(no subject)
Tonight was the first night that everyone was all settled back in LHU, such a wonderful university. I finally got the majority of my stuff fixed and all. Organization is always key for getting to know where your stuff is. I never believe people when they tell me they can find anything in their rooms which looks roughly like a few hurricanes came through. But hey, let em think that...
Nostalgia is one of my worse qualities. I happen to immerse myself in it, despite the terrible wrenching feeling I get in my gut from facing the past. Everytime I see an old letter, note, picture, or journal from someone I used to talk to, I hate myself for the decision to "open the box." I like to leave the past where it is and just accept that it has shaped me, but some part of me tortures me into viewing it and remembering it. Like my friend Mindy's journal, I go to it like once or twice a month. I never talk to her, but once we were best friends, so long ago. But she abandoned me for new friends. Yet I struggle to hold on to that memory of our closeness. I had to let one of my closest friends go the other day. She had changed into someone I no longer could like, and I didn't want to be around for it. I like change, I really do, but when it comes to watching someone become one of "them," it twists you inside. That is why I really don't like the whole online thing, people can do the same thing. They come off as nice at first, cept for the ditzes, and then turn into something different.
Difference. Something else I am struggling with. I used to think I could be friends with just about any type of person, but now I find that anyone who happens to act ignorant or childish to be uninteresting. Yet I always realize these people create diversity, and recognize that as important. But I no longer can be around them without getting angry. Kinda tough huh? It's more or less the open-mindedness I think that counts here. I am hardly the type of person that follows any social context, I do whatever satisfies me and my curiosities. Which leads into me doing strange (to other people) things as well as showing virtually no inhibitions within life that cause people to avoid me like the plague. Mostly the ones that feel that doing something different than what they think is unacceptable, and makes you akin to a criminal. Yet, I manage to hold higher standards of morals than they believe in. And I don't even follow any moral standards. I have ceased to follow a wrong/right ideal, right or wrong need not exist for me to be happy. But I still follow what I believe makes ME happy and successful. Which makes a type of right or wrong by definition to apply to my rules of life, but generally dont make up my morals. So in the end, all I can say is that at the moment, I am getting eaten inside by this want to be friends with people I hate.
Sexuality is another issue I have come across, and this will be my question for the few that follow my journal on occasion. Is sex really worth waiting any amount of time for? I have a feeling I know most people in my list will say yes, and a few will say no. but in the wonderful country of the USA, most people just go out and fuck whoever. If its not sex, its some form thereof. It doesnt discriminate by any social group and covers all the spectrums but those who are straightedge. It's used over and over for all sorts of things. Whether its one of the beautiful people or the plain, all use it for something, whether it be to assure that they are beautiful, useful, or loved. Maybe its because its more or less an illusion to 99.9% of people that it bothers me, mostly because 100% of the people believe they are part of the .1% and that everyone else carry the illusion. Foolish right? Who knows...I don't know why I care, I suppose because so many people I know are unhappy, and the few happy ones are only happy so long as they can have what they want, which never lasts for long. Probably why I can easily see who's relationships will fail and whos won't. Of course, since just about everyone's relationships inevitably fail, I guess it's obvious for anyone, cept it isn't. But one thing I have discovered is this: Everyone wants their partner to be monogamous, yet they like the idea of fucking the people that are much hotter than their partner in fantasy (i.e. celebrities, local jocks/cheerleaders, etc.). It breaks every relationship, because this parody of an instinct makes at least one person go out and cheat or give up the relationship for the next "better" person. Sillyness, and it's owed to american culture.
Well, this post is over. By the way, prizes go to whoever can find a spelling error in this post.
Nostalgia is one of my worse qualities. I happen to immerse myself in it, despite the terrible wrenching feeling I get in my gut from facing the past. Everytime I see an old letter, note, picture, or journal from someone I used to talk to, I hate myself for the decision to "open the box." I like to leave the past where it is and just accept that it has shaped me, but some part of me tortures me into viewing it and remembering it. Like my friend Mindy's journal, I go to it like once or twice a month. I never talk to her, but once we were best friends, so long ago. But she abandoned me for new friends. Yet I struggle to hold on to that memory of our closeness. I had to let one of my closest friends go the other day. She had changed into someone I no longer could like, and I didn't want to be around for it. I like change, I really do, but when it comes to watching someone become one of "them," it twists you inside. That is why I really don't like the whole online thing, people can do the same thing. They come off as nice at first, cept for the ditzes, and then turn into something different.
Difference. Something else I am struggling with. I used to think I could be friends with just about any type of person, but now I find that anyone who happens to act ignorant or childish to be uninteresting. Yet I always realize these people create diversity, and recognize that as important. But I no longer can be around them without getting angry. Kinda tough huh? It's more or less the open-mindedness I think that counts here. I am hardly the type of person that follows any social context, I do whatever satisfies me and my curiosities. Which leads into me doing strange (to other people) things as well as showing virtually no inhibitions within life that cause people to avoid me like the plague. Mostly the ones that feel that doing something different than what they think is unacceptable, and makes you akin to a criminal. Yet, I manage to hold higher standards of morals than they believe in. And I don't even follow any moral standards. I have ceased to follow a wrong/right ideal, right or wrong need not exist for me to be happy. But I still follow what I believe makes ME happy and successful. Which makes a type of right or wrong by definition to apply to my rules of life, but generally dont make up my morals. So in the end, all I can say is that at the moment, I am getting eaten inside by this want to be friends with people I hate.
Sexuality is another issue I have come across, and this will be my question for the few that follow my journal on occasion. Is sex really worth waiting any amount of time for? I have a feeling I know most people in my list will say yes, and a few will say no. but in the wonderful country of the USA, most people just go out and fuck whoever. If its not sex, its some form thereof. It doesnt discriminate by any social group and covers all the spectrums but those who are straightedge. It's used over and over for all sorts of things. Whether its one of the beautiful people or the plain, all use it for something, whether it be to assure that they are beautiful, useful, or loved. Maybe its because its more or less an illusion to 99.9% of people that it bothers me, mostly because 100% of the people believe they are part of the .1% and that everyone else carry the illusion. Foolish right? Who knows...I don't know why I care, I suppose because so many people I know are unhappy, and the few happy ones are only happy so long as they can have what they want, which never lasts for long. Probably why I can easily see who's relationships will fail and whos won't. Of course, since just about everyone's relationships inevitably fail, I guess it's obvious for anyone, cept it isn't. But one thing I have discovered is this: Everyone wants their partner to be monogamous, yet they like the idea of fucking the people that are much hotter than their partner in fantasy (i.e. celebrities, local jocks/cheerleaders, etc.). It breaks every relationship, because this parody of an instinct makes at least one person go out and cheat or give up the relationship for the next "better" person. Sillyness, and it's owed to american culture.
Well, this post is over. By the way, prizes go to whoever can find a spelling error in this post.