Act of Play - Well, We Built These Dreams of Sand 1/1
Series: Act of Play
Title: Well, We Built These Dreams of Sand
Word Count: 8633
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The title is being politely borrowed from Rise Against. This is, obviously, fake and did not happen. I am merely borrowing the names and faces of real life people and none of this is meant in any way to harm their reputation. This is a work of fiction and nothing contained within is thought to be real.
Warning: Contains various remarks to sensitive material. There are weight issues and mentions of sexual abuse, I do not go into the abuse just the after effects, but be warned. If this will trigger something or make you want to smother me in my sleep, you have been dutifully warned and I will hold it against you.
A/N: Written for Jellicle’s Ugly Duckling bunny. (Something that mutated out of control since it was only suppose to be one small story.)
Previous Parts: / Are We Feeling Awkward Yet? // Leave Me At the Roadside // The Rose That has been Burnt by Her Son // Where Love is Divided by Hate // The Approaching Curve // Too Close For Comfort, Too Close For Anything
Summary: He had figured it would be easy to slip past everything and everyone; figured that with all the weight loss, he didn’t look like the same person. Then why is everyone noticing him, remembering him? And what made Jared change?
Jensen froze as the front door opened. His hand froze on his bare stomach where he had been scratching and he nearly dropped the creamer in his other hand. Jared gave his boxer clad form a moment's glance but kept his mouth shut and didn't comment. "Just woke up?" Jared asked instead of commenting on the way Jensen's hipbones stuck out, pressing sharply against his skin.
"You have my missing keys, don't you?" He grunted almost civilly. He had been up for a few hours now, so he wasn't feeling particularly grumpy.
"Nope, you never lock your doors."
"Whatcha gonna do if I lock them one night? Sit on my porch until I let you in?"
"Nope," Jared replied with a wide grin, "I'd go and buy some coffee, then put it under your window 'till you let me in."
Snorting at that, Jensen began adding the creamer to his coffee, not completely sure if he had already added the sugar or not. "Want a cup?"
Suddenly, Jared's arms were wrapped around him, with Jared's body pressed flat up against his, a giant heater against his back. "Yes, yes I would."
Jensen merely grunted as he reached for another cup, leaning back into Jared a bit. "Why are you hugging me?"
"Because this is the first time you've offered me coffee. I feel special." Jared whispered into his ear, his large hands slipping to rest on Jensen's hip, feeling the shiver both actions caused.
"Mhm, happens when you're not wakin' me up."
"But I like waking you up; I just slept in today." Jared mumbled, pulling Jensen closer against him as he pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder. "I like kissin' you."
"Mhm, well, I'm drinkin' my coffee then gettin' dressed. You can drink your coffee and just think about kissing."
Jared let out a deep laugh, shaking both of them before turning Jensen around, nearly spilling the coffee on both of them. Jared's lips were as soft as the last time, gentle against his. He let out a soft laugh against Jared's lips, pulling away for a moment before returning the kiss, letting his free hand touch Jared's hair before pulling away completely. "Don't say anything or I'll decide there's no kissing again."
Jared's laughter followed him out of the kitchen, so he just smiled as he sipped at his coffee. He jerked away when he felt Jared's hand on his back, thought Jared had stayed in the kitchen instead of following him to watch him kick at the pile of dirty clothes.
"I'm glad to see you awake. Every time I came over this weekend, you were sleeping. I was getting worried."
"Sorry," Jensen mumbled, closing his eyes.
---
Jensen never really expected to see Tara again after Jared had dragged him to go see her band. Not because she wasn't nice or anything or because she had commented on his weight. Not even because she seemed to always be on a sugar high. Well, that might have been a small aspect of it, but, really, he just plain planned on avoiding her. Easiest thing, really. Best for everyone.
Until she went out of her way to find him, and Jared, of course, because everyone believed that Jared was attached to his hip. Which wasn't so much of a lie, but somehow, lately, Jensen was slowly starting to get at least a little time to himself when he wasn't at work or class.
Seriously, Jared was prime stalker material. Except, he wasn't minding it so much anymore; Jared kept the coffee coming which kept Jensen completely happy.
He had been avoiding Tara. He really, really had been. The visit to Jake hadn't gone so well so he figured, avoid the girlfriend as well. Figured at some point, she would figure out who he was and he didn't want to be around for the anger he was sure would come his way.
Apparently, he had been very wrong. She already knew and there was no anger or sobbing or questions of why.
All he had seen was a very hyper girl running their way. There was a brief image of her leaping at Jared and then she was talking. Not that he'd call what she was doing talking because Texan girls just weren't suppose to be able to talk that fast. She'd had the drawl when he met her in the bar where she played but it was completely absent now.
All he understood was 'Oh my God' and 'you have to come' and 'this is so awesome.'
Jared shot him a pleading look when she grabbed his wrist and started tugging at him, pulling him along, but Jensen had no plans to interrupt her. The hell if he was bringing her attention towards him. Jared was a grown man and could fend for his self.
Unfortunately, she wasn't going to ignore him or forget about him. As soon as she realized he wasn't following Jared and her, she turned back around and snatched his wrist as well. And began tugging him forward as if he were an ornery five-year old. To be honest, if she wanted Jared to follow her, all she had to do was dangle candy in front of him.
She only let go long enough to shove Jared into his car and order him to drive before she was pulling Jensen into the backseat and barking out direction. He figured maybe her band had gotten signed. It seemed like the kind of thing that would match up with him landing a starring role. Or maybe they were picked up to open for some major band.
Was about the only reason he would ever be as excited as she was.
"Stop!" She yelled and Jared reacted immediately, slamming on the breaks as if there was a small kid in the way. Or a small animal because Jared slowed down for birds and squirrels that were stupid enough to sit in the middle of the road. And stay in the middle of the road, no matter what was coming at them.
Jensen looked around, trying to figure out what the hell the deal was. It took him a few moments to notice the house. It was probably insane that it wasn't the first thing he noticed.
It had been a small, white house. Probably didn't attract any attention from anyone on a normal day. Except, today wasn't so normal because toilet paper was hanging from the trees, the car parked in the driveway had nice circles of paint missing everywhere and there was a jagged circle of burnt grass in the middle of the yard. The most eye catching part was the graffiti that covered the house.
"Isn't it awesome?" Tara asked, smiling as she climbed over Jensen's lap to get a better view.
"Whose place is this, Tara?" Jared asked, his voice was low, dark almost.
And Jensen could guess why as he read the words. Pervert. Sick.
Child molester.
His eyes trailed over to the circle of cops who weren't looking too sympathetic, onto the angry man whose hands were waving wildly, motion at the house and the car. He stopped breathing, wasn't even sure his heart was still beating because his chest was burning.
"That bastards," she hissed and her fingernails dug into his thigh where she was propping herself up at, "Steve."
The air that had been trapped in his lungs let itself out in a loud gasp when Steve's eyes fell on him. Maybe they did. It sure as hell seemed like he saw him. Wasn't paranoia when it was real. He didn't dare move, to wipe at his mouth as he tried to control his breathing, tried to force himself to take in the air. If Steve didn't see him, he wasn't going to move and bring his attention here.
"Who did this?" Jared asked; he hadn't turned to look back at Jensen but maybe he knew why, maybe he could see Steve staring him down. And it wasn't really right that he was nearly fine when Steve had come up to him in the bar, but he was freaking out when Steve was across the street and there was cops surrounding him, safely between the two.
"Don't got a clue, wish I knew so I could buy 'em a drink."
He saw Jared's head moving and assumed that he was nodding, an unconscious movement to acknowledge that he heard her, that he was listening. A moment passed then, "I know who it is; let's get outta here."
And thank God because Steve was actually pointing at them and the cops were looking as well. Obviously, Steve thought it was him, that he'd done it and come back to see his handy work.
Except, he was sure he would have burnt the house down instead of just the yard. Sure he would have caught the fragile wood on fire and just watched as the place burnt, turning to ash.
Steve couldn't tell the cops why he thought it was him without having to confess to what he had done to him. Right now, he only had Jake's name known and Jensen didn't know about the law, didn't have a clue about it, so he didn't know if Steve could still get locked up for it. But he knew he didn't want to deal with it.
The cops were looking away, maybe one of them had rolled their eyes, but he couldn't be sure. Didn't think they'd do anything about the destruction of Steve's house; they all knew what he was.
God, he hoped none of them actually thought Steve was cured because that was an insane concept. And if they did, they'd be knocking on his door, asking where he had been last night and he really couldn't tell them that he had been in his bed, avoiding the hospital. Well, he could but he didn't want to acknowledge that fact out loud because then he'd have to admit that he was scared or angry. And he hadn't figured out which one he was yet.
"You okay, Jensen?" He heard Tara ask and he just kind of nodded, trying to give her a soft smile. Anything to get her to stop looking at him like he was breaking.
He was fine. He just hadn't wanted to know where Steve lived. Really hadn't needed to know that he lived so close to the campus. That Steve was less than a mile away from where Jensen went every damn day.
"Tara, I'm gonna drop you off at your mom's, okay? That alright?" Jensen saw Jared's eyes looking at them through the rearview mirror, studying them. Studying him.
"Yeah, I ran to the campus to catch you." She said and her eyes were locked on him as well.
He turned to look at her, making sure to make eye contact. Jared stopped the car again too soon for Jensen; he didn't feel comfortable with her living so close to Steve, wasn't right even if Steve went after boys as far as he knew.
She was too much like Alex and he wouldn't like to see either of them change. "Jake told me to tell you sorry if I ever saw you around." Then she hugged him and climbed out of the car.
"Get in the front seat." Jared ordered.
Ordered him. Jensen couldn't help but snort at that and fight down the urge to salute him. And not instantly go 'Yes, master.' Jared didn't really need to hear that; he would have to explain how he use to tell that to Momma. And that would just be a confusing conversation with too big of a chance of Jared misunderstanding.
The moment he sat down, Jared's hand was on his knee. He just shot Jared a look instead of protesting it out loud. Lately, he'd been allowing Jared's small touches so he couldn't really say stop now. "Who did it?"
"We're going to see Brad." Jared grinned at him as Jensen's eyes widened.
"Jare-"
"Saw his tag. Every bridge in town has it."
"Jared. Brad hates me; I don't like him either. Don't want to see him, don't care if he did it or not. I still think he fucked up my car."
