(no subject)
even going to see the nutcracker with my mother and grandmother proved to be quite depressing on the whole. tears met my cheeks during the first few pieces as I was whisked back to this time last year when I was adjusting to life in a non-home and filled with the excitement of a new friendship with Jenna. it was beautiful and that's what made me sad. last year it was just beautiful. I am so depressed and yet all the while there is still beauty and wonderfulness. just not where I am. it's the opposite of that rainy cloud over your head effect. the thing about depression isn't that you're sad. a lot of people are sad a lot of the time. you become consumed by it. there is a light but it's two weeks away and there's only rations for a few more days. I hate this.