Are We Feeling Awkward Yet?
Series: Act of Play
Title: Are We Feeling Awkward Yet?
Chapter: Two
Word Count: 3894
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The title is being politely borrowed from The Dear and Departed. This is, obviously, fake and did not happen. I am merely borrowing the names and faces of real life people and none of this is meant in any way to harm their reputation. This is a work of fiction and nothing contained within is thought to be real.
Warning: Contains various remarks to sensitive material. The characters grew their own way and there are hints to events and/or diseases that I had not planned on; as of now, I have not planned to dig into these aspects but that does not mean that the character’s will force me to follow through.
A/N: Written for Jellicle’s Ugly Duckling bunny. (And it has now morphed out of control and I’m more than happy that it did... because it’s been way too long that I’ve been able to write anything of substantial length.)
Summary: He had figured it would be easy to slip past everything and everyone; figured that with all the weight loss, he didn’t look like the same person. Then why is everyone noticing him, remembering him? And what made Jared change?
One
Out of how many ever theater classes they have, it was just his luck to end up in the one with Jared... for three hours. Life loved him so much.
Not to mention that damn Brad. Who happened to still be an asshole. At least Jared was playing at being nice, pretending that he hadn’t made Jensen’s life hell through highschool. Brad, well he was the same prick from before and was continuing with his apparent life-long goal of torturing him. And if the ass called him Jenny one more time... he’d forget to hold back on the punch.
A deep sigh, then he was shoving the script back into his bag. “Jensen, learn those lines. And, remember, he’s not angry. He’s done, he doesn’t care.”
“Yes, sir.” He mumbled, rolling his eyes. Whatever the teacher wanted though, even though he was pretty sure the damn writer wanted the young man to be angry. You know, the whole thing with him throwing a punch, might bring people to think that.
“Hey, Jenny boy, you were great. Maybe we should get you that dress; the way you sway those hips... totally would look great in print.”
And, again, with the what the fucks. Seriously? What kind of shit was that? “Brad, why do you always got to be a prick?” and he was cursed to the pits of hell because that was Jared, all smiles and dimples.
What in the world had he done wrong to deserve such cruelty?
“Because I want to get rid of that damn floral dress you got me last year.”
“You could just throw it away.” Jared suggested, falling down beside Jensen, where he was trying to shove everything back into his bag as fast as he could. “Brad here, can’t throw anything away apparently. I think he just likes to remember having to wear it around school.”
“Oh,” Jensen mumbled, eyes locked on the floor. “That woulda been funny.”
“It was, it was.” Jared was laughing now, all big smiled and dimples, eyes all crinkled. “All the girls kept tellin’ him to shave his damn legs.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. Do you have to tell everyone you freakin’ meet that?”
“Do you have to fuck with everyone you meet?”
“Uhm,” he said, standing up, “I have to go; see you later.”
A small smile and a small wave and he’s moving, head ducked. Except, Brad was moving to catch up with him and he should have known that there would be no easy escape from them. They are like some kind of disease, always coming to rear their heads when you thought you’d gotten away unscathed. “Hey, Jenny, I’ve been meaning to ask you. How’d you shed all of that extra weight.” An arm was thrown around his shoulder, successfully halting his retreat. “I mean, hell, you use to be fucking huge. Like huge. And now you’re like a freaking stick compared to that.”
“Uh... just fixed my diet and got more exercise.” He mumbled, trying to shake the arm off.
“Oh, but didn’t Coach McAllister give you enough exercise? I heard he was giving it to you a couple times a day.”
“Fuck off.” He hissed, trying to keep the terror down, ignoring the way his heart slammed in his chest.
No one tried to stop him this time; there was just the fact that he wanted to punch that smirk off the bastard’s face.
“Why the hell did you say that?” Was the last thing he heard Jared bark before he was out of the door and rushing towards his car.
---
He was pretty sure there was nothing wrong with him wasting some hard saved money on a few drinks. Not when the hospital was still sending volunteers meaning his mother was being looked after.
Honestly, it wasn’t his best idea ever, to use the alcohol to deal with the anger and fear that seemed to be overwhelming him at the moment but sometimes, it was far past time to ignore all the rubbish his brain was spitting out at him.
All he really wanted was one beer, just enough to relax him a little and prepare him for tomorrow. Hell, for tonight, because he couldn’t go home where he just might not be able to ignore the urge to slam the door. His car had almost suffered, and the poor thing might have actually fallen apart had he slammed the doors.
The bar wasn’t too crowded, thankfully. It wasn’t completely empty either; there was just enough people where it held onto a comfortable atmosphere. He could hear laughter from a few people around the room, could watch some of the older customers, starting on their nightly ritual towards oblivion.
“Well, well, well. Who do we have here?”
If the voice hadn’t escaped right next to his ear, hot breathing licking at the hairs resting on the back of his neck, he wouldn’t have thought that was directed towards him. But as it was... he slipped the stool backwards a little as he turned his face to see whoever thought it was funny to breath down his...
