(no subject)

Jul 14, 2006 04:06

ya so i havent updated in a while and thought that i would just keep everyone who is so what interested in my pointless life wats new and going on well for starts caso has been liveing with me for the past three to four weeks tons of fun if you wish to say.havent gotten to spend alot of time with becca cause of certain reasons that i am not at liberty to dissguss tho you all my no wat i am talking about. and it is really effecting me alot more then i thought it would i mean i new that i would miss her alot but i never thought that it would hurt this much and be so hard for me to get over i mean i go in her room and i end up balling my eyes out i can only imagtion how much this is effecting her mom i dont think that i could live with out seeing my kid if i had one. i have lost so much sleep cuase i miss her and i usally got to talk to her every night but i have no idea were she is and i hope that i will get to see her real soon i miss her so fucking much.

well that is one thing that has been bothering me lately the other is well pam no that me and becca are going out and because of that when becca is able to come back home i will not be welcome in this house ne more becuase i am not the best thing for becca Quoteing her mom "i am the worst thing in her life besides her(meaning pam beccas mom)" and i have never wanted to run away as much as i do know i think that it would be best if i did and just didnt tell ne one i mean if i wanted to i could go now no ones around there all to involved in there video games and wat not and i want to sleep but i just cant there is to much shit going on in my head everytime i lay down i start to think and its getting to the bad thinking stage agian the one thing that i have to keep my mind clear is work becuase i have so much other things to worrie about. its like no matter were i go or wat i do i have stress and people wonder why im like the way i am i mean at work i always questoin weather or not wat i am doing is right and have to keep asking all these questoins that i have asked at leat a million times and today i got to get yelled at for my hair even tho you cant see it when you look at me if i am wearing a hat but fucking people are pricks and are out to get me( cat just threw up on the floor i think that i am going to kill it) and i mean i dont even like comeing home ne more cuase its like im the fucking parent of the house i bring in the most money and get nun of it for myself i am 18 i am sapposda be able to have money to have fun with but no not me god for fucking bid that i get to have fun. every morning its like the same thing wake up go to summer school cause im to stupid to of done it right the first time, then come home and clean wat ever mess pam jayson pat or who ever was over the night before then go to work and come home and cook for people how cant even fucking do ne thing for them self wat the fuck these are not the responsibilities of a 18 year old i have to give pam 100 dollars a week for rent not bad i no but she just told me that she is lowering the rent to 75 a week but she isnt doing the food shopping for me and pat so we have to do our own shopping but idont think that $25 is enough money a week for food. i just wish that i could find a happy place to go and clear my head but where can i go if i leave this house that it only get worse for the other people who live hear. god i hate my life hopefully it gets better real soon or it is going to get alot worse well for me at least
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