Which had cost him a hell of a lot to get painted over and pissed him off every time he looked at his car. Which just was wrong, he had loved his car and now he was glaring at it.
"He woulda signed it if he had."
"Or he knew you'd know so he didn't."
"Jen, that was the shittiest work I have ever seen. The more I think about it the more I know that it sure as hell wasn't Brad. He's the kinda guy who would have gotten kicks outta painting rainbows and fairies on your car. And a dick if he had time. He wouldn't have just written the word whore on your car. Dude, when a girl cheated on him, her car became an advertisement for kama sutra. And as soon as he saw her reaction he called a shop and paid for it to get repainted… after he got pictures."
He glared at Jared. Though, he was pretty sure he wouldn't have liked rainbows and fairies either. Wait… "Did he do that to you?"
There was the pout; Jensen beamed, because that would have been hilarious to see. "He broke into my room. Dad called me princess for two months." His eyes darkened, "There were unicorns… with suspicious looking horns."
"And?" Jensen pressed, grinning. Jared shot him a look that he couldn't quite decipher and his hand tightened on Jensen's knees.
"There were dildos under my covers. I kept finding them hidden everywhere for six months. Mom found one in the cereal. Brad's an asshole; I hate him."
He was going to ask him if that meant they didn't have to go and pay him a visit, but Jared hadn't turned around and they were still heading away from both of their houses and the school. So, he pretty much figured nothing he said short of jumping out of the moving vehicle was going the stop it.
"Your parents know?"
"Yeah, have for a while. Figured it was better than them finding out second hand or hiding people from 'em. Dad figured at least I wasn't gonna have a kid before I was ready. And he's happy as long as he doesn't see me in a dress again. Said he drew the line at that. Swear to God they were hippies or somethin'."
He couldn't help but laugh at that because it figured Jared's family was weird.
"Your mom don't know?" Jared asked and there was his hand, moving up slightly. Probably wasn't the smartest conversation to have when Jared was touching him.
He shrugged at that, looking out the window instead of at Jared. "Haven't told her, so I guess not. Probably thinks I'm with Alex."
"And your dad?"
The laugh that escaped this time wasn't so much of a happy one and he really didn't care, maybe Jared would change the topic or they'd reach wherever Brad was living. "Left after they found out about Steve."
He was pleased when Jared pulled into a driveway of a run down house. Thought that would get the subject drop. When he turned to face Jared though, he was met with arms wrapping around him and lips pressed against his.
And, seriously, Jared was a good kisser. So, it was as good as changing the subject and he couldn't really find it in himself to care that he was basically leading Jared on now, letting him get away with more and more shit. Couldn't make his self worry that soon Jared would want a relationship and he would have to actually explain why that wouldn't work.
"Hey! Not where the neighbors can see! Dude, I already get enough hate mail from them. I don't need to hear them start going on about me corrupting their kids. Already had to explain to Mrs. Asswipe three times that her kids need to be more open minded anyhows."
Jensen jerked away from Jared, or as far as he could in a car with arms wrapped around him. Brad's eyes widened when he saw who Jared was kissing, surprisingly though, his shock quickly turned into a smile.
And how the hell, or why, did the guy have a kid in his arm? Dressed in a very pink dress that had two small blue hand prints on it.
"Jared, man, why can't you ever bring any chicks over here? Always guys. Was kind of expecting Tara to be with you."
"She's too young for you." Jared growled as he opened the door, slamming it into Brad's leg and making the little girl laugh.
"Yeah, I know. But I love fuckin' with ya."
"I hate you," Jared growled as he smiled at the little girl, snatching her from Brad when she held her hands out to him, "Yes, come to you nicest uncle ever. You look so pretty today, mean old Daddy hasn't let you play in the mud yet, huh? Dude, I'm fucking glad you moved outta those shitty ass apartments."
"Hey, no cussin' around her. I swear to God I heard her say shit yesterday and I don't want to be comforting her when people say she can't be around because she's goin' around call everyone asswipes." Jared laughed at this, sticking his tongue out at the girl, who was giggling like the world was ending, "There was too much fighting there, couldn't raise her around that."
Jensen watched this in some kind of shock. He was pretty sure he was in shock, at least. It was like watching twilight zone. Or The Outer Limits. Completely insane. Even though he should have guessed Jared would love kids… or that they'd love him.
It was just… Brad, with a kid. The guy who went around talking shit about Mary who graduated when Jensen was a freshman, her baby in her arms.
"Let's go inside. C'mon, get out of the car, Jenny. No one's going to bite ya. Well, Izzy might… she's been moody today."
Jensen was almost tempted to stay in the car. Almost. He was pretty sure Jared would drag him out if he did, though.
He was amazingly shocked to find Brad's place pretty much spotless. Maybe it was the kid or maybe Jensen was just a very messy person, because his apartment back in L.A. had little trails for walkways, paper and bottles and countless other things piling up until he couldn't stand it anymore. Which meant he couldn't find something that was very, very important or Alex threatened to burn everything. She had once so he started taking her warnings seriously after that. He never wanted to open his front door to find everything gone and Alex roasting Marshmallows over a portable grill on his balcony again.
"Brad, you shouldn't be doing shit like that. What would happen to her if you got your dumb ass in trouble?" Jared asked as he handed the little girl back to Brad, who began pacing almost immediately. "Yeah, well, you've known for a while now so why the hell did you do it last night?"
"I didn't know…"
"You gave Jensen shit the first time you saw him!"
"I thought it was just a fucking rumor!"
Jared turned away from Brad, and maybe he should try to calm the guy down because his fist were clenched and he was pretty sure the little girl didn't need to see Jared punching her daddy. It would be the proper thing to do. "Brad, Jake was-"
"Jare, man, I was high that whole year. I knew some one had fucked him up, but I didn't know who. Hell, I figured the pervert would still be locked up and sure as hell wouldn't be stupid enough to come back to this small ass town. I didn't know it was the coach; hell, I told him I knocked Alice up before I told my own fucking parents. And then he was gone and I was so high and fucked up then that I didn't put the shit together and it's not something I think about often." Brad sighed, rubbing his girl's back, "Look, I'm gonna put her down for her nap…"
"Noooo," the girl cried out almost instantly. Maybe it wasn't puppies Jared had been studying for his pouting, it had to be her.
"Cookies afterwards and I won't make you eat broccoli for a week." Figured Brad would bribe his kid. Hell, he'd probably bribe his own kids if he ever planned on having any. "Look, I'm going to lay her down and then I'll explain. Okay? You, calm Jared down."
Jensen just stood there and watched Brad walk away and into a side room. Wasn't like he could actually calm Jared down, didn't have a clue how to even start going about that. He'd never seen Jared this angry to know.
"Look," Brad began, closing the door behind him before looking at Jared, "Hey, I thought I said to calm him down. Dude, kiss him or something because he hits hard."
He pretty much looked at Brad like he was crazy; the hell if he was going to start it. He was perfectly happy with Jared starting it all. Made it much easier when he had to eventually explain to Jared that, no, wasn't going to start dating. And it wasn't like that would actually calm Jared down, it would distract him for a little bit but that was about it.
At least Jared turned around to face Brad, "Okay, Jared, un-tighten those fists. C'mon, shake it off."
"Do you go around hittin' a lot of people?" Jensen asked; Brad was right, the guy punched pretty damn hard.
"Only the ones he cares about," Brad mumbled, putting the couch between him and Jared. "Okay, listen. You know I'm not the smartest person. I'm really stupid. I do a lot of stupid shit. But, I gotta plan. I don't want shit like him in my town, you know. Got a little girl to raise and everything. I wanted to burn his place down, but I figured they couldn't turn the other way to that. A little vandalism, though? Yeah, pretty sure they don't give a flying shit that it was done to him. So, you know, I plan on chasing him out of town first. Terrorize him until he gives up and moves. And if he stays in the state, well, I figure I can chase him out of Texas for sure. I want my little girl to feel safe and I figure it's better for every parent here."
"Brad-"
"And look, Jensen. I'm sorry. I really thought it was just a rumor to explain why you were gone, ya know. I never would have said that shit. And I'm not apologizing for the gay shit but…"
Jared sighed when he was sure Brad wasn't going to start speaking again. Jensen was pretty much happy being silent. "You're going to have to back up, Brad. If you didn't know then how the hell do you know now?"
"You're not going to hit me? Right? Because last time Isabel kept poking at it and asking why I was wearing make-up. You try explaining to a little girl that her Daddy wasn't wearing make-up without telling her that her uncle did it."
"No, I'm not. If you don't explain, I'm going to make sure she bites you every time you go to sleep."
"Okay, okay. I… uh… was looking at porn…"
"Dude, seriously? Thought we broke that fucking addiction."
Obviously, Jared wasn't making the same connections as he was. His whole body was tense now because this was exactly what he feared. Something had tried to tell him to stay in the house today. Being thrown into a shower should have been a clue that he wasn't suppose to be outside.
"Yeah, well, I've been scarred for life so you don't need to hold another intervention. Okay, because unlike you, every bone in my body is as straight as can be."
"You were looking at gay porn?"
"No. I was not. I got redirected to gay porn."
"Uh-huh." Jared was smirking, which was proof enough for Jensen that he didn't really use his brain all that often. He should probably say something, something that would make Jared understand without Brad having to spell it out, but he couldn't think of what he could say.
"Look, I did. I wanted to see some more of this one chick and then, boom, fucking dicks so being a dumb ass, I hit the back button and tried another link because I really wanted to see more of her… and..."
He could see the moment Jared started to get it. The way the smirk dropped off of his face and his arms fell by his side, his body tensing up. Right now wasn't the time for him to be all high and mighty; Jared had been comforting him so the very lease he could do was to try and do the same, right?
Jensen wasn't really good at comforting people. He tried occasionally, when he had to, but he sucked at it. So, he placed his hand on Jared's lower back, like Alex would do when he would freak out. She was awesome at it, really. She could figure out all the right touches to calm someone down or steady them. And all he really knew how to do was hold her when some bastard would break her heart.
And right now, Jared wasn't at the holding stage. He felt Jared stiffen up and then relax slightly.