No one could blame his brain for stopping. Not if they knew who exactly was standing there, no, leaning towards him, a sly grin on the wrinkled face. As it was, he really wished he didn’t know.
There was grey hair now where there use to be a youthful abundance of deep brown. The once chiseled chin was lined in a thick layer of fat and stubble that had obviously been growing for the past few days.
There was barely any signs of the man who had been... been what? He was still working on coming to terms with that aspect.
The Coach. He use to be beautiful. Jensen... well, he was in utter shock when McAllister’s attention had turned towards him. Truthfully, he had thought it had started out as just a desperate attempt to get his weight somewhere near healthy. He had found out later that that hadn’t been the case at all... but at the time, at sixteen that was all it seemed to be.
And who was he? Fat and Ugly Jensen, that’s who. The quiet, fat kid who was an easy target. Give anybody a brain and they could figure out where his mind had been at when Coach McAllister had started to try and take things up a few levels. At the time, he was just awestruck. Some hot, beautiful man wanted him. And that was all that really mattered for a while, for months.
It had started out as completely consensual, though some would argue that still didn’t matter at his age.
“What do you want?” He hissed, taking a big swig from his beer, keeping the urge to scoot back, buried deep within him. No use in showing his weaknesses.
“It’s been a long time, Jenny.” There was no weakness from jerking away from the sweaty palm that moved to touch his cheek. “A long, long time. Too long, really.”
“Don’t touch me, Steve.” He hissed back, moving to stand up. “I thought you understood that you aren’t suppose to come near me.”
“You’re a bit too old to be turnin’ me in now. Fuck, your mother warned the school though. Do ya know how long it took me to find another job because of you?” Steven whispered, probably attempting to make him feel guilty.
“Good. You don’t need to be around children anyways.” He really didn’t need this to end the day off. It was too much. Just way too much right now. Hell, even on a really good day he wasn’t near ready to deal with Steve McAllister.
“You were a child? Didn’t seem so to me, way you wiggled... yeah, you weren’t so innocent, still ain’t.”
“Fuck off.” Jensen hissed, trying to control his breathing. One of his friends, back in LA , had gone to anger management classes. Had enlightened Jensen on all the nooks and crannies but he was now understanding why he had said they were useless.
“You were likin’ it. Don’t see why you had to go and stop it and start throwing threats around. Hell, if you hadn’t, you’da had me ‘rested on the spot.” The same sweaty hand from before went to grip his waist, and he just cringed because his response was a full body flinch. “You lookin’ good now, though. Looks like some things I said stuck pretty damn good.”
Fuck, that hurt. That wasn’t fair or right, really. Because it was the truth, the end part at the least. Six months into their little secret relationship shit started to sink fast. And he had still been a little shocked that Steve had been attracted to him. So, he just let it keep sinking deeper and deeper until he couldn’t even bother to try and pull himself out when he realized just where he was and what he had become.
Shit. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing to him. Knew fucking exactly how far he was tearing down what little self esteem that Jensen had left.
Knew, and just kept digging, trying to get the perfect little toy.
“The only reason I didn’t turn you into the cops back then was because I didn’t want to deal with the shit publically, you fucking moron.” Jensen barked quietly as he shoved at Steve, trying to get more space because right now his chest felt a bit too tight.
“I don’t really believe that and neither do you. You shouldn’t lie to yourself either... how many times have I told you that wasn’t a very good thing. It’s the reason why you weren’t losing any weight back then, you kept telling yourself that you weren’t that fat... and you were. Fucking huge, you were. A nice cushion to push into.”
Steve took a huge step forward, reaching out to grasp Jensen’s ass and fuck anger management because he was stepping back and readying the punch he’d been longing to throw all day since Brad’s fucking comment.
“He’s made it pretty clear that he’s not interested.”
Okay, breath. Now he was fairly certain that he was cursed from the depths of hell; it was really the only way to explain why life was hating him so bad right now. It was like some fucking drama movie.
Or, you know, Jared was fucking stalking him.
“What the fuck are you doing here.” And really, it’s not polite to be directing his anger to the person who just got the ass’s hand off his own ass but maybe Jared would finally get the hint. He wasn’t interested in anything.
“Oh, is that what you’re doing back in town? You got a new fuck buddy?”
“Fuck,” he hissed, running a shaking hand throw his hair, “You know what? Fuck this shit and fuck the both of you. I ain’t dealin’ with none of this.”
At least Steve had the decency to not follow him. Hell, the fucking brains because his fist was still tightly balled at his side and he really didn’t cared if he messed up that pretty face. “Jensen... wait up.”
“What the fuck, man!” Jensen yelled, turning around, “You gonna follow me all night? Hmm? Going to keep on fucking stalking me?”
“Look I’m so...”
