im having trouble figuring out what i should share and what i should keep to myself right now. would working through what im feeling help me figure out how to fondly recall the past or just make this harder than it needs to be?
nevermind. i just had a talk with tom, bless his soul, and i dont feel the need to do this anymore. since i hate vagueness i'll just tell you whats up. im in this dumb quasi-depression because one year ago yesterday i left for new york/poland/israel and im feeling horribly alone. its hard to explain. when i came home last year, i cant even begin to express how much i didnt want to be here. i walked through the halls completely lost. i felt so out of place at home. i couldnt even call it home anymore. i missed you all terribly, believe me, i did. but i wanted to be there, with them. and i couldnt. and it had just ended. all of a sudden i was hugging jen harvey at baggage claim, and i just didnt get it. i didnt get where it had gone. without a second thought i can say that those 6 weeks defined exactly who i am right now, and not USY, not hillel, not reunions, not going back to israel, not pictures, not keeping in touch, nothing can give me them back. but ive realized that the definition it gave me, the person it created, that i can have. with beautiful memories and the support of friends both at home and around the country, i can fondly recollect the best time of my life.
so now im just kinda ehhhh.
yesterday was the most fun i think ive had all summer. that may suprise those of you who were there, cept kate, considering i hardly said three things after 9pm. i like listening to all the conversations going on at once. i dont even realize that im not talking until someone asks me whats wrong. its just who i am. anyways i loved seeing all of you who were there and i hope you dont think im crazy.
thanks to everyone that helped me out the last couple hours. i love you guys. i wish i didnt have to sleep alone tonight. thats how i felt my first night back from israel. six weeks of roommates makes nighttime pretty lonely.
1. Your name spelled backwards: acissej
2. Where were your parents born? my dad was born in waterloo, iowa, and my mom was born in tiberias, israel
3. What's the last thing you downloaded to your computer? a document from my brother
4. What's your favorite restaurant? hm i dunno wendys, olive garden, max and ermas, wildfire, chilis, fridays...
5. Last time you swam in a pool? oh gosh umm spring break mexico i think
6. Have you ever been in a school play? only when we had to in elementary school. macbeth in fifth grade i remember well.
7. How many kids do you want? 2 if theyre boy and girl, 3 if theyre the same. if theyre still the same, i give up.
8. Type of music you dislike most? anything that bresnahan would play on the morning announcements
9. What is your favorite, random thing to do? go to parks or playgrounds. i do it probably 4 or 5 times a week.
10. Do you have cable? nope satelitte, but i think we're switching to cable soon
11. If you had all the time in the world what would you do? figure out how to only have one lifetime again
12. Ever prank-called anybody? haha of course
13. Best friends? rachel, shawna, monica, sam, kate, jen, tom, abby, joel and a thousand others that i love like crazy
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? definitely, just give me maybe 2 years to get the guts and someone to go with
15. Furthest place you ever traveled? israel
16. Are you more outgoing or shy? more shy
17. What's your favorite comic strip? there are some i like more than others, but i dont know their names
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? i think so, definitely if the music is playing
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? i showered at night during the school year, a couple hours after i wake up now
20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? none were amazing...there was xmen 3, the break up, and the lakehouse in theaters. all pretty equal. i dont remember ones i saw at home.
21. Favorite pizza toppings? just cheese. maybe extra cheese.
22. Chips or popcorn? popcorn
23. What color shirt do you usually wear? it varies...
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? im gonna go no
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? nope
26. Orange Juice or apple? apple for sure, everyday
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where? wendys last night with kate
28. Favorite type chocolate bar? snickers
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? primaries earlier this year
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? last summer and will in a couple weeks when theyre done
31. Have you ever won a trophy? basketball and soccer park district ones
32. Are you a good cook? depends on the meal
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? yeah
34. Ever ordered from an infomercial? no way
35. Sprite or 7-up? sprite all the way
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? yeah their shirt and khakis, their shirt and jeans, their shirt and whatever i want as long as its not jeans
37. Last thing you bought at a Walgreens? fathers day card
38. Ever thrown up in public? nope
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love? love, duh
40. Do you believe in love at first sight? nope
41. Can ex's be just friends? yeah definitely. not saying its easy but ive done it
42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? my dad
43. Did you have a lot of hair as a baby? dont think so
44. What message is on your answering machine? hey guys, it's jess. sorry i missed you, but leave a message and i'll call you back. used to be all of us singing rooney cuz we're awesome, but not anymore.
45. Where would you like to be right now? reliving last year, one week from tomorrow
46. What was the name of your first pet? when i was born we had barney. he was a dog. my first pet that was really mine was lucy. she was a rabbit.
47. What kinda backpack do u have, and what's in it? jansport, full of anything from school i didnt burn.
48. Where is your second home? technically i have one on pistakee lake, but here i guess sams or shawnas house
49. What is one thing you are grateful for today? lizzie
50. What do you think about most? sigh. israel?