(no subject)
As usual I turn to livejournal when I'm frustrated or down or otherwise experiencing some persistent negative emotion... so fair warning this entry will be whiny.
I've been dating the same girl for a year now. That's a new record for me. I didn't think I was capable of being loved for the longest time, most people reading this will remember how uuhhh... unhealthy whatever I had with Lauren was. I was very wary of any type of relationship, and I enjoyed my bachelor lifestyle. But hey I'm no kid anymore, and when I met Erin she seemed perfect. She told me she liked to read and she seemed like a bright girl with a bright future, from a regular middle class family. What more could a guy ask for?
She too had a pretty crazy past, ex bf not the best guy in town, and well she had a daughter. I tell ya I was pretty torn, because she seemed like a really great girl, but I didn't know if I could, or should get involved in a relationship that involved a child. There is a lot of responsibility that comes with being a mom's boyfriend. And as Katie pointed out to me not so long ago, as the boyfriend, I have no defined role in that child's life. I'm caught in some weird limbo land, and I can never come out on top. But I didn't know any of this, and I decided that it wasn't fair to punish Erin because she had a child, and we started dating.
I fell for the little girl pretty fast too, and we all spent a lot of time together. In the last year I lost my job, found a new one, started school, lost my grandmother, my best friend, nearly lost my house, and have done more growing up than I thought possible. I actually feel like an adult now. I'm here, I know who I am. Those turbulent teenage years are behind me, I have a life now, with a woman, and a baby, and ya know, at first it was really good. I could look at my life and say I'm lucky to be here, I'm lucky to have someone who would stand by me through all this.
The trouble came when things leveled out. We use to rely on each other, and things were pretty even. I worked hard to straighten out the problems in my life. I found another job, I worked hard and am doing really well in school. I sacrificed a car because I wanted braces, and was willing to take the bus for a year or two. I had set up my life and made some considerable sacrifices so that I could have the type of life I wanted in the future. I want to have a degree, and that takes a lot of work. I'm in my mid twenties, no one's gonna hold my hand and do it for me ya know? I don't have any problems with this mind you, I just want to paint a picture for those of you who i've lost touch with.
Erin too has begun going to school. We both go to good ol' Quincy College. Not exactly an Ivy League University, but hey gotta start somewhere right? Well on top of doing my homework, going to work, taking care of myself, and doing all the things I need to do to get through the day, I started helping Erin out. I'm pretty lucky, I'm a smart guy. Academically I've always been pretty strong, but I understand that not everyone is so lucky. Erin seemed smart, so when she started to struggle I didn't mind helping out.
Two things became apparent very quickly, one, I wasn't so much helping as I was doing, and two, no matter how many times I tried to give her tips like, "don't use words you don't understand" she continued to do things that were downright... stupid. She seemed to be flat out ignoring every piece of advice I'd given her. She'd spent hours writing a single page, and when I proof read it I'd be so frustrated I'd end up doing the whole damn assignment.
It's become pretty apparent that she's begun to rely on me for everything. Not just homework but stupid things, and big things. She's starting to act like it's my job to do her favors, and to take her out to dinner, and pay for everything. I don't mind paying mot of the time. I don't mind taking her out, and I don't mind staying in most weekends if she can't find a babysitter. I also don't mind if she gets invited out and goes out without me. She's entitled to her own life, and I'm glad she has friends, even if I don't necessarily get along with them all.
But she seems to mind if I go out on my own. Even if I invite her and she says no, I'm suppose to know when she's not being honest somehow. I've had this problem a few times now. The first major fight was when I went to providence to go clubbing. I invited her days before. I am not the club type, but I thought it might be fun, and my friends were going so I decided to tag along.
She was invited but was on the fence about it. She ended up inviting her friend over and they had a girls night type of thing. It ended up sucking, and she called me to come pick her and her friend up. I was already half way to providence, and Tim was driving. She actually expected me to demand they turn around! There was no way that was gonna happen, she had the chance to go, I asked her 100 times. I'm sorry that her plans ended up sucking, but I was already gone. And it wasn't just me, it was me and a group of people who waited all week to go out and do this. All of us work fulltime jobs, go to school, have all types of responsibilities, and we planned this trip in advance like adults do. She flipped out, called me selfish.
