Haven't updated in a while...
But I feel the need to, for some reason. So here goes.
I spend entirely too much time thinking about the past. However, recently it has been much much less than usual. That's a very good thing. I don't pine over exes anymore. I do some minor Facebook stalking or whatever, but it's for no purpose. I care if the person is alive, but that's almost the extent of it. It just boggles my mind that someone could be a major part of everyday life and then within a couple years just have no meaning at all beyond memories. It's sad, but in most cases it is a positive thing for me. I don't forget things, and I hope people in my past don't forget me, but I am becoming more comfortable with moving on, I suppose. It's weird.
But it makes sense. I'm happily in a relationship. I think this may be the longest I've been with someone without incident- no cheating,no desire to cheat, no depression, no loneliness. I don't want to look around. I don't miss being single. I'm happy with it all, really. So much that I don't like to think about our future, because I don't want to be that young, marriage-minded girl. But I truly am happy. Whether he realizes it or not, I do love him. Sometimes it really scares me. But I know he loves me too.
Thinking about the future always scares me, and the idea of moving comes up frequently. In some hypothetical scenarios (the constant daydreamer I am), moving out of state is a necessity. That scares me, but at times I think it would be for the best. I can really fall on either side of this. On one hand, I recognize that moving may be necessary for my career and future, and that's okay. New adventures are stressful and frightening, but it will only make me stronger. New opportunities, especially those to widen my net, are good. Getting to know a different part of the country will be exciting. Of course there are qualms about moving in itself (finding somewhere to live, being alone, money, etc.), but that's to be expected. On the other hand, it makes me sad to think about leaving Michigan. All of my friends and family are here, essentially. It's the only place I have ever lived and the only place I am used to. I truly like the climate and like the areas in which I have lived. I'd love to stay with what is familiar, be near those I care about, and continue with a career.
Yet sometimes, the familiarity is a negative aspect. Almost anywhere I go on the East or West side of the state is laden with memories, many involving people who I no longer speak to. Painful memories, or those that make you long for the past. Every place has a story that isn't necessarily relevant to my life anymore. Sometimes it makes me desperately want to get out of town so I can escape the past and build a new future. But I guess maybe I can never escape, since it's not Michigan's fault. It's my mind, isn't it?
I spend entirely too much time thinking about the past. However, recently it has been much much less than usual. That's a very good thing. I don't pine over exes anymore. I do some minor Facebook stalking or whatever, but it's for no purpose. I care if the person is alive, but that's almost the extent of it. It just boggles my mind that someone could be a major part of everyday life and then within a couple years just have no meaning at all beyond memories. It's sad, but in most cases it is a positive thing for me. I don't forget things, and I hope people in my past don't forget me, but I am becoming more comfortable with moving on, I suppose. It's weird.
But it makes sense. I'm happily in a relationship. I think this may be the longest I've been with someone without incident- no cheating,no desire to cheat, no depression, no loneliness. I don't want to look around. I don't miss being single. I'm happy with it all, really. So much that I don't like to think about our future, because I don't want to be that young, marriage-minded girl. But I truly am happy. Whether he realizes it or not, I do love him. Sometimes it really scares me. But I know he loves me too.
Thinking about the future always scares me, and the idea of moving comes up frequently. In some hypothetical scenarios (the constant daydreamer I am), moving out of state is a necessity. That scares me, but at times I think it would be for the best. I can really fall on either side of this. On one hand, I recognize that moving may be necessary for my career and future, and that's okay. New adventures are stressful and frightening, but it will only make me stronger. New opportunities, especially those to widen my net, are good. Getting to know a different part of the country will be exciting. Of course there are qualms about moving in itself (finding somewhere to live, being alone, money, etc.), but that's to be expected. On the other hand, it makes me sad to think about leaving Michigan. All of my friends and family are here, essentially. It's the only place I have ever lived and the only place I am used to. I truly like the climate and like the areas in which I have lived. I'd love to stay with what is familiar, be near those I care about, and continue with a career.
Yet sometimes, the familiarity is a negative aspect. Almost anywhere I go on the East or West side of the state is laden with memories, many involving people who I no longer speak to. Painful memories, or those that make you long for the past. Every place has a story that isn't necessarily relevant to my life anymore. Sometimes it makes me desperately want to get out of town so I can escape the past and build a new future. But I guess maybe I can never escape, since it's not Michigan's fault. It's my mind, isn't it?