(Untitled)
Hey. Hey hey. I like these card games as much as anybody, but are they sure they gave me the right deck? Cause I megas remember playing something like this when I was younger and I'm pretty sure these sorta cards aren't in it. Are these really gonna work
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[Suddenly, green ghost in your face! Followed momentarily by the sudden appearance of a massive brown mushroom creature.]
GWEAHAHAHA! Of course they work! Don't doubt it, just play!
Attack! Monstrous Goomba Stomp!
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Tsuruya is shocked, and frantically tosses in the first card she can find and gets...
Hey, it's a giant chicken!
Insert Chocobo theme here.
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. . .
. . .
. . .
WHAT IS YOUR CHICKEN DOING TO MY GOOMBA?! STOP IT, STOP IT! IT'S UNSANITARY! GOOMBAS ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR CONSUMPTION AAAAAARGGHHHH!
[Bow loses 300 Life Points! The overgrown chicken burps out a googly eye and grins menacingly.]
H-How rude! Next monster! Attack!
[And out pops a . . . Duplighost! It stares at the opposition for a few moments before transforming into Tsuruya and snickering loudly.]
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...hahahahah, it's me! It's me! That's hilarious! But unfortunately I gotta pull something out myself.
She pulls... um, the card apparently reads "Sun-Baked Beach King," and what comes out is a painfully early-90s beach bum with a volleyball.
Wow, this deck's ridiculous! I like it! Hahahahaha!
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AHAHAHA this is megas sweet I'm ridin' on a chicken! Better look out, nyoro!
[The Duplighost rears the Chocobo back and thunders in the direction of the Beach King . . . ]
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The volleyball dude looks kind of freaked out at the gigantic damn chicken riding his way until Tsuruya, scrambling for a spell card, adds... a skateboard with a Christian fish on it.
Our volleyball dude gets on it and skates for the glory of GOD! Or at least to even up the speed difference between the two of them. In the meantime, SERVE! *wham!*
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. . . What! What was that? You can just play any card you want during attacks?! Hmph!
[Bow pulls out a random magic card as well and -- POOF! The Duplighost is suddenly joined by two . . . shadow creatures?]
W-What?! What is the meaning of this? You! Boo! Why have you called us here?!
Guh.
. . . Aha. Well. Hello, Beldam. Marilyn. So glad you could join us. . . . I happen to be in the middle of something here, so I'd appreciate it if you could hurry up and attack.
Why should the illustrious Shadow Sirens do anything for you?!
Guuuuuh.
It was written on the card, dear. 'Team-Up'. I imagine that one's supposed to be Doopliss.
R-Ridiculous! Urgh! We are the Shadow Sirens; we are not at the beck and call of some watermelon ghost ( ... )
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Awwwww, there he goes! Poor guy!
Skater boi is still here, though, and swats another volleyball at the group.
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Just still your tongue and go!
[The Shadow Sirens pop out of existence, leaving only a gloating Duplighost behind. As it leaps into the air with joy, it transforms into a volleyball and launches itself towards the um. Other volleyball. Bow rummages through her cards and summons her next monster.]
. . . Oh! My goodness. W-Where am I . . . ?
P-P-Princess Peach?!
Huh? Lady Bow, isn't it? Why am I -- AH!!
[The volleyball slams into Peach's head and sends her face-first into the ground. It appears that Doopliss was unable to intercept it.]
. . . Goodness. Where all of the real monsters? Ah. Do me a favor and attack that unscrupulous young man, Princess.
B-But . . . Oh, dear. Will this do? <3
[The lovely princess . . . blows a heart at the volleyball player.]
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The volleyball player, smitten by the lovely Peach, aimts his ball at the ghost, still staring at her all the while. It's an impressive feat, and the Duplighost wasn't expecting it. Splat.
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[Bow whips out a magic card! "Ultra Defense: Overwhelmingly Cute Mascot Horde!" An entire army of stars suddenly fall out of the sky to protect Duplighost! Star Power rules!]
Luma! LUMALUMALUMA! LUUUUUMAAAAAA! [Translation: FEED ME STAR BITS NAO.]
How adorable! . . . Eh?
[Bow has failed to play "Technology: Infinite Star Bit Generation Machine" in conjunction with "Ultra Defense: Overwhelmingly Cute Mascot Horde!" Angered, the Lumas turn . . . and Bow loses 400 more Life Points! A single party hat is left on the field . . . ]
. . . WHAT IS IT WITH THESE MONSTERS AND EATING EVERYTHING?! Peach, attack!
Er . . . I do apologize, sir.
[The Princess picks up her skirts and cautiously walks towards the volleyball player. Bap.]
What?! . . . PRINCESS YOU HAVE NEGATIVE 300 ATTACK POINTS.
T-Teehee! P-P-Peachy!
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Uh oh! Looks like I gotta play a little more serious! Let's try... holy crap.
You're in for megas hurt now!
Creature. Fiend type. Dream Slayer.
Holy shit, it's Freddy fucking Kreuger. And he's looking awfully predatory in Peach's direction.
...actually, TSURUYA looks a little freaked about it.
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Silence! We shall not be intimidated by any wretched urchin in a mask!
B-But those claws --
Together, our sophisticated poise and grace will truly overcome!
A-And half his face is miss --
This ends here! No slip of a schoolgirl is going to beat me! I play, uh. Oh.
[Bow's next monster reveals itself -- a Piranha Plant! It smiles beautifully in Freddy Krueger's direction, showing off its lovely pearly whites.]
. . . Just 700 Attack Points? What else is there here mumble mumble oh, blast it all!
[Bow cheats! A flurry of magic cards are suddenly played in sequence -- A parasol appears in Peach's hand, Piranha's teeth are encapsulated nicely by a golden grill, the entire playing field suddenly turns to a volcano for no discernible reason and . . . ]
Hmm? And what's this? Ah, who cares. Polymerization!
P-P-Poly . . . What? W-Wait, Lady Bow, I -- AAAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
. . . My. That looks painful.
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GWEAHAHAHAHAHA!! Beat that!
[Uh. . . . Words fail to describe the monstrous creature that has emerged between the fusion of Princess Peach and the Piranha Plant. Needless to say, the 10-foot-tall Peach does not look at all happy. Neither do her many buds and sprouts, each of which is laced with venemous barbs and lots and lots of teeth.]
Piranha Peach, attack!
[And it does. The brawl between the two unholy monsters is truly epic to behold, and when they finally fall apart . . . The entire battlefield vanishes, leaving Tsuruya's life points at 0 and Bow's at a mere 400.]
GWEAHAHAHA I WIN! Now hand over those Prinny Tokens!
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Ah well, a fight's a fight! Here ya go!
BOW HAS RECEIVED ONE (1) PRINNY TOKEN
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My, I can't believe how fun these mortal games are. Why haven't I heard of this before?
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