I Want The Pain To End
How did I get to this point? My life is sooo....I don't even know. I'm happy with it....but I'm not. There's so many things I wish I could change...but can't. I really am try to do what's best for me. Even if I don't like, which I really don't. I'm just trying to look out of my own best interests, as if it's for someone else.
For those for you who don't know, I've started smoking, well actually I started last summer to help me relax. Of course I get people telling me constantly telling me how I'll get cancer and all the crap...but honestly, I could care less. I've taken sleeping pill after sleeping pill today. They're not making me sleep but relaxing me. I've just been sitting here in my bed all day, thinking about the people who've come and left my life. So many shouldn't have left. I should be talking to them everyday. I miss them, despite everything. There are even some that are leaving me right now, and I'm scared. I'll be strong for them. In this case, I'm doing my best to look out for their best interests. They have to go. They have to do this. But it's going to kill me. I won't let someone be miserable for me. That's not right. They mean the world to me. I'm going to miss them tremendously.
Am I setting myself up for a huge disaster? Hell....what AM I doing? I'm so scared right now. So much shit has already happened to me....I just want it to stop. I want the pain to end. I don't want to regret any thing. It's enough just trying not to regret the past let alone the future.
Where do I go from here?
-Brooks
For those for you who don't know, I've started smoking, well actually I started last summer to help me relax. Of course I get people telling me constantly telling me how I'll get cancer and all the crap...but honestly, I could care less. I've taken sleeping pill after sleeping pill today. They're not making me sleep but relaxing me. I've just been sitting here in my bed all day, thinking about the people who've come and left my life. So many shouldn't have left. I should be talking to them everyday. I miss them, despite everything. There are even some that are leaving me right now, and I'm scared. I'll be strong for them. In this case, I'm doing my best to look out for their best interests. They have to go. They have to do this. But it's going to kill me. I won't let someone be miserable for me. That's not right. They mean the world to me. I'm going to miss them tremendously.
Am I setting myself up for a huge disaster? Hell....what AM I doing? I'm so scared right now. So much shit has already happened to me....I just want it to stop. I want the pain to end. I don't want to regret any thing. It's enough just trying not to regret the past let alone the future.
Where do I go from here?
-Brooks