“Don’t give me that sorry shit, Jared. I don’t give a fuck. What the fuck’s up with you? Fuck, you took great pleasure in torturing me through highschool... and now that I’m back in town you wanna what? Make it all up? Feeling remorseful. Well, I don’t care.”
“No, Jens...”
“Shut up, just shut the fuck up.” And maybe he shouldn’t have tried to get into Jared’s face because he really was tall and could probably still beat his ass because he never did learn how to fight yet. “I don’t want to deal with this shit tonight. I just wanted a fucking relaxing drink.”
Jared’s hand came up to rest on his shoulder and it wasn’t right, because the guy should be fucking pissed but, of course, he wasn’t. “Please, cal...”
“Don’t fucking touch me!” He wasn’t fucking yelling, he wasn’t. He was fucking barking menacingly. He shoved at Jared, hands gripping his shoulder tightly, until they both slammed into the wall. “Don’t you fucking dare touch me again.”
Here was the fucker, relaxed and cool when he was ready to punch the dumbass. Why did he think that reassuring smile was going to calm him down? With those small, disarming fucking dimples. The bastard should be ready to defend himself, not trying to calm him down.
“Yo... You’re lookin’ at my...” And really, could you blame him for tightening his grip on Jared’s shoulders because he did tell him to shut the fuck up.
His face was resting almost against Jared’s, his eyes moving up to glare into Jared’s. He growled softly before his lips pressed themselves against the taller man’s, all of their own accord, of course. And it couldn’t really be called a kiss, they just rested there for a second before he had the idea to shove away from Jared, his eyes wide as he stumbled backwards.
“Screw it.” He hissed, trying to turn around quickly. “God damnit. Fucking cursed. Fuck.”
“Jensen, wait!” He heard Jared call out behind him but the fuck if he was turning around. Too many issues. Way too many issues and the hell if he planned on dealing with anymore.
“J-just stay the hell away from me, Jared.” He yelled as he climbed into his car.
---
His eyes were heavy when he finally managed to drag himself home at six the next morning. His body was exhausted but his mind was still going, thankfully slower but still going none the less. He hated that feeling, the way it felt like a marathon just to raise his arms but his mind was still trying to piece everything together so that everything meshed perfectly.
He hadn’t been expecting his mother to be up this early so when he saw her sitting on the couch, eating some pop tarts, it was fair to say that he was bit shocked. It took his brain a tad bit longer to remind his body that breathing was a cool action to keep on doing. “Mornin’,” he mumbled at her.
“Morning, honey.” She replied back, raising her head to show the soft smile on her face. Soft but sad smile, “how was your night? I gave up waiting up for you around one.”
“I just needed to clear my mind, Momma.” He explained, his own form of an apology, “I was just driving around; I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I was just worried... I wish you had called. Jared called... he was worried about you. Said something had happened...”
“Did he tell you what?” It was too early for her to expect him to keep the disdain in his voice held back. Really too early and he hadn’t had nearly enough sleep.
“No, no. He... wasn’t sure it was his business telling me. He was just really worried. You should call him so he knows you’re okay.”
He laughed at that, shaking his head as he made his way to the hallway. “I’m not...” he sighed softly, hanging his head because she would call him and he really didn’t need to give her more chances to find out that he’d seen Steve last night. Though, she would understand why he stayed out all night. “Later, I’ll call him later.”
“Aren’t you going to see him in class?”
“Not today,” he mumbled softly, “not going today. Tomorrow though. Okay?”
“Yeah, sweetie. Get some rest.”
He wished he had the strength to take the worry away from her. He really did, but he couldn’t even force a smile right now. Hell, couldn’t even force any kind of tone into his voice so he’d never succeed at that feat. “Okay, night.”
He was up in a bed before he knew exactly what he was doing. He didn’t even bother to kick off his shoes or get under the blankets. He didn’t really care. Not right now. Not at all. The teacher would love his performance if he came in right now.
He thankfully fell asleep rather quickly, without any thoughts to haunt him.
That was, of course, until he heard his door squeak open how many ever hours later. It was dark at least, or as far as he could tell... unless Momma had come in and closed the blinds. That was doubtful though, he was a light sleeper and would have realized that she was leaning over him, straining really. Not to mention her uncanny ability to always fall on top of him.
And he was starting to get convinced that he really was in hell, that he had died somehow and just hadn’t realized it because, twenty bucks on who the hell it was disturbing his sleep. He had died some awful way, like the plane had crashed and it was so quick he didn’t realize it and he’s being punished for being a sinner, with Jared.
It was the only logical explanation because he had thought the kiss would make the dumb ass stay away, far far away. That’s what normal people do, if a guy kisses another outside of a bar... they tend to stay away. Unless it’s outside of a gay bar... but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms entirely.
They do not come to your house. Either way really, if it was a gay bar, they do not come to your house.
