(no subject)
Alright, I got pretty sick of having "justabadmistake" as a lj name. It's just too negative. I've decided to turn over a new leaf and get back to the old Jessie that everyone loved. I read something today and it hit me real hard. "I shake my head and laugh at my disbelief of the person I once was...The me I used to be. I miss the old me. I was actually happy with myself and honestly, I just am not too happy with who I.
I re-read a letter Anna sent me over the summer about how she misses the Jessie that didn't care about what anyone thought, and I realized that I was so proud of myself at one point because I never cared what anyone thought about me. Its hard to believe that once upon a time, I actually liked who I was. So now it's time for me to go back to being that person. No more caring what people think of me, no more changing myself to please others, and no more need to be loved by everyone. If you don't like me, then fine. I'll deal with it. Either you like me for me, or just forget it cuz I'm so sick of trying to please EVERYONE.
This also means that I'm going back to the days where I don't sit in my room and just cry for hours about every little thing that gets me down. There will be absolutely NO cutting myself anymore. I've realized it's a selfish thing to do and I was not only hurting myself, but other people who cared about me. Also, no more suicidal thoughts...and no more listening to songs about suicide when I'm really upset. I'm gonna try my hardest to get better and not let things get me down so badly.
I've already started changing back to the old me and I can already tell a lot of people are liking it. I'm getting along much better with Dave and Evan. We're actually back to the "Ms. Dodge" days...when we were SO insanely close. I thought I lost Neal and Chris for awhile, but now that I'm somewhat back to how I was, we're pretty good friends again. I really hope this will be a good thing. But I'm trying to be who I want to be... to be the person that I actually don't mind being.
Well I guess thats all I really have to say for now. If I update, its gonna be in this livejournal. Alright, I love you! ;)
So here's the truth, you were right along
They were never my friends and I was living a lie
But I won't fall for it next time
You figured me out like a leaf in the wing
I try to find who I am but mind up lost in the end
Sometimes its hard to know what's real when you're not
Cuz u know i change myself to impress whoever happens to be next to me
But I'm sick of trying so hard
I re-read a letter Anna sent me over the summer about how she misses the Jessie that didn't care about what anyone thought, and I realized that I was so proud of myself at one point because I never cared what anyone thought about me. Its hard to believe that once upon a time, I actually liked who I was. So now it's time for me to go back to being that person. No more caring what people think of me, no more changing myself to please others, and no more need to be loved by everyone. If you don't like me, then fine. I'll deal with it. Either you like me for me, or just forget it cuz I'm so sick of trying to please EVERYONE.
This also means that I'm going back to the days where I don't sit in my room and just cry for hours about every little thing that gets me down. There will be absolutely NO cutting myself anymore. I've realized it's a selfish thing to do and I was not only hurting myself, but other people who cared about me. Also, no more suicidal thoughts...and no more listening to songs about suicide when I'm really upset. I'm gonna try my hardest to get better and not let things get me down so badly.
I've already started changing back to the old me and I can already tell a lot of people are liking it. I'm getting along much better with Dave and Evan. We're actually back to the "Ms. Dodge" days...when we were SO insanely close. I thought I lost Neal and Chris for awhile, but now that I'm somewhat back to how I was, we're pretty good friends again. I really hope this will be a good thing. But I'm trying to be who I want to be... to be the person that I actually don't mind being.
Well I guess thats all I really have to say for now. If I update, its gonna be in this livejournal. Alright, I love you! ;)
So here's the truth, you were right along
They were never my friends and I was living a lie
But I won't fall for it next time
You figured me out like a leaf in the wing
I try to find who I am but mind up lost in the end
Sometimes its hard to know what's real when you're not
Cuz u know i change myself to impress whoever happens to be next to me
But I'm sick of trying so hard