long update about my thoughts because it's 5:15 a.m. and i can't sleep
18 days until i go to illinois :]
2 days until i see rachel
1 day until i hang out with kandace
& later today i'm going to the mall.
devon leaves in 3 days :[
hmm. right now i'm at devon's house & i'm spending the night
she's been asleep for like an hour and a half
i can't sleep
i really wish i could
i just watched "guess who" on t.v. & it's a reallllly cute movie :]
uhh. yeahhh. i don't know. i miss cory. i want to talk to him.
ya know. i realized, time changes things so much. and sometimes it's bad, and sometimes it's good.
sometimes you need the time to realize what you had, so you can appreciate it more when you feel the loss of not having it.
if that made sense
& sometimes time can be a bad thing,
because people can grow apart and forget about each other
& sometimes time can help to release some anger. and you start to forget about your old wounds and the people who have hurt you, or who you have hated. time can help the wounds not seem so fresh.
but time can also ruin relationships. make people forget about each other, when they should remember and be together and feel the same as they did before.
time has been good and bad for me.
it's helped me to forget some anger i had for some people
and it's helped me to think about some things.
it also helped me realize what i had when i didn't have it anymore.
but time has also made me freak out and worry that cory will forget about me.
but lately things have been good
better than they were like 3 months ago.
i just hope things can continue to get better and we can appreciate what we have/had.
i just hope that everything will work out in the end.
and i hope that everything really does happen for a reason.
& i really believe that. but i just wish i knew the reasons.
and i wish i could know what was going to happen in like 10 years.
5 even.
and i know everyone wishes the same things as me,
but it's something i was thinking about today
& i can't sleep
so i decided to type all of this shit.
hmmm.
i'm really sick of certain things.
and i just really can't wait until august 6th
because that's when i go to illinois
i hope everything goes okay there with me and cory.
i hope i don't get my hopes up and then be sad to see that he doesn't care about me as much as i care about him.
well. whatever. these thoughts are odd.
i'm going to try to go to sleep
& try to figure out how to turn off devon's t.v.
& i really don't think i'll fall asleep for another hour or so.
this sucks.
whatever.
i love friends
such as samantha and rachel
they really help me get through
today i hung out with samantha & ed-GAR
& i love them both so much
and there was some dramaish stuff.
but it was okay after a while.
theres just a lot of open wounds between ed-GAR and samantha, and me and ed-GAR
& i think things with me & samantha r good and stronger than before :]
it makes me happy
& i really hope her family doesn't make her move to illinois
yeah. her parents want her to move
& that would suck
funny. they want her to move to ILLINOIS
of all places.
jsdafjsla;
whatever
ya know, i don't even care where life takes me when i grow up
wherever cory wants to go, i don't care.
i wish i knew what i wanted to do when i grew up
that would be good
i don't have too many passions
i like to write
& take pictures
but sometimes i can't write
and you can't make careers out of that
and everyone likes to write & take pictures.
so wtf ?
hmm
i don't know what to do anymore.
but i know that those cute texts rachel sent me, saved me from causing self destruction the other night.
and i know she won't read this.
but i love her so so much.
i'm glad i have her in my life
without her, i don't even know what would happen
& i dont care if people think i'm crazy for being this obsessed with cory
i'm an obsessive person
whatever.
no one understands how i feel about all that
and i'm sure no one is going to read this
& i'd rather they not
i'm just ranting and venting about nothing
and hoping that devon's dad or aunt doesn't come down stairs and be like WTF
& i'm hoping i can fall asleep
which won't happen for a while
& devon's couch is really small
& my arm kinda hurts from my tetnaus shot today
i got 2 shots
a blood test
& a drug test.
oh man
i don't know when i get the results.
whatever.
i'm going to try to sleep
& turn off the t.v.
not in that order.
whatever.
2 days until i see rachel
1 day until i hang out with kandace
& later today i'm going to the mall.
devon leaves in 3 days :[
hmm. right now i'm at devon's house & i'm spending the night
she's been asleep for like an hour and a half
i can't sleep
i really wish i could
i just watched "guess who" on t.v. & it's a reallllly cute movie :]
uhh. yeahhh. i don't know. i miss cory. i want to talk to him.
ya know. i realized, time changes things so much. and sometimes it's bad, and sometimes it's good.
sometimes you need the time to realize what you had, so you can appreciate it more when you feel the loss of not having it.
if that made sense
& sometimes time can be a bad thing,
because people can grow apart and forget about each other
& sometimes time can help to release some anger. and you start to forget about your old wounds and the people who have hurt you, or who you have hated. time can help the wounds not seem so fresh.
but time can also ruin relationships. make people forget about each other, when they should remember and be together and feel the same as they did before.
time has been good and bad for me.
it's helped me to forget some anger i had for some people
and it's helped me to think about some things.
it also helped me realize what i had when i didn't have it anymore.
but time has also made me freak out and worry that cory will forget about me.
but lately things have been good
better than they were like 3 months ago.
i just hope things can continue to get better and we can appreciate what we have/had.
i just hope that everything will work out in the end.
and i hope that everything really does happen for a reason.
& i really believe that. but i just wish i knew the reasons.
and i wish i could know what was going to happen in like 10 years.
5 even.
and i know everyone wishes the same things as me,
but it's something i was thinking about today
& i can't sleep
so i decided to type all of this shit.
hmmm.
i'm really sick of certain things.
and i just really can't wait until august 6th
because that's when i go to illinois
i hope everything goes okay there with me and cory.
i hope i don't get my hopes up and then be sad to see that he doesn't care about me as much as i care about him.
well. whatever. these thoughts are odd.
i'm going to try to go to sleep
& try to figure out how to turn off devon's t.v.
& i really don't think i'll fall asleep for another hour or so.
this sucks.
whatever.
i love friends
such as samantha and rachel
they really help me get through
today i hung out with samantha & ed-GAR
& i love them both so much
and there was some dramaish stuff.
but it was okay after a while.
theres just a lot of open wounds between ed-GAR and samantha, and me and ed-GAR
& i think things with me & samantha r good and stronger than before :]
it makes me happy
& i really hope her family doesn't make her move to illinois
yeah. her parents want her to move
& that would suck
funny. they want her to move to ILLINOIS
of all places.
jsdafjsla;
whatever
ya know, i don't even care where life takes me when i grow up
wherever cory wants to go, i don't care.
i wish i knew what i wanted to do when i grew up
that would be good
i don't have too many passions
i like to write
& take pictures
but sometimes i can't write
and you can't make careers out of that
and everyone likes to write & take pictures.
so wtf ?
hmm
i don't know what to do anymore.
but i know that those cute texts rachel sent me, saved me from causing self destruction the other night.
and i know she won't read this.
but i love her so so much.
i'm glad i have her in my life
without her, i don't even know what would happen
& i dont care if people think i'm crazy for being this obsessed with cory
i'm an obsessive person
whatever.
no one understands how i feel about all that
and i'm sure no one is going to read this
& i'd rather they not
i'm just ranting and venting about nothing
and hoping that devon's dad or aunt doesn't come down stairs and be like WTF
& i'm hoping i can fall asleep
which won't happen for a while
& devon's couch is really small
& my arm kinda hurts from my tetnaus shot today
i got 2 shots
a blood test
& a drug test.
oh man
i don't know when i get the results.
whatever.
i'm going to try to sleep
& turn off the t.v.
not in that order.
whatever.