End of story. Or apparently not. He had always thought Jared wasn’t particularly smart or all there and this was really just proving his theory. “I thought I told you to stay the fuck away.” He mumbled throwing his pillow over his head. Childish, yeah, but maybe he’d go away. Being an adult and cussing at him didn’t work so maybe acting like a child and pretending he wasn’t there would?
“I, uh, thought it was just because you were a little messed up last night.”
Fucking loop holes. Jared should try out for a politician apparently. Wicked and evil on the inside but all nice smiles and dimples on the outside. He’d be perfect for the job. Maybe the idiot would understand if he said it clearly this time...
“Jen, honey, I called Jared because I know you’re so forgetful about that kind of stuff and I didn’t see a problem with him coming over.” What the hell, was the woman psychic or something? Never did let him be rude. Ever. It was a crime against humanity to her. “He was so worried last night when I told him you weren’t home yet.”
A small peak from under the pillow and Jared was just a bit red. Just a bit. Which was kind of amusing but now was not the time to let the laughter out.
His friends always did say he was a too nice. Never could say no unless he was drunk off his ass.
And he couldn’t really bring himself to say ‘get the fuck out of my room’ when his mother could walk down the hall and be appalled by his behavior... and probably more worried. God damn it all to hell.
A huff, a slight murmuring of exactly how cursed he was, then he was sitting up, not trying to wipe the glare from his face. For all he knew the hard headed freak was probably thinking it was just a glare for being woken.
“Yeah... uh. Yeah.” Was his reply to Jared because like any normal human, he wasn’t up for conversation the first moment he woke up.
“I didn’t mean to wake you... you mom said you’d probably be up. Said you didn’t sleep much. I was, uh, just worried, ya know.”
Another huff and a rub of the eyes, “uh-huh.”
And the freak kept on talking, “you didn’t turn up at class so I thought seeing him again really hit you hard. So, that rumor was true.”
Rambling ass. Fuck it, he was an ostrich. He fell back down and covered his head with his damn pillow. Either Jared was going to disappear or he was going to suffocate. Either one was much better than answering that. Much, much better. Though, the guy obviously couldn’t take any hints so he might just have to deal with the whole suffocation option.
What made him think they were friends enough for him to go, ‘Yeah, yeah that one was true?’
For God’s faking sake, the ass was sitting down next to him. On his bed. His nice, safe bed. Did Jared have any understanding of boundaries.
You know what, he was a dumbass because Jared probably thinks he’s attracted to him. Kissing him to scare him off was, obviously, one of his more stupid ideas. But, could you really blame him? He was just trying to get away from everyone and otherwise Jared would have followed him. Anyways, how was he suppose to know that Jared...
“I’m sorry. A few months after you left he some other kid turned him in, turned out he just kinda went for the outcasts at school. He plead guilty and only served a couple of years and had probation for a few more. I didn’t think you were actually one of the victims... it just made people laugh. So, I’m really sorry?”
The jackass was sitting on his bed. He wasn’t going to yell just yet. He wasn’t. Wasn’t. “So, people thought it was funny that I also off’ed myself?”
“Uh... Brad started that one. They kinda just melded together.”
“And you thought it was funny? And what about the poor kid who actually turned the ass in? You think that was funny, too? Make fun of him as well?”
“He transferred out.’ Jared mumbled, head hung low and his long bangs failing to hide the fact that his eyes were locked on Jensen.
“And that makes it all fucking better, doesn’t it? You being nice here, makes that all better? Did he transfer out immediately after he turned the bastard in or after spending a couple weeks under you guys thumbs?”
He was pissed. His mother could be standing in the doorway and that wouldn’t stop him.
“No, I’ve...”
“Changed? That what you’re going to say? You fucking moron...”
“Jen, you’re yelling... what’s the matter.” And really, Momma was the top shark in the food chain because even if he had gotten really good at interrupting Jared, she was queen bee at completely diffusing his attitude. And she could probably tell that something was dreadfully wrong, all with Jared’s sunken shoulders and his head bent and Jensen clenching his pillow so he didn’t punch the asshole.
And she was in the doorway, and he had lied to himself because she had stopped him.
“Fine. Everything’s fine, Momma. Perfectly. Just sorting some things out, comin’ to a few understandings.”
“Oh...” Was her soft reply, but from the sad look on her face, she’d heard quite a few of things that Jensen was yelling, if not all. “Honey, I... I didn’t tell you he was arrested because you didn’t want to talk about him. Jared’s little brother is the one who turned him in...”
Ah fuck.
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A/N: First things first, I would like to thank everyone for the lovely reviews, I haven't been able to reply to everyone but thank you so much.
Secondly, I'm sorry for the long delay. I've had a few issues, starting off with minor freak outs over this chapter and then computer problems (I just bought a new keyboard) all mixed in with some real life issues so I am really sorry that I'm... two weeks? late on when I said this part would be posted.
Also, I hope to have the next part out by Friday, but as I said earlier, I just got a new keyboard so I'll have to gather up all the mini scenes I wrote on paper. Hopefully.
Thank you so much, again.
