Oct 04, 2005 20:21
fuck.
claire needs herself some newports.
so, the last time bernie was over my mom told him she was proud of my grades, because i have B's. and i'm sure everyone the first month of school has high averages.. well, at least i do. then i get lazy with homework. and get C's and D's. but i know this year counts alot. and you get your GPA. and colleges really look at your junior year. blah blah blah. and my mom gave me this thing with a bunch of colleges, and i guess i'm supposed to start looking now. it's kind of scary because i never really thought twice what i'm going to do after high school. i've always wanted to be an activist. or write, for activism. join the peace corps. or be a drug dealer. lol.
but. i started to think. maybe this is the time i should get my shit together. suck it up and do my homework, and try a little bit. i hear from everyone how smart i am, and if i only applied myself... ect.
maybe i don't want to go to college. i want to continue my education, but i don't have the patience for homework. i put things off till the last minute, then don't do it. that's how i've always been. i'm a lazy mofo.
but, my mom told me about how her friends daughter (AHEM Jennifer) got C's all through high school, and got into a good college in Boston. that gave me a little hope. i would love to go there. maybe my pursuit for learning will keep me going. i mean, i love history. if i could take a bunch of classes like that, i would be all set. i would love school. but, i can't try to get good grades, just to get good grades. at this point it dosen't matter that much to me, but i should start thinking about the future.
on another subject, this weekend was crazy. and Samantha, if you happen to read this, your crazy mother left a disturbing message on my machine, that said i had to call her. i was very afraid. lol. i tried to cover for us the best i could. but, i knew you where fucked. but as you said, you're never grounded for more than a week anyway. best of luck hun.
i guess puking is just as well as fucking on your friends parent's bed. ha.
and my mom told me that D&D are hiring. i would love that fucking job. so my ass is going down there tomorrow, and then babysitting. by january i'll have enough to buy/fix a car.. and i'll have my permit. finally.
high school is silly. drama is silly. it's funny, i have the feeling i'm above everything already. i guess having a 19 yr old dropout for a boyfriend keeps your mind in perspective :p
i love you my baybeh. next time i'm going to puke all over you. haha. give you a reason to shower.
um. what else.
i love emily. stop working so much.
hmmm.
and i've been thinking about sonja alot. everyone says she's in a better place. comming from a person who dosen't believe in heaven, i don't think there's a better thing to be than alive. the world would have been better with her. i hope this year they don't do another fucking assembly, using her as an example for the danger of drugs. she didn't die to teach everyone a fucking lesson. and i know this year i'll be down at her grave, smoking alot of pot. cause that's the way life should be.
<3