rest but just works constantly. I think Gabs did this sometime during her senior year.
16) Girlsex. Hot.
17) Okay, that last one was just for me. And upon review should not have followed an item about my sister... ew. And the list is officially losing its "listy" flavor. (New from Starbucks, "Listy Frappe Espresso Cappo-Malt Cream." Also, for the classical pianist crowd, "Liszt-y." Giggle.)
18) Wear lots of Hawaiian shirts. It's impossible not to be relaxed in a Hawaiian shirt. I'll let you borrow a couple. You could wear a belt and turn them into stylish Hawaiian dresses. The kids will love it.
Upon review, most of these suggestions are things that would help me. Well, whatever you do, don't waste all of your valuable time reading bullshit lists composed by people who should really know better. But read my stuff, it's gold. GOLD I tell you!
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Actually, some of them I'm already attempting to do (e.g. #11, #13). I've also toyed with the ideas in #12 and #14, but I figure both of those would lead to a decrease in the probability that I'll accomplish #11. But definitely let me know where Gabs got the robot body from, because I'll do that, as long as it doesn't take winning the lottery to afford it.
Thanks for the suggestions, even if they were mostly for your benefit. They were amusing and a better end to this day that I thought it would be.
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