"I recognized Jake and Jensen pretty quickly… then I didn't think. Just gathered shit and left, had Tara come over to watch Isabel. Far as my thinking got was not burning his house down. Thought about calling you and letting you know but it was like four in the mornin' once I was thinkin' again and Tara and Isabel were sleeping and there sure as hell would've been yelling. So, I got drunk and figured Tara would let you know, her being Jake's and all."
"Show the site to me." Jared said, his fist clenched at his side, except, when Jensen rubbed at the spot on his back, he loosened one of them to grab Jensen's arm and pulled him closer. Jensen could give that to him.
"Jared I-"
"No, I know you bookmark your porn so it'll be easy to figure it out."
"That's not it, Jared. I don't think you should see it." Brad took a step closer to Jared but locked his eyes on Jensen, letting them both know he didn't think Jensen should either.
"Brad." Jared growled, his arm tightening painfully around Jensen. Jensen's mouth kept shut though; he wasn't going to complain. If it kept Jared from actually hitting someone or something, he was fine with it. "Show it to me so I can take care of it. Got it?"
Fuck, Jensen was pretty sure Jared hadn't even been this mad when they had fought, which was understandable, but he knew he wouldn't be able to hold Jared back if he decided to do something stupid. Even if Brad helped, he was pretty sure the anger would make sure none of them could control Jared.
"Yeah, yeah," Brad muttered, looking at Jensen for a moment longer before shaking his head.
Jensen had to see them though, had to know what other people could have seen. What Steve had done… what he had been proud enough to show the whole fucking world. Maybe Jared understood that because his arms were wrapped around Jensen and Jensen's were around his waist now. They probably looked like a couple to Brad but, right now, he didn't care.
Brad fell down at the computer and started clicking at shit. He was glad that he hadn't asked if they were sure, hadn't tried to stop them.
Idly, he wondered if Jared had still been looking like he said he would. He had stopped, going with ignoring the problem because he didn't get it. It might go with him not liking much of anything sexual, but he didn't understand how people enjoyed it. Probably was that.
Brad's porn was the kind that he really didn't get, the kind that almost dehumanized the person.
Maybe that was why he really wasn't getting it, because he had skipped over the decent looking ones. At least as decent as porn could be, the kind he'd looked at as a teenager before…
And, then, there it was, in front of his face on a cheap monitor. He saw himself and Jake and at least three other kids. All in a nice little row, labeled. He saw the first time Steve had blown him next to the first time he had given Steve a blow job. He saw when he had finally let Steve take him and then when he had given in, given up.
There wasn't many of Jake. At least not many options, just a few, and all of them had him held down. He remembered Jared telling him that Steve had fucked up with Jake, going after someone who had friends and a girl. Jensen and the three other victims had isolated themselves and been chosen for it.
"There are videos as well…" Brad mumbled as he moved to exit the page but Jensen jerked him away, feeling Jared try to hold him back, keep Jensen next to him.
He clicked on one of him though, randomly selected a video and saw a younger version of himself. When he had been fatter, naïve. Not as heavy as he had been before Steve, but when he had first stopped eating, when it had nothing to do with weight.
He remembered the room; it had always been in that room. He hated that room, had never figured out why they never went into Steve's bedroom until now. And he tried to remember what had been on the wall, where the camera had been hidden.
He remembered the scene, remembered the whole fucking ordeal. The first time he had actually been forced.
"Look, I'm done with this." That was him, his voice. He had told Steve he had something important to talk about before they went in there. At the time, he had kept his eyes off Steve, off the bed, made sure he didn't look at anything as he kept his hands in his pockets. "I can't do this no more."
Somewhere during the scene he had closed his eyes but he knew what was happening. He heard the thud and remembered the feel of the wall connecting with his back, Steve's hands clasping around his wrist. He had found bruises there the next day, after he had sobered up. "It ain't ever gonna be over. You know why? Because I can keep you here and no one will care, no one'll wonder where you went else they'da stopped this long ago."
"Fuck, Steve, let go. Let go or I'll tell the police."
Steve's face had been right there, right next to his. He had leaned down and kissed him hard, forcing his body against Jensen's even as he tried to wiggle free. "They'd never believe you. I take all their kids to the championships. They'd ask their kids and when they said, no, coach ain't done shit, they'll figure you're a liar."
"Hey, stop…" He could still remember the feel of Steve groping him.
"Now, you're gonna get on that bed and be the good boy I know you are. 'Cause this, this ain't over 'till I'm done with you."
He waited for the sound of his body being thrown onto the bed, the springs squeaking as Steve undid his pants. Those sounds had echoed through his head back then, louder than they ever should have been.
The sound didn't come and he opened his eyes to Jared pulling him in close. Instead of thinking about Steve or the fact that the computer was off, that it had probably been off for a while, hopefully had been off for a while, or the fact that Brad had left the room, he thought about the fact that Jared wasn't that much taller than him. Not enough to explain him calling him a giant. Except, he was still a giant and maybe it was because of the muscles, the way he could tower over people without even meaning too.
Probably could tower over people who were taller than him. It was Jared's presence or some shit like that. Had to be. Because if anyone stepped inside his head they'd be thinking Jared was some eight feet tall and Jensen barely reached five feet and not the realistic inches.
Brad could have stayed. Wasn't like he was going to breakdown over the video. He had done that the night of and spent the next three days sobering up and puking. He had let Momma think it was some stomach virus and not that he had tried to drink himself to death. He had gotten away with it too, and continued to do so until they caught him and he had been stupid enough to tell them. To let them know that he had been drinking for months and that Steve…
"Jensen?" Jared asked, his mouth resting right against his ear.
"'M fine; just need a drink." It was the only thing he could say; his mind was going a million different directions and none of them were anything Jared needed to hear. Nothing anyone needed to hear.
"Well, I'm the king of awesome, so I have beer for you." Brad said but his voice wasn't as happy as the words needed, just empty and angry.
Jensen turned his head to look at him and reached for one of the beers, noting the fact that Brad hadn't even waited to get back in the room before starting on his own. "I called Tara to watch Isabel. So, feel free to get completely wasted. I sure as hell am."
Jared nodded at him, squeezing Jensen before letting go with one arm to get the other beer. Jensen sure as hell hoped Brad had enough alcohol or else someone was driving him back to his house where he could get his whiskey and vodka and have a field day.
Jared kind of pushed him towards the couch and then pulled him half on it and half on Jared. He found it kind of odd that Brad was fine with Jared holding onto him, kissing his neck, when the guy hadn't seemed like the kind of person who was okay with it. Though, maybe seeing porn of Jensen taking it up the ass had desensitized him. Then again, he knew Jared wasn't straight and had no problems with that… aside from hijacking the guy's bedroom with rainbows and fairies.
Which was amusing and he needed to see pictures because it was ironic and funny since it obviously wasn't done in some crazy ass homophobic way.
It was also strange that he was sitting in Brad's living room drinking, but he really didn't feel like thinking on that. Needed to think of something that wouldn't lead back to Steve. And Brad and Jared weren't talking so he could try and get everyone's mind off of that. "Dude, how often do you have Tara over at night? Jared's gonna kick your ass and I'm going to laugh."
"What?" Brad asked, sitting up a bit straighter, looking pretty confused.
"You said you called her last night and then she was sleeping here." Jensen explained, smirking at Brad.
"Hey! Don't cause trouble! She's awesome and I pay her insane amounts to watch Isabel at nights or on short notice. Her mother thanked me."
Jared laughed at that, and Jensen felt it run through his body, he was probably too close to Jared at the moment, but he couldn't bring himself to move. Jared was surprisingly comfortable. Brad was smiling around his beer bottle; it took him a second to wipe the mischievous look from his eyes. "Her mother thanked you? For having her daughter sleep at your place? Bullshit."
"Not for that, moron. Having her watch Isabel. You know her mother had her when she was young so she's scared Tara'll do the same."
"Kinda justified fear. Don't think she knows what Jake and her got up to."
"Exactly, seriously, I'm gonna scare Isabel from it. But she figures, if Tara's taking care of a kid, she won't be stupid enough to get knocked up. Doesn't matter that Tara's only got eyes for Jake. I'm not gonna complain though, because she doesn't complain when Tara watches Isabel over night, either over here at her place."
Jensen could honestly get used to Jared's laugh, it was a nice one that started from his gut and moved up through his chest. "She don't know you is her problem; she's fallen for your good boy act."
"Hey, I ain't gonna mess with Tara. She's all for Jake and is a God send. Seriously, I'd give anything for Isabel but I'd go insane without Tara especially since my mother doesn't want anything to do with Izzy."
"Her lose, you know."
"Yep. Isabel's gonna grow up and be someone brilliant and be calling your mom grandma."
Jared probably didn't realize that his hand had fallen onto Jensen's hip, not when he was making sure everything else was innocent enough. Right now, Jensen wasn't comfortable with that no matter how it was so he grabbed Jared's hand and moved it up, let it rest on his waist instead.
Jared twisted his hand slightly and grasped Jensen's, letting his thumb rub at Jensen's wrist, and yeah, he was okay with that.
"Dude, as soon as Tara comes here I'm breaking out the Jack Daniels, because I ain't drunk enough if I think you two might be cute together."
"What? You want to think we're hot together?" Jared asked making Jensen laugh while trying not to choke on the beer in his mouth.
"Hell no, I want to not notice it, okay."
"Dude, I shattered his ego when I told him I was gay," Jared said into his ear, his hand rubbing at Jensen's stomach gently.
"No, you didn't. My ego is perfectly in tact and as big as it has ever been."
"Oh?" He turned his head to face Jared a bit more, smiling.
"Yeah, he threatened to kick my ass if he ever found out I had checked him out in the showers. I laughed at him and told him that he never had to worry about that, I'd never touch him. He pouted for weeks-"
"I did not."
"I had to tell him that he was hot but not my type to get him to stop sulking everywhere. He had mom making him pancakes every other morning because he looked so miserable. Which was awesome for the first week because her pancakes are the best, she pours the sugar in there, but then she started buying the microwave ones and I had to fix the issue quickly."
"Okay, yeah, you told me that and then you started dating guys who look like me and are almost as amazing as I am so my ego has been completely repaired."
"You had Tara go and try to hook me up with guys that looked like you."
"Yeah, well, you went on a second date with one of them. Anyway, gay men love me. I got two of them in my living room right now. Wishing I swung that way so that they could have a shot at this."
