Fashion
I've decided it's time for a change. My entires have become so tedious that I almost fall asleep whilst writing them, so god knows why anyone would want to read them!
I think I'm at my best when writing about completely pointless, irrelevant crap, rather than saying "Today I did this and this and this." So, whenever I have the time and the inclination, I am going to pick a topic and write about it in a sarcastic way. A bit like a magazine column, only far less glamourous and with no pay...
To start me off, today's topic is:
FASHION
What *is* fashion, anyway? Who decides what is going to be fashionable? Is there some kind of 'fashion god' sitting up in the clouds declaring, "this month, you will mostly be wearing....LEGGINGS!" If so, they must be having a right laugh at the moment. To start with, everyone seems to be drooling over leopard print. I really only have one word to sum up this trend: WHY??? It's ugly, it looks cheap, it's not even original any more because everyone in the world (including people over 40, which is the most disturbing thing of all) are proudly parading round the streets wearing it in every conceivable colour. I saw a girl yesterday wearing high heeled green leopard print shoes. I am not joking. She looking like a hooker who had stepped in a pool of luminous green vomit.
Much as I hate leopard print, at least it doesn't automatically make your figure look ugly (well, depending on the cut of the clothes.) A couple of years ago I had a rant about the abundance of 'pregnancy tops', with so much extra material that, for all you knew, the wearer could be anything from hideously anorexic to 8 months pregnant - and you couldn't tell! As someone who has a waist and is quite keen to avoid any confusion about whether or not I am with child, there was a miserable period of a good month or two where I was unable to buy ANY tops from the high street, because they all made me look like a heiffer.
Similarly, at the moment there seems to be a fashion for baby doll dresses and smock tops. They make you look like you are wearing a SACK! Seriously, I might as well just go and buy a pack of bin bags, cut a hole in the top and put one over my head. In fact, that's quite an idea, and would save me the £35 it costs to buy one in Miss Selfridge. Hmm...
As you may have guessed, I am not one of those people who follows fashion trends religiously. However, with the advent of Primark, I have started become a bit more fickle as I can now afford to buy something, wear it for a few weeks, then bin it as soon as it becomes 'uncool'. I am proud to say I do not own a single item of leopard print, but I must admit that I finally caved in and bought some 'skinny jeans'. This occurred after months of whingeing about how they made every woman's thighs look absolutely enormous. In my defence, though, I refuse to wear them without my knee high boots, because they balance out the shape and avoid making me looking like I've stuffed my legs into a blue sausage skin. I have also given in to the trend of nasty cheap plastic beads, and am now the proud owner of tacky strings of them in purple, blue, yellow, pink, pearl, black and brown.
Anyway, I must go now, as I'm off into town to buy a jumper which will make me look like my Gran.
Til next time.
I think I'm at my best when writing about completely pointless, irrelevant crap, rather than saying "Today I did this and this and this." So, whenever I have the time and the inclination, I am going to pick a topic and write about it in a sarcastic way. A bit like a magazine column, only far less glamourous and with no pay...
To start me off, today's topic is:
FASHION
What *is* fashion, anyway? Who decides what is going to be fashionable? Is there some kind of 'fashion god' sitting up in the clouds declaring, "this month, you will mostly be wearing....LEGGINGS!" If so, they must be having a right laugh at the moment. To start with, everyone seems to be drooling over leopard print. I really only have one word to sum up this trend: WHY??? It's ugly, it looks cheap, it's not even original any more because everyone in the world (including people over 40, which is the most disturbing thing of all) are proudly parading round the streets wearing it in every conceivable colour. I saw a girl yesterday wearing high heeled green leopard print shoes. I am not joking. She looking like a hooker who had stepped in a pool of luminous green vomit.
Much as I hate leopard print, at least it doesn't automatically make your figure look ugly (well, depending on the cut of the clothes.) A couple of years ago I had a rant about the abundance of 'pregnancy tops', with so much extra material that, for all you knew, the wearer could be anything from hideously anorexic to 8 months pregnant - and you couldn't tell! As someone who has a waist and is quite keen to avoid any confusion about whether or not I am with child, there was a miserable period of a good month or two where I was unable to buy ANY tops from the high street, because they all made me look like a heiffer.
Similarly, at the moment there seems to be a fashion for baby doll dresses and smock tops. They make you look like you are wearing a SACK! Seriously, I might as well just go and buy a pack of bin bags, cut a hole in the top and put one over my head. In fact, that's quite an idea, and would save me the £35 it costs to buy one in Miss Selfridge. Hmm...
As you may have guessed, I am not one of those people who follows fashion trends religiously. However, with the advent of Primark, I have started become a bit more fickle as I can now afford to buy something, wear it for a few weeks, then bin it as soon as it becomes 'uncool'. I am proud to say I do not own a single item of leopard print, but I must admit that I finally caved in and bought some 'skinny jeans'. This occurred after months of whingeing about how they made every woman's thighs look absolutely enormous. In my defence, though, I refuse to wear them without my knee high boots, because they balance out the shape and avoid making me looking like I've stuffed my legs into a blue sausage skin. I have also given in to the trend of nasty cheap plastic beads, and am now the proud owner of tacky strings of them in purple, blue, yellow, pink, pearl, black and brown.
Anyway, I must go now, as I'm off into town to buy a jumper which will make me look like my Gran.
Til next time.