(no subject)
I explained to my mom in the clearest and most thorough ways why I am unhappy here. it wasn't much of a fight because it was mostly just me speaking. I began expressing myself rather loudly, and I've lost my voice. I don't know what to do from here. I told her she was missing the point. I was asking for help. things are well beyond the point where anything can be fixed or made better. I told her that I feel like I'm on the verge of something bad. I felt like I was going to have a breakdown at school...now I feel much worse. and so. now I don't know what to feel. empty I guess. there was a time when I was incapable of tears. I just couldn't force them out of my closed and walled-up self. now I can cry on command. give me a reason and I'll cry for you. I'm so emotionally fragile. the thought of anything sad will make me cry if I let it. I can actually feel a noticable tangible difference in my existence. I've changed over the past few weeks or months. it honestly scares me. it's never been this bad.