A few weeks later we were invited to go hangout with friends of mine in Stoughton. We were gonna sit in gabby's hot tun and relax. She didn't want to go because if people aren't getting drunk or high, she thinks its lame. I asked her if she wanted me to ditch them and just hangout with her, i asked her over the course of an entire day. She told me not to worry, just to go, and we'd hang out the next day. Sweet deal. I get out of work, did whatever I did for a while, and headed down here at like 10. Half way there I get a text, then another, and then about 10 more from Erin, screaming at me, accusing me of ditching her! How the hell did I ditch her?!
I ignored her, she's out of her damn mind. But she wouldn't leave me alone. She called, she texted, she accused me of cheating. We ended up breaking up that weekend. While I was upset I got over it. Somehow we ended up back together. It's been 2 weeks now, and ya know what, its been one fight after the other.
I'm not perfect but I just don't see how I did or have done anything wrong. She gets mad at me cuz she says we don't hang out enough. I say ok lets hangout tomorrow, nope she has to study. Next day how come we don't hangout anymore?!
We hungout yesterday for a while. I'd been talking to my buddy joe about doing something. Erin was more than invited, I practically begged her to go because she's always saying that she never gets to go out. She ends up falling asleep around 1030. Joe shows up at Erin's house at 1145, an I wake erin up, ask her to come. Are you sure you don't wanna come I say, positive? Sure your not gonna change your mind Erin? Because I'm not coming back, I want to go have a margarita with the guys. She knows I don't drink and drive. No go she says, it's late, i'm tired.
Not 10 minutes later she accusing me of ditching her! She was friggin asleep! I could have left without even mentioning it to her. She was fucking invited! She spends the next 30 minutes texting and calling me. I told her that if she wanted to come out, i'd come get her, but she'd have to stay at my house. I'm not driving back and forth that many times, and if I have to drive her home I wouldn't be able to drink. She yells at me why can't Joe drive me home? As if it's suddenly his responsibility to drive her home. Not only does she want me to come pick her up, but she expects a ride back too. Even though she could have just come out in the first damn place.
I refused to even ask joe. He's a plumber, he's been up since 4am and is honestly hanging out with me as a favor. There's no way I'm gonna ask him to go to Erin's house, which he too just left, to pick her up, then go back, and turn around and drive himself back to Quincy where he lives. Ain't no way. It's just not fair. Somehow she can't see that.
Today she calls me, after having texted me all night, telling me I'm a dick, and how much I suck. She threatens to break up with me. wtf why do I care? I spend last weekend at her dads house waiting for the comcast guy, so she could go take the baby to a birthday party. I sat there for 4 hours. 4 hours of my saturday that I could have spent doing anything else, I spent doing her family a favor. Her dad was in prison for strangling his gf nearly to death. He needed a phone line installed so he could be placed on house arrest. When her mom finally shows up to pick me up, no thank you, just a take quick did you feed the dogs?
And she wants to tell me I don't do anything for her? On new years I rented a hotel room and we ran away to the cape with her damn friends. They argued the entire night. I paid for everything, our half of the room, all the food, all the drinks, everything. I drove us there, I drove us back. I've done so much over the last year, spent dozens of nights in the house with her because she didn't have a babysitter. I could have been out having fun, but no i stayed in. I've even babysat for her so she could go out. And she wants to give me crap about going out once in a while without her, and only without her because she said she didn't want to come?!
Screw that.
Why would I want to date someone like that? All she does is smoke weed and bitch. She bitches about the job I have, the clothes I wear, the friends I have. She bitches about the classes I take and she bitches when I do better than her. She tells me I don't do anything for her, and then when I point out the things I do she says I don't have to rub it in her face. It's impossible, she can't be made happy. She's her own worst enemy. Nothing anyone does is ever good enough. Like my good friend Tracy says, she's the type of person you bake cookies for and she says "what no milk?"
So let her dump me. I've been single before, I'm sure I'll survive.
