This one is so easy for me because for the past 8 years of my life I have been engrossed in the book "drawing blood" by poppy z. brite. I most identify with the character trevor black. Trevor was an innocent little boy who had an artistic gift. One day trevors dad killed his mom and his brother and then himself and left trevor all alone in the world. He grew up feeling unloved and unwanted because he was an orphan. NOw my circumstances are slighlty different. NOone in my family murdered anyone else but I was abandoned. I was taken in by my grandmother and even though my child hood wasn't like an orphanage I still felt unwanted and unimportant. Like I was a burden and they were doing me a favor. And that I wasn't there because I was loved. So trevor he travels around the country listening to charlie parker (which I love) and drinking coffee obessivily (which I do) and he is so scared of other humans that he is afriad to even be touched. There is a particular scene where he is in the scared yew and he starts sobbing when kensy hummingbird realizes that he is robert mcgees song and trevor starts sobbing and kensy trys to touch him and trevor flinches. and yells "don't touch me" and kinsey he realizes that this boy needs to be touched more than anything but is so unfamiliar with other humans that he doens' tnow how to let himself be touched so kinsey wraps his arms around trevor and squeezes him until he gives in and sobs like a babe in kinsys arsm. Thats me. thats how i am. I want to be touched more than anything but I"m scared to death to be that vulnerable. My entire life and everything that i am is a raw nerve and I'm scared to be close but its all i really need and want. Trevor was a self injurer and had scars all up and down his arm. Zach another character in the book looked over at trevors arms and thought "he had to put some on the out side to match the ones on the inside" thus describing perfectly my motivation for all of my years as a self injurer... further more trevor feels this intense need to go back to the home where his father murdered his mother and brother and himself because 'all artists go back to the place that both created and destroyed them"
and thats how i am. I need to get comfortable with my demons in order to really discover my true self. I see with the sam eye trevor saw with. eternally exploring and attempting to memorize everything I see so that I'll never forget. He is so much like me that its scary.
further more if i ever see my mom again.. I'll say this to her. which is a quote trevor yells into the empty house of his youth.. (to his dead father)
"why did you leave? did you think my life would turn out good?Or did you see all the pain and wish it on me anyway?
furthermore.. I really hope to someday fine my zach. I really want to understand the depth of trevors thoughts "Love is about trusting someone not to hurt you even if your sure they will"
drawing blood is an excellant book but it has a huge gay sex scene which scares alot of people away from it. and its a horror book but not scary to me at all.
well by way of horror this book has a couple of mildly gross scene but it isn't scary in anyway. Its still amazing. the most amazing. Ever. In my opinion. But scary its not.
Poppy z. brite gets compared to anne rice alot and fucking hate that. Anne rice is boring as hell. and uses 30 pages to say. "he took a piss" she goes on and on about absolutly nothing just to fill up pages and sound smart. Poppy pulls you in with incredible imagery and makes anne rice seem like a prude. I <3 that about her.
and thats how i am. I need to get comfortable with my demons in order to really discover my true self. I see with the sam eye trevor saw with. eternally exploring and attempting to memorize everything I see so that I'll never forget. He is so much like me that its scary.
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"why did you leave? did you think my life would turn out good?Or did you see all the pain and wish it on me anyway?
furthermore.. I really hope to someday fine my zach. I really want to understand the depth of trevors thoughts "Love is about trusting someone not to hurt you even if your sure they will"
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i need to see more books.....
time, time......
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Poppy z. brite gets compared to anne rice alot and fucking hate that. Anne rice is boring as hell. and uses 30 pages to say. "he took a piss" she goes on and on about absolutly nothing just to fill up pages and sound smart. Poppy pulls you in with incredible imagery and makes anne rice seem like a prude. I <3 that about her.
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