-Kay
Comments/Criticism
Title: Are We Feeling Awkward Yet?
Chapter: Two
Word Count: 3894
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The title is being politely borrowed from The Dear and Departed. This is, obviously, fake and did not happen. I am merely borrowing the names and faces of real life people and none of this is meant in any way to harm their reputation. This is a work of fiction and nothing contained within is thought to be real.
Warning: Contains various remarks to sensitive material. The characters grew their own way and there are hints to events and/or diseases that I had not planned on; as of now, I have not planned to dig into these aspects but that does not mean that the character’s will force me to follow through.
A/N: Written for Jellicle’s Ugly Duckling bunny. (And it has now morphed out of control and I’m more than happy that it did... because it’s been way too long that I’ve been able to write anything of substantial length.)
Summary: He had figured it would be easy to slip past everything and everyone; figured that with all the weight loss, he didn’t look like the same person. Then why is everyone noticing him, remembering him? And what made Jared change?
One
Out of how many ever theater classes they have, it was just his luck to end up in the one with Jared... for three hours. Life loved him so much.
Not to mention that damn Brad. Who happened to still be an asshole. At least Jared was playing at being nice, pretending that he hadn’t made Jensen’s life hell through highschool. Brad, well he was the same prick from before and was continuing with his apparent life-long goal of torturing him. And if the ass called him Jenny one more time... he’d forget to hold back on the punch.
A deep sigh, then he was shoving the script back into his bag. “Jensen, learn those lines. And, remember, he’s not angry. He’s done, he doesn’t care.”
“Yes, sir.” He mumbled, rolling his eyes. Whatever the teacher wanted though, even though he was pretty sure the damn writer wanted the young man to be angry. You know, the whole thing with him throwing a punch, might bring people to think that.
“Hey, Jenny boy, you were great. Maybe we should get you that dress; the way you sway those hips... totally would look great in print.”
And, again, with the what the fucks. Seriously? What kind of shit was that? “Brad, why do you always got to be a prick?” and he was cursed to the pits of hell because that was Jared, all smiles and dimples.
What in the world had he done wrong to deserve such cruelty?
“Because I want to get rid of that damn floral dress you got me last year.”
“You could just throw it away.” Jared suggested, falling down beside Jensen, where he was trying to shove everything back into his bag as fast as he could. “Brad here, can’t throw anything away apparently. I think he just likes to remember having to wear it around school.”
“Oh,” Jensen mumbled, eyes locked on the floor. “That woulda been funny.”
“It was, it was.” Jared was laughing now, all big smiled and dimples, eyes all crinkled. “All the girls kept tellin’ him to shave his damn legs.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. Do you have to tell everyone you freakin’ meet that?”
“Do you have to fuck with everyone you meet?”
“Uhm,” he said, standing up, “I have to go; see you later.”
A small smile and a small wave and he’s moving, head ducked. Except, Brad was moving to catch up with him and he should have known that there would be no easy escape from them. They are like some kind of disease, always coming to rear their heads when you thought you’d gotten away unscathed. “Hey, Jenny, I’ve been meaning to ask you. How’d you shed all of that extra weight.” An arm was thrown around his shoulder, successfully halting his retreat. “I mean, hell, you use to be fucking huge. Like huge. And now you’re like a freaking stick compared to that.”
“Uh... just fixed my diet and got more exercise.” He mumbled, trying to shake the arm off.
“Oh, but didn’t Coach McAllister give you enough exercise? I heard he was giving it to you a couple times a day.”
“Fuck off.” He hissed, trying to keep the terror down, ignoring the way his heart slammed in his chest.
No one tried to stop him this time; there was just the fact that he wanted to punch that smirk off the bastard’s face.
“Why the hell did you say that?” Was the last thing he heard Jared bark before he was out of the door and rushing towards his car.
---
He was pretty sure there was nothing wrong with him wasting some hard saved money on a few drinks. Not when the hospital was still sending volunteers meaning his mother was being looked after.
Honestly, it wasn’t his best idea ever, to use the alcohol to deal with the anger and fear that seemed to be overwhelming him at the moment but sometimes, it was far past time to ignore all the rubbish his brain was spitting out at him.
All he really wanted was one beer, just enough to relax him a little and prepare him for tomorrow. Hell, for tonight, because he couldn’t go home where he just might not be able to ignore the urge to slam the door. His car had almost suffered, and the poor thing might have actually fallen apart had he slammed the doors.
The bar wasn’t too crowded, thankfully. It wasn’t completely empty either; there was just enough people where it held onto a comfortable atmosphere. He could hear laughter from a few people around the room, could watch some of the older customers, starting on their nightly ritual towards oblivion.
“Well, well, well. Who do we have here?”
If the voice hadn’t escaped right next to his ear, hot breathing licking at the hairs resting on the back of his neck, he wouldn’t have thought that was directed towards him. But as it was... he slipped the stool backwards a little as he turned his face to see whoever thought it was funny to breath down his...