The laughter had him bending over this time. "Keep telling yourself that," Jared managed to get out between his own laughter.
"I will hold the alcohol hostage, Jared. Just like that time you brought that weird one over here."
"He wasn't weird."
"He was wearing girl pants! Tara had the exact same pair!"
"They're no tighter than your wranglers, Brad."
Brad beamed at that, "You like my cowboy pants."
"For a straight guy, you're trying hard to make me like your ass."
"Everyone likes my ass. Simple as that."
This was nice and comfortable, and so what, Brad wasn't as big of an asshole as he had thought he was. He'd thought Jared was an asshole too, but the fucktard was sweet in his stalker ways.
Of course, the comfort had to be ruined when they heard Tara go, "Uh, hey, guys?" and when they all turned to look there were two cops standing behind her, staring in at them.
'Thank God that they hadn't been talking about Brad's graffiti stint,' was the very first thought that ran through his head, followed closely by 'shit, haven't had enough to drink to deal with this.'
"So, uh, don't really have a clue how they knew you two were over here, but they want to talk to Jared and Jensen." She was biting her lips nervously, looking between the three of them.
"Okay," Brad said, and, honestly, the guy shouldn't look so confused and guilty if he didn't want to get caught. "How about you go see if Isabel's awake?"
Fuck, was one of those cops the one that their mother's had lied to so that they got let out of jail? Jensen was pretty sure the guy wasn't happy to see them again.
"Come in," Brad was glaring at them now. Seriously, he was right when he called himself stupid.
"Mrs. Padalecki said the two of you were probably over here after we told her about Mr. McAllister's house. Why would that be?"
"Because she knew we'd be celebrating?" Jensen suggested, sitting up and away from Jared as he placed his beer on the rather old looking coffee table. He could easily see the ring stains covering the poor wood.
"Celebrating?"
"Yeah, well, I'd buy the guy a drink if I knew who did it." He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants, not looking away from either of them. He was a good actor and he was an excellent liar. And if the other two kept quiet, there was a good chance he could get them out of this.
"Why would that be?"
"I think you know why." He raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms, "probably a whole helluva lot of people in this town celebrating it."
"Yes, well. We still need to check up on things; there was a lot of damage done to his property. He seems to think you were behind it, Mr. Ackles. Mind telling us where you were last night?"
He couldn't hold back the snort because, yeah, he knew why. He was going to say something when Tara spoke even though she was suppose to be staying in the room with Isabel. "Yeah, he does." Brad had nothing on her glare, not a damn thing. "Him and Jared were over at his place. His mother is in the hospital. Before you ask, Brad was here all night with me and Isabel. He was freaking out because she was throwin' up and I was trying to calm him down and get her to take her medicine all night."
"There's no reason for you to be rude, Miss." The other officer said, a very mean looking female.
"After what he did to Jake? Yeah, there is. He deserves whatever he gets."
"He has the right not to have his property destroyed."
Tara opened her mouth to reply with some smartass comment but, thankfully, Brad stepped in, "Tara, go sit with Isabel before she comes out here and gets scared." She glared at the officers for a moment longer before turning on her heals and nearly stomping back there.
"You still haven't explained why he is convinced it was the two of you." The female cop said snidely, glaring at them. And really, that was all they needed, Tara to piss off a cop.
"Meredith," The other one said in warning, but it was too late because Jared was already standing.
"He raped my brother, officer." Jared barked, "Officer Rockwell knows this, he arrested the bastard. So, yeah, he'd assume it was me. I paid my fines and did the community service for trashing his car way back then, I didn't to this." Jensen had no idea that Jared had done that, made sense though, at least with the anger he was seeing now. Not with the laid-back Jared he had grown use to. "And there's something you need to see before you start attacking Jensen."
His heart stopped for a second and even though he knew, logically, that other people would have to see it, would have to know just to get it taken down at the least, he still protested the idea, "Jared, I don-"
"Jensen, they've got to know. Was gonna have to go down there tomorrow anyways."
He jerked away from Jared's touch this time, rubbing at his mouth and chin as he shook his head.
He knew it had to be this way but that didn't make it any easier to accept.
"Yeah. Whatever." He bit out, snatching his beer back up and taking a long swig out of it, "make 'em think I did it more."
"Jensen, that's not what I'm doing."
"Yeah, it's not. But the hell if they'll see it that way." He was shaking now. Hell, he thought he'd have a little bit of time to adjust to actually knowing people were watching him instead of just suspecting it.
The wall supported him when he leaned back, chewing on his bottom lip. "Jensen, Officer Rockwell was the one Jake went to…" Jared was almost pleading with him, begging him to understand. And he did, he just… didn't. Because right now logic wasn't mixing with what wanted.
And, really, how could Jared expect him to be okay with people seeing him be fucked?
"I know. Whatever. Do what you have to." He stopped himself from adding that he didn't really care anymore. Because he did, he just wished he didn't.
"Okay, look. I like porn, but I didn't try to find the shit, and you can take my whole computer if you want but that shit needs to be taken down." Brad was mumbling, motioning for the cops to follow him while giving Jared a look.
He had expected Jared to go in there with them, see whatever they dragged up. Expected Jared to stop coming over and stop forcing him to eat and stop touching him because the guy rarely kept his hands to himself. And that had been fine, had been nice and safe, because he did the same thing with Momma and Alex. Maybe not so high up on the knee, but touches to their arms or shoulders. And he expected Jared to go in there and see it and then stop even though Jensen was getting use to it, starting to like it. Because knowing it happened and seeing it were completely different.
He hadn't expected Jared to stay out in the empty living room with him. "Jen."
"It's fine," he mumbled.
And then Jared's arms were around him and he was realizing that he fucked up. Because he liked it; he liked Jared hugging him and fucking being persistent and the hell if he would be able to tell the guy no if he ever asked. Then it would all be ruined, trashed, just like the other relationships he had tried.
Then Brad was rushing out of the room that housed his computer, into another room across the hall and Jensen heard him puking. And hell if he didn't know there were a lot of things that Steve could have up there that could have any sane person throwing up. Then Brad was there, in front of him, pale as a God damned ghost and shaking his head, "Fuck, Jensen… just," and he squeezed Jensen's shoulder, patting it then shaking his head some more. It had to be one worse than the one Jensen had randomly clicked on before. Or maybe Brad had left before any of it, after Jensen had closed his eyes.
Yeah, manly comfort was just as good as Jared's hugs some fucking how.
Next thing he knows, Brad's got his arms wrapped around Tara and Isabel, who is asking about the officers standing there, "There's a bad man, baby, and they're gonna get him, okay?"
Tara understood that Brad needed to hold his baby girl, keep her close so she just handed her over, patting the blond head as the small arms wrapped around her daddy's neck. "Lock up when you leave, Jared."
Then they were both out, Brad clenching onto Isabel as if he'd never let her go. Probably wouldn't for a while, God knew Jensen wouldn't have. Fuck, Momma had actually slept in his room when she had just found out, had just been told that Steve and him had done it… that Steve wasn't letting him go.
He just buried his face into Jared's neck when the male cop came up, Rockwell, Jared had called him. "Do you want to make a statement, son?"
"No," he shook his head, not bothering to raise his head, "If I had wanted to, I would have years ago."
He didn't look up to see if the guy nodded or shook his head or what. Didn't care to see the reaction. He hadn't cared what happened to Steve back then and he couldn't find it in himself to care now. He had never wanted to cops involved in this, never wanted anyone to know. The only reason they knew now was because he wanted the site down; he wanted the originals found and burnt and he wanted to forget everything.
He wanted to go back to L.A. where he could pretend it never fucking happened. When it only came up when someone touched him wrong and could just smile and shake his head and it would be gone again.
"Okay, if we have any questions or concerns, we can find you at your mother's, correct?"
"Yeah," he mumbled, and tried to figure the odds of him actually opening the door if they came.
He was pretty sure the only way the door would be answered was if Momma or Jared were there. He sure as hell wasn't. He was going to build up his delusions again, go back to denying it and the hell if he was going to let some cop ruin those plans.
"You okay?" Jared asked into his ear, a soft whisper that hopefully no one could overhear. It was meant for him, they didn't need to hear it.
He nodded before speaking up, lips moving against Jared's neck, and he felt the shivers it caused, "Just take me to my car so I can go home."
The laugh that followed that from Jared was a dark one, not the one he wanted to hear, "the hell if you're driving right now."
When he finally laid down in his own bed, Jared was there beside him and he turned into to it, pressing his face against Jared's chest and throwing his arms over him. For a moment he stayed like that, waiting as the surprise drained out of Jared's body and then he threw a leg over Jared's and got comfortable, not commenting on the gasp from Jared. He was already fucked, there was no use denying it.
Might as well enjoy it while it lasted now.
---
TBC
-8633
Previous
A/N:
I can honestly say I have had way too many issues with this part. I had the majority of this written just a couple of days after I posted the last part. Score for all-nighters. But then, I was scared that it was too much and have sat on it trying to figure out what to do with his. If I was going to post this part or if I was going to write a more up-beat, happy part and post this after that. I ended up giving up because I seriously could not make up my mind. So, if you feel this is too much at one time after the last part, I'm sorry.
Okay, seriously, no more Angst after this. I swear it. Hell, I don’t know about you guys, but I can't take much more. We're gonna work on weight, and relationships and happiness. Because, hey, Graffiti-sizing Steve's house and Brad's character had me and my sister dying in the car from laughter as I discussed it, transferring it into the story… not so funny.
Hopefully, it felt like a whirlwind of events happening in the middle. I really wanted to capture the fact that everything is spinning out of control for Jensen. I wanted to highlight the fact that everything is crashing down on him at the moment and his usual coping mechanisms aren't up for the stress. (Because, seriously, the fool has horrible coping mechanisms. -_-)
I have no freaking clue if baloney actually peals paint from cars; I was a nice decent child and never tried. (In truth as I scared shitless of being caught) But people say it does so *shrugs* If it doesn't I'm just feeding the rumor, if it does… awesome.
I also, apparently, can't have any flat characters. I like everyone to be well rounded except for the evil ones. -_- Seriously, I had no plans of ever doing anything with Brad's character. I wanted him in the background, a backdrop to prejudice people. But can I have that, noooo, because I needed his character for something else.
