"That's a Dealbreaker!" By Lizard Sour-Fruit
That’s a Dealbreaker!
By Lizard Sour-Fruit
1. If your man is over thirty and still wears a nametag to work… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
2. If your man collects action figures… That’s a dealbreaker! That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
3. If your man practices Jedi moves in the park… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
4. If your man drives you home after a date on the handlebars of his bike... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
5. If your man has to sneak you inside his house to avoid his mother... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
6. If your man owns a mint-condition Hellboy figurine... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
7. If your man has seven cell phones, but won't give you any of their numbers... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
8. If your man owns a diamond necklace that says, "open marriage..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
9. Your man leaves in boxers and comes home in briefs... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
10. Your man asks you to pay for chicken wings... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
11. Your man appears on "To Catch a Predator" on Dateline... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
12. Your man wears a cape... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
13. Your man disappears and then shows up after seven months of no contact... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
14. Your man slept with your best friend... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
15. Your man gets a face tattoo... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
16. Your man's entourage makes his speed dial and you don't... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
17. Your man wears a football jersey to your sister's wedding... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
18. Your man hits on your sister at her wedding... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
19. Your man calls porno movies "art..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
20. Your man refuses to throw away his TV Guide collection... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
21. Your man calls going to strip clubs part of male bonding... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
22. Your man goes by the nickname, "The Beeper King..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
23. Your man has dated your mother in the past... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
24. Your man has appeared on "Maury" to take a paternity test... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
25. Your man calls potato chips a vegetable... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
26. Your man's favorite item of clothing is a leather tank top... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
27. Your man's favorite movie is "Showgirls..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
28. Your man's song for you is "Baby's Got Back" by Sir-Mix-A-Lot... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
29. Your man calls out your brother's name during sex... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
30. Your man leaves the restaurant with the waitress' phone number... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
31. Your man wants to plan your honeymoon around Comic-Con... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
32. Your man buys more jewelry for his dog than for you... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
33. Your man calls beer a "morning beverage..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
34. Your man has more hair on his back than on his head... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
35. Your man is still legally married in Mexico... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
36. Your man thinks of Monday as his "shower day..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
37. Your man voted more for "American Idol" than any other past elections... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
38. Your man owns more hair products than you... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
39. Your man is really a newly discovered distant cousin... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
40. Your man is really a crazed serial killer… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
41. Your man falls in love with a sandwich… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
42. Your man wears tights in public… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
43. Your man hits on women twice his age… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
44. Your man wears feathers and isn’t in costume… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
45. Your man talks to himself in the street… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
46. Your man loses his pants while walking in public… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
47. Your man disappears into the jungle for months at a time… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
48. Your man has to be told to wear pants at work… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
49. Your man was a villain in a superhero movie… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
50. Your man is an evil wizard overlord… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
By Lizard Sour-Fruit
1. If your man is over thirty and still wears a nametag to work… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
2. If your man collects action figures… That’s a dealbreaker! That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
3. If your man practices Jedi moves in the park… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
4. If your man drives you home after a date on the handlebars of his bike... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
5. If your man has to sneak you inside his house to avoid his mother... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
6. If your man owns a mint-condition Hellboy figurine... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
7. If your man has seven cell phones, but won't give you any of their numbers... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
8. If your man owns a diamond necklace that says, "open marriage..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
9. Your man leaves in boxers and comes home in briefs... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
10. Your man asks you to pay for chicken wings... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
11. Your man appears on "To Catch a Predator" on Dateline... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
12. Your man wears a cape... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
13. Your man disappears and then shows up after seven months of no contact... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
14. Your man slept with your best friend... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
15. Your man gets a face tattoo... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
16. Your man's entourage makes his speed dial and you don't... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
17. Your man wears a football jersey to your sister's wedding... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
18. Your man hits on your sister at her wedding... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
19. Your man calls porno movies "art..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
20. Your man refuses to throw away his TV Guide collection... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
21. Your man calls going to strip clubs part of male bonding... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
22. Your man goes by the nickname, "The Beeper King..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
23. Your man has dated your mother in the past... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
24. Your man has appeared on "Maury" to take a paternity test... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
25. Your man calls potato chips a vegetable... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
26. Your man's favorite item of clothing is a leather tank top... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
27. Your man's favorite movie is "Showgirls..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
28. Your man's song for you is "Baby's Got Back" by Sir-Mix-A-Lot... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
29. Your man calls out your brother's name during sex... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
30. Your man leaves the restaurant with the waitress' phone number... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
31. Your man wants to plan your honeymoon around Comic-Con... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
32. Your man buys more jewelry for his dog than for you... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
33. Your man calls beer a "morning beverage..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
34. Your man has more hair on his back than on his head... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
35. Your man is still legally married in Mexico... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
36. Your man thinks of Monday as his "shower day..." That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
37. Your man voted more for "American Idol" than any other past elections... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
38. Your man owns more hair products than you... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
39. Your man is really a newly discovered distant cousin... That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
40. Your man is really a crazed serial killer… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
41. Your man falls in love with a sandwich… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
42. Your man wears tights in public… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
43. Your man hits on women twice his age… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
44. Your man wears feathers and isn’t in costume… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
45. Your man talks to himself in the street… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
46. Your man loses his pants while walking in public… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
47. Your man disappears into the jungle for months at a time… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
48. Your man has to be told to wear pants at work… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
49. Your man was a villain in a superhero movie… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
50. Your man is an evil wizard overlord… That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!