No one could blame his brain for stopping. Not if they knew who exactly was standing there, no, leaning towards him, a sly grin on the wrinkled face. As it was, he really wished he didn’t know.
There was grey hair now where there use to be a youthful abundance of deep brown. The once chiseled chin was lined in a thick layer of fat and stubble that had obviously been growing for the past few days.
There was barely any signs of the man who had been... been what? He was still working on coming to terms with that aspect.
The Coach. He use to be beautiful. Jensen... well, he was in utter shock when McAllister’s attention had turned towards him. Truthfully, he had thought it had started out as just a desperate attempt to get his weight somewhere near healthy. He had found out later that that hadn’t been the case at all... but at the time, at sixteen that was all it seemed to be.
And who was he? Fat and Ugly Jensen, that’s who. The quiet, fat kid who was an easy target. Give anybody a brain and they could figure out where his mind had been at when Coach McAllister had started to try and take things up a few levels. At the time, he was just awestruck. Some hot, beautiful man wanted him. And that was all that really mattered for a while, for months.
It had started out as completely consensual, though some would argue that still didn’t matter at his age.
“What do you want?” He hissed, taking a big swig from his beer, keeping the urge to scoot back, buried deep within him. No use in showing his weaknesses.
“It’s been a long time, Jenny.” There was no weakness from jerking away from the sweaty palm that moved to touch his cheek. “A long, long time. Too long, really.”
“Don’t touch me, Steve.” He hissed back, moving to stand up. “I thought you understood that you aren’t suppose to come near me.”
“You’re a bit too old to be turnin’ me in now. Fuck, your mother warned the school though. Do ya know how long it took me to find another job because of you?” Steven whispered, probably attempting to make him feel guilty.
“Good. You don’t need to be around children anyways.” He really didn’t need this to end the day off. It was too much. Just way too much right now. Hell, even on a really good day he wasn’t near ready to deal with Steve McAllister.
“You were a child? Didn’t seem so to me, way you wiggled... yeah, you weren’t so innocent, still ain’t.”
“Fuck off.” Jensen hissed, trying to control his breathing. One of his friends, back in LA , had gone to anger management classes. Had enlightened Jensen on all the nooks and crannies but he was now understanding why he had said they were useless.
“You were likin’ it. Don’t see why you had to go and stop it and start throwing threats around. Hell, if you hadn’t, you’da had me ‘rested on the spot.” The same sweaty hand from before went to grip his waist, and he just cringed because his response was a full body flinch. “You lookin’ good now, though. Looks like some things I said stuck pretty damn good.”
Fuck, that hurt. That wasn’t fair or right, really. Because it was the truth, the end part at the least. Six months into their little secret relationship shit started to sink fast. And he had still been a little shocked that Steve had been attracted to him. So, he just let it keep sinking deeper and deeper until he couldn’t even bother to try and pull himself out when he realized just where he was and what he had become.
Shit. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing to him. Knew fucking exactly how far he was tearing down what little self esteem that Jensen had left.
Knew, and just kept digging, trying to get the perfect little toy.
“The only reason I didn’t turn you into the cops back then was because I didn’t want to deal with the shit publically, you fucking moron.” Jensen barked quietly as he shoved at Steve, trying to get more space because right now his chest felt a bit too tight.
“I don’t really believe that and neither do you. You shouldn’t lie to yourself either... how many times have I told you that wasn’t a very good thing. It’s the reason why you weren’t losing any weight back then, you kept telling yourself that you weren’t that fat... and you were. Fucking huge, you were. A nice cushion to push into.”
Steve took a huge step forward, reaching out to grasp Jensen’s ass and fuck anger management because he was stepping back and readying the punch he’d been longing to throw all day since Brad’s fucking comment.
“He’s made it pretty clear that he’s not interested.”
Okay, breath. Now he was fairly certain that he was cursed from the depths of hell; it was really the only way to explain why life was hating him so bad right now. It was like some fucking drama movie.
Or, you know, Jared was fucking stalking him.
“What the fuck are you doing here.” And really, it’s not polite to be directing his anger to the person who just got the ass’s hand off his own ass but maybe Jared would finally get the hint. He wasn’t interested in anything.
“Oh, is that what you’re doing back in town? You got a new fuck buddy?”
“Fuck,” he hissed, running a shaking hand throw his hair, “You know what? Fuck this shit and fuck the both of you. I ain’t dealin’ with none of this.”
At least Steve had the decency to not follow him. Hell, the fucking brains because his fist was still tightly balled at his side and he really didn’t cared if he messed up that pretty face. “Jensen... wait up.”
“What the fuck, man!” Jensen yelled, turning around, “You gonna follow me all night? Hmm? Going to keep on fucking stalking me?”
“Look I’m so...”