Jensen has relationship problems =X
Thank you all for your lovely reviews!
Title: Well, We Built These Dreams of Sand
Word Count: 8633
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The title is being politely borrowed from Rise Against. This is, obviously, fake and did not happen. I am merely borrowing the names and faces of real life people and none of this is meant in any way to harm their reputation. This is a work of fiction and nothing contained within is thought to be real.
Warning: Contains various remarks to sensitive material. There are weight issues and mentions of sexual abuse, I do not go into the abuse just the after effects, but be warned. If this will trigger something or make you want to smother me in my sleep, you have been dutifully warned and I will hold it against you.
A/N: Written for Jellicle’s Ugly Duckling bunny. (Something that mutated out of control since it was only suppose to be one small story.)
Previous Parts: / Are We Feeling Awkward Yet? // Leave Me At the Roadside // The Rose That has been Burnt by Her Son // Where Love is Divided by Hate // The Approaching Curve // Too Close For Comfort, Too Close For Anything
Summary: He had figured it would be easy to slip past everything and everyone; figured that with all the weight loss, he didn’t look like the same person. Then why is everyone noticing him, remembering him? And what made Jared change?
Jensen froze as the front door opened. His hand froze on his bare stomach where he had been scratching and he nearly dropped the creamer in his other hand. Jared gave his boxer clad form a moment's glance but kept his mouth shut and didn't comment. "Just woke up?" Jared asked instead of commenting on the way Jensen's hipbones stuck out, pressing sharply against his skin.
"You have my missing keys, don't you?" He grunted almost civilly. He had been up for a few hours now, so he wasn't feeling particularly grumpy.
"Nope, you never lock your doors."
"Whatcha gonna do if I lock them one night? Sit on my porch until I let you in?"
"Nope," Jared replied with a wide grin, "I'd go and buy some coffee, then put it under your window 'till you let me in."
Snorting at that, Jensen began adding the creamer to his coffee, not completely sure if he had already added the sugar or not. "Want a cup?"
Suddenly, Jared's arms were wrapped around him, with Jared's body pressed flat up against his, a giant heater against his back. "Yes, yes I would."
Jensen merely grunted as he reached for another cup, leaning back into Jared a bit. "Why are you hugging me?"
"Because this is the first time you've offered me coffee. I feel special." Jared whispered into his ear, his large hands slipping to rest on Jensen's hip, feeling the shiver both actions caused.
"Mhm, happens when you're not wakin' me up."
"But I like waking you up; I just slept in today." Jared mumbled, pulling Jensen closer against him as he pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder. "I like kissin' you."
"Mhm, well, I'm drinkin' my coffee then gettin' dressed. You can drink your coffee and just think about kissing."
Jared let out a deep laugh, shaking both of them before turning Jensen around, nearly spilling the coffee on both of them. Jared's lips were as soft as the last time, gentle against his. He let out a soft laugh against Jared's lips, pulling away for a moment before returning the kiss, letting his free hand touch Jared's hair before pulling away completely. "Don't say anything or I'll decide there's no kissing again."
Jared's laughter followed him out of the kitchen, so he just smiled as he sipped at his coffee. He jerked away when he felt Jared's hand on his back, thought Jared had stayed in the kitchen instead of following him to watch him kick at the pile of dirty clothes.
"I'm glad to see you awake. Every time I came over this weekend, you were sleeping. I was getting worried."
"Sorry," Jensen mumbled, closing his eyes.
---
Jensen never really expected to see Tara again after Jared had dragged him to go see her band. Not because she wasn't nice or anything or because she had commented on his weight. Not even because she seemed to always be on a sugar high. Well, that might have been a small aspect of it, but, really, he just plain planned on avoiding her. Easiest thing, really. Best for everyone.
Until she went out of her way to find him, and Jared, of course, because everyone believed that Jared was attached to his hip. Which wasn't so much of a lie, but somehow, lately, Jensen was slowly starting to get at least a little time to himself when he wasn't at work or class.
Seriously, Jared was prime stalker material. Except, he wasn't minding it so much anymore; Jared kept the coffee coming which kept Jensen completely happy.
He had been avoiding Tara. He really, really had been. The visit to Jake hadn't gone so well so he figured, avoid the girlfriend as well. Figured at some point, she would figure out who he was and he didn't want to be around for the anger he was sure would come his way.
Apparently, he had been very wrong. She already knew and there was no anger or sobbing or questions of why.
All he had seen was a very hyper girl running their way. There was a brief image of her leaping at Jared and then she was talking. Not that he'd call what she was doing talking because Texan girls just weren't suppose to be able to talk that fast. She'd had the drawl when he met her in the bar where she played but it was completely absent now.
All he understood was 'Oh my God' and 'you have to come' and 'this is so awesome.'
Jared shot him a pleading look when she grabbed his wrist and started tugging at him, pulling him along, but Jensen had no plans to interrupt her. The hell if he was bringing her attention towards him. Jared was a grown man and could fend for his self.
Unfortunately, she wasn't going to ignore him or forget about him. As soon as she realized he wasn't following Jared and her, she turned back around and snatched his wrist as well. And began tugging him forward as if he were an ornery five-year old. To be honest, if she wanted Jared to follow her, all she had to do was dangle candy in front of him.
She only let go long enough to shove Jared into his car and order him to drive before she was pulling Jensen into the backseat and barking out direction. He figured maybe her band had gotten signed. It seemed like the kind of thing that would match up with him landing a starring role. Or maybe they were picked up to open for some major band.
Was about the only reason he would ever be as excited as she was.
"Stop!" She yelled and Jared reacted immediately, slamming on the breaks as if there was a small kid in the way. Or a small animal because Jared slowed down for birds and squirrels that were stupid enough to sit in the middle of the road. And stay in the middle of the road, no matter what was coming at them.
Jensen looked around, trying to figure out what the hell the deal was. It took him a few moments to notice the house. It was probably insane that it wasn't the first thing he noticed.
It had been a small, white house. Probably didn't attract any attention from anyone on a normal day. Except, today wasn't so normal because toilet paper was hanging from the trees, the car parked in the driveway had nice circles of paint missing everywhere and there was a jagged circle of burnt grass in the middle of the yard. The most eye catching part was the graffiti that covered the house.
"Isn't it awesome?" Tara asked, smiling as she climbed over Jensen's lap to get a better view.
"Whose place is this, Tara?" Jared asked, his voice was low, dark almost.
And Jensen could guess why as he read the words. Pervert. Sick.
Child molester.
His eyes trailed over to the circle of cops who weren't looking too sympathetic, onto the angry man whose hands were waving wildly, motion at the house and the car. He stopped breathing, wasn't even sure his heart was still beating because his chest was burning.
"That bastards," she hissed and her fingernails dug into his thigh where she was propping herself up at, "Steve."
The air that had been trapped in his lungs let itself out in a loud gasp when Steve's eyes fell on him. Maybe they did. It sure as hell seemed like he saw him. Wasn't paranoia when it was real. He didn't dare move, to wipe at his mouth as he tried to control his breathing, tried to force himself to take in the air. If Steve didn't see him, he wasn't going to move and bring his attention here.
"Who did this?" Jared asked; he hadn't turned to look back at Jensen but maybe he knew why, maybe he could see Steve staring him down. And it wasn't really right that he was nearly fine when Steve had come up to him in the bar, but he was freaking out when Steve was across the street and there was cops surrounding him, safely between the two.
"Don't got a clue, wish I knew so I could buy 'em a drink."
He saw Jared's head moving and assumed that he was nodding, an unconscious movement to acknowledge that he heard her, that he was listening. A moment passed then, "I know who it is; let's get outta here."
And thank God because Steve was actually pointing at them and the cops were looking as well. Obviously, Steve thought it was him, that he'd done it and come back to see his handy work.
Except, he was sure he would have burnt the house down instead of just the yard. Sure he would have caught the fragile wood on fire and just watched as the place burnt, turning to ash.
Steve couldn't tell the cops why he thought it was him without having to confess to what he had done to him. Right now, he only had Jake's name known and Jensen didn't know about the law, didn't have a clue about it, so he didn't know if Steve could still get locked up for it. But he knew he didn't want to deal with it.
The cops were looking away, maybe one of them had rolled their eyes, but he couldn't be sure. Didn't think they'd do anything about the destruction of Steve's house; they all knew what he was.
God, he hoped none of them actually thought Steve was cured because that was an insane concept. And if they did, they'd be knocking on his door, asking where he had been last night and he really couldn't tell them that he had been in his bed, avoiding the hospital. Well, he could but he didn't want to acknowledge that fact out loud because then he'd have to admit that he was scared or angry. And he hadn't figured out which one he was yet.
"You okay, Jensen?" He heard Tara ask and he just kind of nodded, trying to give her a soft smile. Anything to get her to stop looking at him like he was breaking.
He was fine. He just hadn't wanted to know where Steve lived. Really hadn't needed to know that he lived so close to the campus. That Steve was less than a mile away from where Jensen went every damn day.
"Tara, I'm gonna drop you off at your mom's, okay? That alright?" Jensen saw Jared's eyes looking at them through the rearview mirror, studying them. Studying him.
"Yeah, I ran to the campus to catch you." She said and her eyes were locked on him as well.
He turned to look at her, making sure to make eye contact. Jared stopped the car again too soon for Jensen; he didn't feel comfortable with her living so close to Steve, wasn't right even if Steve went after boys as far as he knew.
She was too much like Alex and he wouldn't like to see either of them change. "Jake told me to tell you sorry if I ever saw you around." Then she hugged him and climbed out of the car.
"Get in the front seat." Jared ordered.
Ordered him. Jensen couldn't help but snort at that and fight down the urge to salute him. And not instantly go 'Yes, master.' Jared didn't really need to hear that; he would have to explain how he use to tell that to Momma. And that would just be a confusing conversation with too big of a chance of Jared misunderstanding.
The moment he sat down, Jared's hand was on his knee. He just shot Jared a look instead of protesting it out loud. Lately, he'd been allowing Jared's small touches so he couldn't really say stop now. "Who did it?"
"We're going to see Brad." Jared grinned at him as Jensen's eyes widened.
"Jare-"
"Saw his tag. Every bridge in town has it."
"Jared. Brad hates me; I don't like him either. Don't want to see him, don't care if he did it or not. I still think he fucked up my car."
