Your words in my memory are like music to me
Whenever I watch Tool Academy (I know, I know...) I can't help but think about how pathetic it all is. More than the guys being fairly pathetic people, it's the girlfriends that really upset me. They just are being strung along by complete losers. The guys for the most part obviously don't really want to be with the women, and just don't want to have no one that will always be there. They are insecure little man-children. But it's the women that don't take their own power and move on. It should have been obvious that if the relationship had come to the "Tool Academy" point, that something is wrong. Reality TV can't save your relationship or change this lame guy. The girls just are being led on by terrible guys, for the most part.
Then I start to think... how is this that much different from my relationship? I'm definitely the sucker in the equation. I'm sticking around when any sensible outside source would tell me to move on. I stay in it when he shows no interest in being with me. I defend him and care for him when I don't have much reason to. Like those girls, I'm not horrible or unable to get another man. I simply choose not to. I'm choosing the position that I am in, as hard as it is for me and as hard as it is for others to watch. There isn't really much explanation for it. I can't justify my actions, since I can't justify my feelings. To all logical perspectives, I'm a complete sucker. I'm being strung along. I should be seen as a sad excuse for an independent person. But it's hard to put myself in that category.
I don't know much about what's going on right now. All I know is that this isn't the first time, and may not be the last, but it's not getting easier with experience. It might all basically be the same crap, but it kind of hurts more every time.
I just wish he knew. I wish he knew, and he cared.
Call me pathetic, I suppose.
Then I start to think... how is this that much different from my relationship? I'm definitely the sucker in the equation. I'm sticking around when any sensible outside source would tell me to move on. I stay in it when he shows no interest in being with me. I defend him and care for him when I don't have much reason to. Like those girls, I'm not horrible or unable to get another man. I simply choose not to. I'm choosing the position that I am in, as hard as it is for me and as hard as it is for others to watch. There isn't really much explanation for it. I can't justify my actions, since I can't justify my feelings. To all logical perspectives, I'm a complete sucker. I'm being strung along. I should be seen as a sad excuse for an independent person. But it's hard to put myself in that category.
I don't know much about what's going on right now. All I know is that this isn't the first time, and may not be the last, but it's not getting easier with experience. It might all basically be the same crap, but it kind of hurts more every time.
I just wish he knew. I wish he knew, and he cared.
Call me pathetic, I suppose.