“Don’t give me that sorry shit, Jared. I don’t give a fuck. What the fuck’s up with you? Fuck, you took great pleasure in torturing me through highschool... and now that I’m back in town you wanna what? Make it all up? Feeling remorseful. Well, I don’t care.”
“No, Jens...”
“Shut up, just shut the fuck up.” And maybe he shouldn’t have tried to get into Jared’s face because he really was tall and could probably still beat his ass because he never did learn how to fight yet. “I don’t want to deal with this shit tonight. I just wanted a fucking relaxing drink.”
Jared’s hand came up to rest on his shoulder and it wasn’t right, because the guy should be fucking pissed but, of course, he wasn’t. “Please, cal...”
“Don’t fucking touch me!” He wasn’t fucking yelling, he wasn’t. He was fucking barking menacingly. He shoved at Jared, hands gripping his shoulder tightly, until they both slammed into the wall. “Don’t you fucking dare touch me again.”
Here was the fucker, relaxed and cool when he was ready to punch the dumbass. Why did he think that reassuring smile was going to calm him down? With those small, disarming fucking dimples. The bastard should be ready to defend himself, not trying to calm him down.
“Yo... You’re lookin’ at my...” And really, could you blame him for tightening his grip on Jared’s shoulders because he did tell him to shut the fuck up.
His face was resting almost against Jared’s, his eyes moving up to glare into Jared’s. He growled softly before his lips pressed themselves against the taller man’s, all of their own accord, of course. And it couldn’t really be called a kiss, they just rested there for a second before he had the idea to shove away from Jared, his eyes wide as he stumbled backwards.
“Screw it.” He hissed, trying to turn around quickly. “God damnit. Fucking cursed. Fuck.”
“Jensen, wait!” He heard Jared call out behind him but the fuck if he was turning around. Too many issues. Way too many issues and the hell if he planned on dealing with anymore.
“J-just stay the hell away from me, Jared.” He yelled as he climbed into his car.
---
His eyes were heavy when he finally managed to drag himself home at six the next morning. His body was exhausted but his mind was still going, thankfully slower but still going none the less. He hated that feeling, the way it felt like a marathon just to raise his arms but his mind was still trying to piece everything together so that everything meshed perfectly.
He hadn’t been expecting his mother to be up this early so when he saw her sitting on the couch, eating some pop tarts, it was fair to say that he was bit shocked. It took his brain a tad bit longer to remind his body that breathing was a cool action to keep on doing. “Mornin’,” he mumbled at her.
“Morning, honey.” She replied back, raising her head to show the soft smile on her face. Soft but sad smile, “how was your night? I gave up waiting up for you around one.”
“I just needed to clear my mind, Momma.” He explained, his own form of an apology, “I was just driving around; I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I was just worried... I wish you had called. Jared called... he was worried about you. Said something had happened...”
“Did he tell you what?” It was too early for her to expect him to keep the disdain in his voice held back. Really too early and he hadn’t had nearly enough sleep.
“No, no. He... wasn’t sure it was his business telling me. He was just really worried. You should call him so he knows you’re okay.”
He laughed at that, shaking his head as he made his way to the hallway. “I’m not...” he sighed softly, hanging his head because she would call him and he really didn’t need to give her more chances to find out that he’d seen Steve last night. Though, she would understand why he stayed out all night. “Later, I’ll call him later.”
“Aren’t you going to see him in class?”
“Not today,” he mumbled softly, “not going today. Tomorrow though. Okay?”
“Yeah, sweetie. Get some rest.”
He wished he had the strength to take the worry away from her. He really did, but he couldn’t even force a smile right now. Hell, couldn’t even force any kind of tone into his voice so he’d never succeed at that feat. “Okay, night.”
He was up in a bed before he knew exactly what he was doing. He didn’t even bother to kick off his shoes or get under the blankets. He didn’t really care. Not right now. Not at all. The teacher would love his performance if he came in right now.
He thankfully fell asleep rather quickly, without any thoughts to haunt him.
That was, of course, until he heard his door squeak open how many ever hours later. It was dark at least, or as far as he could tell... unless Momma had come in and closed the blinds. That was doubtful though, he was a light sleeper and would have realized that she was leaning over him, straining really. Not to mention her uncanny ability to always fall on top of him.
And he was starting to get convinced that he really was in hell, that he had died somehow and just hadn’t realized it because, twenty bucks on who the hell it was disturbing his sleep. He had died some awful way, like the plane had crashed and it was so quick he didn’t realize it and he’s being punished for being a sinner, with Jared.
It was the only logical explanation because he had thought the kiss would make the dumb ass stay away, far far away. That’s what normal people do, if a guy kisses another outside of a bar... they tend to stay away. Unless it’s outside of a gay bar... but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms entirely.
They do not come to your house. Either way really, if it was a gay bar, they do not come to your house.
End of story. Or apparently not. He had always thought Jared wasn’t particularly smart or all there and this was really just proving his theory. “I thought I told you to stay the fuck away.” He mumbled throwing his pillow over his head. Childish, yeah, but maybe he’d go away. Being an adult and cussing at him didn’t work so maybe acting like a child and pretending he wasn’t there would?