Which had cost him a hell of a lot to get painted over and pissed him off every time he looked at his car. Which just was wrong, he had loved his car and now he was glaring at it.
"He woulda signed it if he had."
"Or he knew you'd know so he didn't."
"Jen, that was the shittiest work I have ever seen. The more I think about it the more I know that it sure as hell wasn't Brad. He's the kinda guy who would have gotten kicks outta painting rainbows and fairies on your car. And a dick if he had time. He wouldn't have just written the word whore on your car. Dude, when a girl cheated on him, her car became an advertisement for kama sutra. And as soon as he saw her reaction he called a shop and paid for it to get repainted… after he got pictures."
He glared at Jared. Though, he was pretty sure he wouldn't have liked rainbows and fairies either. Wait… "Did he do that to you?"
There was the pout; Jensen beamed, because that would have been hilarious to see. "He broke into my room. Dad called me princess for two months." His eyes darkened, "There were unicorns… with suspicious looking horns."
"And?" Jensen pressed, grinning. Jared shot him a look that he couldn't quite decipher and his hand tightened on Jensen's knees.
"There were dildos under my covers. I kept finding them hidden everywhere for six months. Mom found one in the cereal. Brad's an asshole; I hate him."
He was going to ask him if that meant they didn't have to go and pay him a visit, but Jared hadn't turned around and they were still heading away from both of their houses and the school. So, he pretty much figured nothing he said short of jumping out of the moving vehicle was going the stop it.
"Your parents know?"
"Yeah, have for a while. Figured it was better than them finding out second hand or hiding people from 'em. Dad figured at least I wasn't gonna have a kid before I was ready. And he's happy as long as he doesn't see me in a dress again. Said he drew the line at that. Swear to God they were hippies or somethin'."
He couldn't help but laugh at that because it figured Jared's family was weird.
"Your mom don't know?" Jared asked and there was his hand, moving up slightly. Probably wasn't the smartest conversation to have when Jared was touching him.
He shrugged at that, looking out the window instead of at Jared. "Haven't told her, so I guess not. Probably thinks I'm with Alex."
"And your dad?"
The laugh that escaped this time wasn't so much of a happy one and he really didn't care, maybe Jared would change the topic or they'd reach wherever Brad was living. "Left after they found out about Steve."
He was pleased when Jared pulled into a driveway of a run down house. Thought that would get the subject drop. When he turned to face Jared though, he was met with arms wrapping around him and lips pressed against his.
And, seriously, Jared was a good kisser. So, it was as good as changing the subject and he couldn't really find it in himself to care that he was basically leading Jared on now, letting him get away with more and more shit. Couldn't make his self worry that soon Jared would want a relationship and he would have to actually explain why that wouldn't work.
"Hey! Not where the neighbors can see! Dude, I already get enough hate mail from them. I don't need to hear them start going on about me corrupting their kids. Already had to explain to Mrs. Asswipe three times that her kids need to be more open minded anyhows."
Jensen jerked away from Jared, or as far as he could in a car with arms wrapped around him. Brad's eyes widened when he saw who Jared was kissing, surprisingly though, his shock quickly turned into a smile.
And how the hell, or why, did the guy have a kid in his arm? Dressed in a very pink dress that had two small blue hand prints on it.
"Jared, man, why can't you ever bring any chicks over here? Always guys. Was kind of expecting Tara to be with you."
"She's too young for you." Jared growled as he opened the door, slamming it into Brad's leg and making the little girl laugh.
"Yeah, I know. But I love fuckin' with ya."
"I hate you," Jared growled as he smiled at the little girl, snatching her from Brad when she held her hands out to him, "Yes, come to you nicest uncle ever. You look so pretty today, mean old Daddy hasn't let you play in the mud yet, huh? Dude, I'm fucking glad you moved outta those shitty ass apartments."
"Hey, no cussin' around her. I swear to God I heard her say shit yesterday and I don't want to be comforting her when people say she can't be around because she's goin' around call everyone asswipes." Jared laughed at this, sticking his tongue out at the girl, who was giggling like the world was ending, "There was too much fighting there, couldn't raise her around that."
Jensen watched this in some kind of shock. He was pretty sure he was in shock, at least. It was like watching twilight zone. Or The Outer Limits. Completely insane. Even though he should have guessed Jared would love kids… or that they'd love him.
It was just… Brad, with a kid. The guy who went around talking shit about Mary who graduated when Jensen was a freshman, her baby in her arms.
"Let's go inside. C'mon, get out of the car, Jenny. No one's going to bite ya. Well, Izzy might… she's been moody today."
Jensen was almost tempted to stay in the car. Almost. He was pretty sure Jared would drag him out if he did, though.
He was amazingly shocked to find Brad's place pretty much spotless. Maybe it was the kid or maybe Jensen was just a very messy person, because his apartment back in L.A. had little trails for walkways, paper and bottles and countless other things piling up until he couldn't stand it anymore. Which meant he couldn't find something that was very, very important or Alex threatened to burn everything. She had once so he started taking her warnings seriously after that. He never wanted to open his front door to find everything gone and Alex roasting Marshmallows over a portable grill on his balcony again.
"Brad, you shouldn't be doing shit like that. What would happen to her if you got your dumb ass in trouble?" Jared asked as he handed the little girl back to Brad, who began pacing almost immediately. "Yeah, well, you've known for a while now so why the hell did you do it last night?"
"I didn't know…"
"You gave Jensen shit the first time you saw him!"
"I thought it was just a fucking rumor!"
Jared turned away from Brad, and maybe he should try to calm the guy down because his fist were clenched and he was pretty sure the little girl didn't need to see Jared punching her daddy. It would be the proper thing to do. "Brad, Jake was-"
"Jare, man, I was high that whole year. I knew some one had fucked him up, but I didn't know who. Hell, I figured the pervert would still be locked up and sure as hell wouldn't be stupid enough to come back to this small ass town. I didn't know it was the coach; hell, I told him I knocked Alice up before I told my own fucking parents. And then he was gone and I was so high and fucked up then that I didn't put the shit together and it's not something I think about often." Brad sighed, rubbing his girl's back, "Look, I'm gonna put her down for her nap…"
"Noooo," the girl cried out almost instantly. Maybe it wasn't puppies Jared had been studying for his pouting, it had to be her.
"Cookies afterwards and I won't make you eat broccoli for a week." Figured Brad would bribe his kid. Hell, he'd probably bribe his own kids if he ever planned on having any. "Look, I'm going to lay her down and then I'll explain. Okay? You, calm Jared down."
Jensen just stood there and watched Brad walk away and into a side room. Wasn't like he could actually calm Jared down, didn't have a clue how to even start going about that. He'd never seen Jared this angry to know.
"Look," Brad began, closing the door behind him before looking at Jared, "Hey, I thought I said to calm him down. Dude, kiss him or something because he hits hard."
He pretty much looked at Brad like he was crazy; the hell if he was going to start it. He was perfectly happy with Jared starting it all. Made it much easier when he had to eventually explain to Jared that, no, wasn't going to start dating. And it wasn't like that would actually calm Jared down, it would distract him for a little bit but that was about it.
At least Jared turned around to face Brad, "Okay, Jared, un-tighten those fists. C'mon, shake it off."
"Do you go around hittin' a lot of people?" Jensen asked; Brad was right, the guy punched pretty damn hard.
"Only the ones he cares about," Brad mumbled, putting the couch between him and Jared. "Okay, listen. You know I'm not the smartest person. I'm really stupid. I do a lot of stupid shit. But, I gotta plan. I don't want shit like him in my town, you know. Got a little girl to raise and everything. I wanted to burn his place down, but I figured they couldn't turn the other way to that. A little vandalism, though? Yeah, pretty sure they don't give a flying shit that it was done to him. So, you know, I plan on chasing him out of town first. Terrorize him until he gives up and moves. And if he stays in the state, well, I figure I can chase him out of Texas for sure. I want my little girl to feel safe and I figure it's better for every parent here."
"Brad-"
"And look, Jensen. I'm sorry. I really thought it was just a rumor to explain why you were gone, ya know. I never would have said that shit. And I'm not apologizing for the gay shit but…"
Jared sighed when he was sure Brad wasn't going to start speaking again. Jensen was pretty much happy being silent. "You're going to have to back up, Brad. If you didn't know then how the hell do you know now?"
"You're not going to hit me? Right? Because last time Isabel kept poking at it and asking why I was wearing make-up. You try explaining to a little girl that her Daddy wasn't wearing make-up without telling her that her uncle did it."
"No, I'm not. If you don't explain, I'm going to make sure she bites you every time you go to sleep."
"Okay, okay. I… uh… was looking at porn…"
"Dude, seriously? Thought we broke that fucking addiction."
Obviously, Jared wasn't making the same connections as he was. His whole body was tense now because this was exactly what he feared. Something had tried to tell him to stay in the house today. Being thrown into a shower should have been a clue that he wasn't suppose to be outside.
"Yeah, well, I've been scarred for life so you don't need to hold another intervention. Okay, because unlike you, every bone in my body is as straight as can be."
"You were looking at gay porn?"
"No. I was not. I got redirected to gay porn."
"Uh-huh." Jared was smirking, which was proof enough for Jensen that he didn't really use his brain all that often. He should probably say something, something that would make Jared understand without Brad having to spell it out, but he couldn't think of what he could say.
"Look, I did. I wanted to see some more of this one chick and then, boom, fucking dicks so being a dumb ass, I hit the back button and tried another link because I really wanted to see more of her… and..."
He could see the moment Jared started to get it. The way the smirk dropped off of his face and his arms fell by his side, his body tensing up. Right now wasn't the time for him to be all high and mighty; Jared had been comforting him so the very lease he could do was to try and do the same, right?
Jensen wasn't really good at comforting people. He tried occasionally, when he had to, but he sucked at it. So, he placed his hand on Jared's lower back, like Alex would do when he would freak out. She was awesome at it, really. She could figure out all the right touches to calm someone down or steady them. And all he really knew how to do was hold her when some bastard would break her heart.
And right now, Jared wasn't at the holding stage. He felt Jared stiffen up and then relax slightly.
"I recognized Jake and Jensen pretty quickly… then I didn't think. Just gathered shit and left, had Tara come over to watch Isabel. Far as my thinking got was not burning his house down. Thought about calling you and letting you know but it was like four in the mornin' once I was thinkin' again and Tara and Isabel were sleeping and there sure as hell would've been yelling. So, I got drunk and figured Tara would let you know, her being Jake's and all."
"Show the site to me." Jared said, his fist clenched at his side, except, when Jensen rubbed at the spot on his back, he loosened one of them to grab Jensen's arm and pulled him closer. Jensen could give that to him.
"Jared I-"
"No, I know you bookmark your porn so it'll be easy to figure it out."
"That's not it, Jared. I don't think you should see it." Brad took a step closer to Jared but locked his eyes on Jensen, letting them both know he didn't think Jensen should either.
"Brad." Jared growled, his arm tightening painfully around Jensen. Jensen's mouth kept shut though; he wasn't going to complain. If it kept Jared from actually hitting someone or something, he was fine with it. "Show it to me so I can take care of it. Got it?"
Fuck, Jensen was pretty sure Jared hadn't even been this mad when they had fought, which was understandable, but he knew he wouldn't be able to hold Jared back if he decided to do something stupid. Even if Brad helped, he was pretty sure the anger would make sure none of them could control Jared.
"Yeah, yeah," Brad muttered, looking at Jensen for a moment longer before shaking his head.
Jensen had to see them though, had to know what other people could have seen. What Steve had done… what he had been proud enough to show the whole fucking world. Maybe Jared understood that because his arms were wrapped around Jensen and Jensen's were around his waist now. They probably looked like a couple to Brad but, right now, he didn't care.
Brad fell down at the computer and started clicking at shit. He was glad that he hadn't asked if they were sure, hadn't tried to stop them.
Idly, he wondered if Jared had still been looking like he said he would. He had stopped, going with ignoring the problem because he didn't get it. It might go with him not liking much of anything sexual, but he didn't understand how people enjoyed it. Probably was that.
Brad's porn was the kind that he really didn't get, the kind that almost dehumanized the person.
Maybe that was why he really wasn't getting it, because he had skipped over the decent looking ones. At least as decent as porn could be, the kind he'd looked at as a teenager before…
And, then, there it was, in front of his face on a cheap monitor. He saw himself and Jake and at least three other kids. All in a nice little row, labeled. He saw the first time Steve had blown him next to the first time he had given Steve a blow job. He saw when he had finally let Steve take him and then when he had given in, given up.
There wasn't many of Jake. At least not many options, just a few, and all of them had him held down. He remembered Jared telling him that Steve had fucked up with Jake, going after someone who had friends and a girl. Jensen and the three other victims had isolated themselves and been chosen for it.
"There are videos as well…" Brad mumbled as he moved to exit the page but Jensen jerked him away, feeling Jared try to hold him back, keep Jensen next to him.
He clicked on one of him though, randomly selected a video and saw a younger version of himself. When he had been fatter, naïve. Not as heavy as he had been before Steve, but when he had first stopped eating, when it had nothing to do with weight.
He remembered the room; it had always been in that room. He hated that room, had never figured out why they never went into Steve's bedroom until now. And he tried to remember what had been on the wall, where the camera had been hidden.
He remembered the scene, remembered the whole fucking ordeal. The first time he had actually been forced.
"Look, I'm done with this." That was him, his voice. He had told Steve he had something important to talk about before they went in there. At the time, he had kept his eyes off Steve, off the bed, made sure he didn't look at anything as he kept his hands in his pockets. "I can't do this no more."
Somewhere during the scene he had closed his eyes but he knew what was happening. He heard the thud and remembered the feel of the wall connecting with his back, Steve's hands clasping around his wrist. He had found bruises there the next day, after he had sobered up. "It ain't ever gonna be over. You know why? Because I can keep you here and no one will care, no one'll wonder where you went else they'da stopped this long ago."
"Fuck, Steve, let go. Let go or I'll tell the police."
Steve's face had been right there, right next to his. He had leaned down and kissed him hard, forcing his body against Jensen's even as he tried to wiggle free. "They'd never believe you. I take all their kids to the championships. They'd ask their kids and when they said, no, coach ain't done shit, they'll figure you're a liar."
"Hey, stop…" He could still remember the feel of Steve groping him.
"Now, you're gonna get on that bed and be the good boy I know you are. 'Cause this, this ain't over 'till I'm done with you."
He waited for the sound of his body being thrown onto the bed, the springs squeaking as Steve undid his pants. Those sounds had echoed through his head back then, louder than they ever should have been.
The sound didn't come and he opened his eyes to Jared pulling him in close. Instead of thinking about Steve or the fact that the computer was off, that it had probably been off for a while, hopefully had been off for a while, or the fact that Brad had left the room, he thought about the fact that Jared wasn't that much taller than him. Not enough to explain him calling him a giant. Except, he was still a giant and maybe it was because of the muscles, the way he could tower over people without even meaning too.
Probably could tower over people who were taller than him. It was Jared's presence or some shit like that. Had to be. Because if anyone stepped inside his head they'd be thinking Jared was some eight feet tall and Jensen barely reached five feet and not the realistic inches.
Brad could have stayed. Wasn't like he was going to breakdown over the video. He had done that the night of and spent the next three days sobering up and puking. He had let Momma think it was some stomach virus and not that he had tried to drink himself to death. He had gotten away with it too, and continued to do so until they caught him and he had been stupid enough to tell them. To let them know that he had been drinking for months and that Steve…
"Jensen?" Jared asked, his mouth resting right against his ear.
"'M fine; just need a drink." It was the only thing he could say; his mind was going a million different directions and none of them were anything Jared needed to hear. Nothing anyone needed to hear.
"Well, I'm the king of awesome, so I have beer for you." Brad said but his voice wasn't as happy as the words needed, just empty and angry.
Jensen turned his head to look at him and reached for one of the beers, noting the fact that Brad hadn't even waited to get back in the room before starting on his own. "I called Tara to watch Isabel. So, feel free to get completely wasted. I sure as hell am."
Jared nodded at him, squeezing Jensen before letting go with one arm to get the other beer. Jensen sure as hell hoped Brad had enough alcohol or else someone was driving him back to his house where he could get his whiskey and vodka and have a field day.
Jared kind of pushed him towards the couch and then pulled him half on it and half on Jared. He found it kind of odd that Brad was fine with Jared holding onto him, kissing his neck, when the guy hadn't seemed like the kind of person who was okay with it. Though, maybe seeing porn of Jensen taking it up the ass had desensitized him. Then again, he knew Jared wasn't straight and had no problems with that… aside from hijacking the guy's bedroom with rainbows and fairies.
Which was amusing and he needed to see pictures because it was ironic and funny since it obviously wasn't done in some crazy ass homophobic way.
It was also strange that he was sitting in Brad's living room drinking, but he really didn't feel like thinking on that. Needed to think of something that wouldn't lead back to Steve. And Brad and Jared weren't talking so he could try and get everyone's mind off of that. "Dude, how often do you have Tara over at night? Jared's gonna kick your ass and I'm going to laugh."
"What?" Brad asked, sitting up a bit straighter, looking pretty confused.
"You said you called her last night and then she was sleeping here." Jensen explained, smirking at Brad.
"Hey! Don't cause trouble! She's awesome and I pay her insane amounts to watch Isabel at nights or on short notice. Her mother thanked me."
Jared laughed at that, and Jensen felt it run through his body, he was probably too close to Jared at the moment, but he couldn't bring himself to move. Jared was surprisingly comfortable. Brad was smiling around his beer bottle; it took him a second to wipe the mischievous look from his eyes. "Her mother thanked you? For having her daughter sleep at your place? Bullshit."
"Not for that, moron. Having her watch Isabel. You know her mother had her when she was young so she's scared Tara'll do the same."
"Kinda justified fear. Don't think she knows what Jake and her got up to."
"Exactly, seriously, I'm gonna scare Isabel from it. But she figures, if Tara's taking care of a kid, she won't be stupid enough to get knocked up. Doesn't matter that Tara's only got eyes for Jake. I'm not gonna complain though, because she doesn't complain when Tara watches Isabel over night, either over here at her place."
Jensen could honestly get used to Jared's laugh, it was a nice one that started from his gut and moved up through his chest. "She don't know you is her problem; she's fallen for your good boy act."
"Hey, I ain't gonna mess with Tara. She's all for Jake and is a God send. Seriously, I'd give anything for Isabel but I'd go insane without Tara especially since my mother doesn't want anything to do with Izzy."
"Her lose, you know."
"Yep. Isabel's gonna grow up and be someone brilliant and be calling your mom grandma."
Jared probably didn't realize that his hand had fallen onto Jensen's hip, not when he was making sure everything else was innocent enough. Right now, Jensen wasn't comfortable with that no matter how it was so he grabbed Jared's hand and moved it up, let it rest on his waist instead.
Jared twisted his hand slightly and grasped Jensen's, letting his thumb rub at Jensen's wrist, and yeah, he was okay with that.
"Dude, as soon as Tara comes here I'm breaking out the Jack Daniels, because I ain't drunk enough if I think you two might be cute together."
"What? You want to think we're hot together?" Jared asked making Jensen laugh while trying not to choke on the beer in his mouth.
"Hell no, I want to not notice it, okay."
"Dude, I shattered his ego when I told him I was gay," Jared said into his ear, his hand rubbing at Jensen's stomach gently.
"No, you didn't. My ego is perfectly in tact and as big as it has ever been."
"Oh?" He turned his head to face Jared a bit more, smiling.
"Yeah, he threatened to kick my ass if he ever found out I had checked him out in the showers. I laughed at him and told him that he never had to worry about that, I'd never touch him. He pouted for weeks-"
"I did not."
"I had to tell him that he was hot but not my type to get him to stop sulking everywhere. He had mom making him pancakes every other morning because he looked so miserable. Which was awesome for the first week because her pancakes are the best, she pours the sugar in there, but then she started buying the microwave ones and I had to fix the issue quickly."
"Okay, yeah, you told me that and then you started dating guys who look like me and are almost as amazing as I am so my ego has been completely repaired."
"You had Tara go and try to hook me up with guys that looked like you."
"Yeah, well, you went on a second date with one of them. Anyway, gay men love me. I got two of them in my living room right now. Wishing I swung that way so that they could have a shot at this."