“I, uh, thought it was just because you were a little messed up last night.”
Fucking loop holes. Jared should try out for a politician apparently. Wicked and evil on the inside but all nice smiles and dimples on the outside. He’d be perfect for the job. Maybe the idiot would understand if he said it clearly this time...
“Jen, honey, I called Jared because I know you’re so forgetful about that kind of stuff and I didn’t see a problem with him coming over.” What the hell, was the woman psychic or something? Never did let him be rude. Ever. It was a crime against humanity to her. “He was so worried last night when I told him you weren’t home yet.”
A small peak from under the pillow and Jared was just a bit red. Just a bit. Which was kind of amusing but now was not the time to let the laughter out.
His friends always did say he was a too nice. Never could say no unless he was drunk off his ass.
And he couldn’t really bring himself to say ‘get the fuck out of my room’ when his mother could walk down the hall and be appalled by his behavior... and probably more worried. God damn it all to hell.
A huff, a slight murmuring of exactly how cursed he was, then he was sitting up, not trying to wipe the glare from his face. For all he knew the hard headed freak was probably thinking it was just a glare for being woken.
“Yeah... uh. Yeah.” Was his reply to Jared because like any normal human, he wasn’t up for conversation the first moment he woke up.
“I didn’t mean to wake you... you mom said you’d probably be up. Said you didn’t sleep much. I was, uh, just worried, ya know.”
Another huff and a rub of the eyes, “uh-huh.”
And the freak kept on talking, “you didn’t turn up at class so I thought seeing him again really hit you hard. So, that rumor was true.”
Rambling ass. Fuck it, he was an ostrich. He fell back down and covered his head with his damn pillow. Either Jared was going to disappear or he was going to suffocate. Either one was much better than answering that. Much, much better. Though, the guy obviously couldn’t take any hints so he might just have to deal with the whole suffocation option.
What made him think they were friends enough for him to go, ‘Yeah, yeah that one was true?’
For God’s faking sake, the ass was sitting down next to him. On his bed. His nice, safe bed. Did Jared have any understanding of boundaries.
You know what, he was a dumbass because Jared probably thinks he’s attracted to him. Kissing him to scare him off was, obviously, one of his more stupid ideas. But, could you really blame him? He was just trying to get away from everyone and otherwise Jared would have followed him. Anyways, how was he suppose to know that Jared...
“I’m sorry. A few months after you left he some other kid turned him in, turned out he just kinda went for the outcasts at school. He plead guilty and only served a couple of years and had probation for a few more. I didn’t think you were actually one of the victims... it just made people laugh. So, I’m really sorry?”
The jackass was sitting on his bed. He wasn’t going to yell just yet. He wasn’t. Wasn’t. “So, people thought it was funny that I also off’ed myself?”
“Uh... Brad started that one. They kinda just melded together.”
“And you thought it was funny? And what about the poor kid who actually turned the ass in? You think that was funny, too? Make fun of him as well?”
“He transferred out.’ Jared mumbled, head hung low and his long bangs failing to hide the fact that his eyes were locked on Jensen.
“And that makes it all fucking better, doesn’t it? You being nice here, makes that all better? Did he transfer out immediately after he turned the bastard in or after spending a couple weeks under you guys thumbs?”
He was pissed. His mother could be standing in the doorway and that wouldn’t stop him.
“No, I’ve...”
“Changed? That what you’re going to say? You fucking moron...”
“Jen, you’re yelling... what’s the matter.” And really, Momma was the top shark in the food chain because even if he had gotten really good at interrupting Jared, she was queen bee at completely diffusing his attitude. And she could probably tell that something was dreadfully wrong, all with Jared’s sunken shoulders and his head bent and Jensen clenching his pillow so he didn’t punch the asshole.
And she was in the doorway, and he had lied to himself because she had stopped him.
“Fine. Everything’s fine, Momma. Perfectly. Just sorting some things out, comin’ to a few understandings.”
“Oh...” Was her soft reply, but from the sad look on her face, she’d heard quite a few of things that Jensen was yelling, if not all. “Honey, I... I didn’t tell you he was arrested because you didn’t want to talk about him. Jared’s little brother is the one who turned him in...”
Ah fuck.
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A/N: First things first, I would like to thank everyone for the lovely reviews, I haven't been able to reply to everyone but thank you so much.
Secondly, I'm sorry for the long delay. I've had a few issues, starting off with minor freak outs over this chapter and then computer problems (I just bought a new keyboard) all mixed in with some real life issues so I am really sorry that I'm... two weeks? late on when I said this part would be posted.
Also, I hope to have the next part out by Friday, but as I said earlier, I just got a new keyboard so I'll have to gather up all the mini scenes I wrote on paper. Hopefully.
Thank you so much, again.
-Kay
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