The laughter had him bending over this time. "Keep telling yourself that," Jared managed to get out between his own laughter.
"I will hold the alcohol hostage, Jared. Just like that time you brought that weird one over here."
"He wasn't weird."
"He was wearing girl pants! Tara had the exact same pair!"
"They're no tighter than your wranglers, Brad."
Brad beamed at that, "You like my cowboy pants."
"For a straight guy, you're trying hard to make me like your ass."
"Everyone likes my ass. Simple as that."
This was nice and comfortable, and so what, Brad wasn't as big of an asshole as he had thought he was. He'd thought Jared was an asshole too, but the fucktard was sweet in his stalker ways.
Of course, the comfort had to be ruined when they heard Tara go, "Uh, hey, guys?" and when they all turned to look there were two cops standing behind her, staring in at them.
'Thank God that they hadn't been talking about Brad's graffiti stint,' was the very first thought that ran through his head, followed closely by 'shit, haven't had enough to drink to deal with this.'
"So, uh, don't really have a clue how they knew you two were over here, but they want to talk to Jared and Jensen." She was biting her lips nervously, looking between the three of them.
"Okay," Brad said, and, honestly, the guy shouldn't look so confused and guilty if he didn't want to get caught. "How about you go see if Isabel's awake?"
Fuck, was one of those cops the one that their mother's had lied to so that they got let out of jail? Jensen was pretty sure the guy wasn't happy to see them again.
"Come in," Brad was glaring at them now. Seriously, he was right when he called himself stupid.
"Mrs. Padalecki said the two of you were probably over here after we told her about Mr. McAllister's house. Why would that be?"
"Because she knew we'd be celebrating?" Jensen suggested, sitting up and away from Jared as he placed his beer on the rather old looking coffee table. He could easily see the ring stains covering the poor wood.
"Celebrating?"
"Yeah, well, I'd buy the guy a drink if I knew who did it." He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants, not looking away from either of them. He was a good actor and he was an excellent liar. And if the other two kept quiet, there was a good chance he could get them out of this.
"Why would that be?"
"I think you know why." He raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms, "probably a whole helluva lot of people in this town celebrating it."
"Yes, well. We still need to check up on things; there was a lot of damage done to his property. He seems to think you were behind it, Mr. Ackles. Mind telling us where you were last night?"
He couldn't hold back the snort because, yeah, he knew why. He was going to say something when Tara spoke even though she was suppose to be staying in the room with Isabel. "Yeah, he does." Brad had nothing on her glare, not a damn thing. "Him and Jared were over at his place. His mother is in the hospital. Before you ask, Brad was here all night with me and Isabel. He was freaking out because she was throwin' up and I was trying to calm him down and get her to take her medicine all night."
"There's no reason for you to be rude, Miss." The other officer said, a very mean looking female.
"After what he did to Jake? Yeah, there is. He deserves whatever he gets."
"He has the right not to have his property destroyed."
Tara opened her mouth to reply with some smartass comment but, thankfully, Brad stepped in, "Tara, go sit with Isabel before she comes out here and gets scared." She glared at the officers for a moment longer before turning on her heals and nearly stomping back there.
"You still haven't explained why he is convinced it was the two of you." The female cop said snidely, glaring at them. And really, that was all they needed, Tara to piss off a cop.
"Meredith," The other one said in warning, but it was too late because Jared was already standing.
"He raped my brother, officer." Jared barked, "Officer Rockwell knows this, he arrested the bastard. So, yeah, he'd assume it was me. I paid my fines and did the community service for trashing his car way back then, I didn't to this." Jensen had no idea that Jared had done that, made sense though, at least with the anger he was seeing now. Not with the laid-back Jared he had grown use to. "And there's something you need to see before you start attacking Jensen."
His heart stopped for a second and even though he knew, logically, that other people would have to see it, would have to know just to get it taken down at the least, he still protested the idea, "Jared, I don-"
"Jensen, they've got to know. Was gonna have to go down there tomorrow anyways."
He jerked away from Jared's touch this time, rubbing at his mouth and chin as he shook his head.
He knew it had to be this way but that didn't make it any easier to accept.
"Yeah. Whatever." He bit out, snatching his beer back up and taking a long swig out of it, "make 'em think I did it more."
"Jensen, that's not what I'm doing."
"Yeah, it's not. But the hell if they'll see it that way." He was shaking now. Hell, he thought he'd have a little bit of time to adjust to actually knowing people were watching him instead of just suspecting it.
The wall supported him when he leaned back, chewing on his bottom lip. "Jensen, Officer Rockwell was the one Jake went to…" Jared was almost pleading with him, begging him to understand. And he did, he just… didn't. Because right now logic wasn't mixing with what wanted.
And, really, how could Jared expect him to be okay with people seeing him be fucked?
"I know. Whatever. Do what you have to." He stopped himself from adding that he didn't really care anymore. Because he did, he just wished he didn't.
"Okay, look. I like porn, but I didn't try to find the shit, and you can take my whole computer if you want but that shit needs to be taken down." Brad was mumbling, motioning for the cops to follow him while giving Jared a look.
He had expected Jared to go in there with them, see whatever they dragged up. Expected Jared to stop coming over and stop forcing him to eat and stop touching him because the guy rarely kept his hands to himself. And that had been fine, had been nice and safe, because he did the same thing with Momma and Alex. Maybe not so high up on the knee, but touches to their arms or shoulders. And he expected Jared to go in there and see it and then stop even though Jensen was getting use to it, starting to like it. Because knowing it happened and seeing it were completely different.
He hadn't expected Jared to stay out in the empty living room with him. "Jen."
"It's fine," he mumbled.
And then Jared's arms were around him and he was realizing that he fucked up. Because he liked it; he liked Jared hugging him and fucking being persistent and the hell if he would be able to tell the guy no if he ever asked. Then it would all be ruined, trashed, just like the other relationships he had tried.
Then Brad was rushing out of the room that housed his computer, into another room across the hall and Jensen heard him puking. And hell if he didn't know there were a lot of things that Steve could have up there that could have any sane person throwing up. Then Brad was there, in front of him, pale as a God damned ghost and shaking his head, "Fuck, Jensen… just," and he squeezed Jensen's shoulder, patting it then shaking his head some more. It had to be one worse than the one Jensen had randomly clicked on before. Or maybe Brad had left before any of it, after Jensen had closed his eyes.
Yeah, manly comfort was just as good as Jared's hugs some fucking how.
Next thing he knows, Brad's got his arms wrapped around Tara and Isabel, who is asking about the officers standing there, "There's a bad man, baby, and they're gonna get him, okay?"
Tara understood that Brad needed to hold his baby girl, keep her close so she just handed her over, patting the blond head as the small arms wrapped around her daddy's neck. "Lock up when you leave, Jared."
Then they were both out, Brad clenching onto Isabel as if he'd never let her go. Probably wouldn't for a while, God knew Jensen wouldn't have. Fuck, Momma had actually slept in his room when she had just found out, had just been told that Steve and him had done it… that Steve wasn't letting him go.
He just buried his face into Jared's neck when the male cop came up, Rockwell, Jared had called him. "Do you want to make a statement, son?"
"No," he shook his head, not bothering to raise his head, "If I had wanted to, I would have years ago."
He didn't look up to see if the guy nodded or shook his head or what. Didn't care to see the reaction. He hadn't cared what happened to Steve back then and he couldn't find it in himself to care now. He had never wanted to cops involved in this, never wanted anyone to know. The only reason they knew now was because he wanted the site down; he wanted the originals found and burnt and he wanted to forget everything.
He wanted to go back to L.A. where he could pretend it never fucking happened. When it only came up when someone touched him wrong and could just smile and shake his head and it would be gone again.
"Okay, if we have any questions or concerns, we can find you at your mother's, correct?"
"Yeah," he mumbled, and tried to figure the odds of him actually opening the door if they came.
He was pretty sure the only way the door would be answered was if Momma or Jared were there. He sure as hell wasn't. He was going to build up his delusions again, go back to denying it and the hell if he was going to let some cop ruin those plans.
"You okay?" Jared asked into his ear, a soft whisper that hopefully no one could overhear. It was meant for him, they didn't need to hear it.
He nodded before speaking up, lips moving against Jared's neck, and he felt the shivers it caused, "Just take me to my car so I can go home."
The laugh that followed that from Jared was a dark one, not the one he wanted to hear, "the hell if you're driving right now."
When he finally laid down in his own bed, Jared was there beside him and he turned into to it, pressing his face against Jared's chest and throwing his arms over him. For a moment he stayed like that, waiting as the surprise drained out of Jared's body and then he threw a leg over Jared's and got comfortable, not commenting on the gasp from Jared. He was already fucked, there was no use denying it.
Might as well enjoy it while it lasted now.
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TBC
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Previous
A/N:
I can honestly say I have had way too many issues with this part. I had the majority of this written just a couple of days after I posted the last part. Score for all-nighters. But then, I was scared that it was too much and have sat on it trying to figure out what to do with his. If I was going to post this part or if I was going to write a more up-beat, happy part and post this after that. I ended up giving up because I seriously could not make up my mind. So, if you feel this is too much at one time after the last part, I'm sorry.
Okay, seriously, no more Angst after this. I swear it. Hell, I don’t know about you guys, but I can't take much more. We're gonna work on weight, and relationships and happiness. Because, hey, Graffiti-sizing Steve's house and Brad's character had me and my sister dying in the car from laughter as I discussed it, transferring it into the story… not so funny.
Hopefully, it felt like a whirlwind of events happening in the middle. I really wanted to capture the fact that everything is spinning out of control for Jensen. I wanted to highlight the fact that everything is crashing down on him at the moment and his usual coping mechanisms aren't up for the stress. (Because, seriously, the fool has horrible coping mechanisms. -_-)
I have no freaking clue if baloney actually peals paint from cars; I was a nice decent child and never tried. (In truth as I scared shitless of being caught) But people say it does so *shrugs* If it doesn't I'm just feeding the rumor, if it does… awesome.
I also, apparently, can't have any flat characters. I like everyone to be well rounded except for the evil ones. -_- Seriously, I had no plans of ever doing anything with Brad's character. I wanted him in the background, a backdrop to prejudice people. But can I have that, noooo, because I needed his character for something else.
Jensen has relationship problems =X
Thank you all for your lovely reviews!