Mark
I've been dating the same girl for a year now. That's a new record for me. I didn't think I was capable of being loved for the longest time, most people reading this will remember how uuhhh... unhealthy whatever I had with Lauren was. I was very wary of any type of relationship, and I enjoyed my bachelor lifestyle. But hey I'm no kid anymore, and when I met Erin she seemed perfect. She told me she liked to read and she seemed like a bright girl with a bright future, from a regular middle class family. What more could a guy ask for?
She too had a pretty crazy past, ex bf not the best guy in town, and well she had a daughter. I tell ya I was pretty torn, because she seemed like a really great girl, but I didn't know if I could, or should get involved in a relationship that involved a child. There is a lot of responsibility that comes with being a mom's boyfriend. And as Katie pointed out to me not so long ago, as the boyfriend, I have no defined role in that child's life. I'm caught in some weird limbo land, and I can never come out on top. But I didn't know any of this, and I decided that it wasn't fair to punish Erin because she had a child, and we started dating.
I fell for the little girl pretty fast too, and we all spent a lot of time together. In the last year I lost my job, found a new one, started school, lost my grandmother, my best friend, nearly lost my house, and have done more growing up than I thought possible. I actually feel like an adult now. I'm here, I know who I am. Those turbulent teenage years are behind me, I have a life now, with a woman, and a baby, and ya know, at first it was really good. I could look at my life and say I'm lucky to be here, I'm lucky to have someone who would stand by me through all this.
The trouble came when things leveled out. We use to rely on each other, and things were pretty even. I worked hard to straighten out the problems in my life. I found another job, I worked hard and am doing really well in school. I sacrificed a car because I wanted braces, and was willing to take the bus for a year or two. I had set up my life and made some considerable sacrifices so that I could have the type of life I wanted in the future. I want to have a degree, and that takes a lot of work. I'm in my mid twenties, no one's gonna hold my hand and do it for me ya know? I don't have any problems with this mind you, I just want to paint a picture for those of you who i've lost touch with.
Erin too has begun going to school. We both go to good ol' Quincy College. Not exactly an Ivy League University, but hey gotta start somewhere right? Well on top of doing my homework, going to work, taking care of myself, and doing all the things I need to do to get through the day, I started helping Erin out. I'm pretty lucky, I'm a smart guy. Academically I've always been pretty strong, but I understand that not everyone is so lucky. Erin seemed smart, so when she started to struggle I didn't mind helping out.
Two things became apparent very quickly, one, I wasn't so much helping as I was doing, and two, no matter how many times I tried to give her tips like, "don't use words you don't understand" she continued to do things that were downright... stupid. She seemed to be flat out ignoring every piece of advice I'd given her. She'd spent hours writing a single page, and when I proof read it I'd be so frustrated I'd end up doing the whole damn assignment.
It's become pretty apparent that she's begun to rely on me for everything. Not just homework but stupid things, and big things. She's starting to act like it's my job to do her favors, and to take her out to dinner, and pay for everything. I don't mind paying mot of the time. I don't mind taking her out, and I don't mind staying in most weekends if she can't find a babysitter. I also don't mind if she gets invited out and goes out without me. She's entitled to her own life, and I'm glad she has friends, even if I don't necessarily get along with them all.
But she seems to mind if I go out on my own. Even if I invite her and she says no, I'm suppose to know when she's not being honest somehow. I've had this problem a few times now. The first major fight was when I went to providence to go clubbing. I invited her days before. I am not the club type, but I thought it might be fun, and my friends were going so I decided to tag along.
She was invited but was on the fence about it. She ended up inviting her friend over and they had a girls night type of thing. It ended up sucking, and she called me to come pick her and her friend up. I was already half way to providence, and Tim was driving. She actually expected me to demand they turn around! There was no way that was gonna happen, she had the chance to go, I asked her 100 times. I'm sorry that her plans ended up sucking, but I was already gone. And it wasn't just me, it was me and a group of people who waited all week to go out and do this. All of us work fulltime jobs, go to school, have all types of responsibilities, and we planned this trip in advance like adults do. She flipped out, called me selfish.
A few weeks later we were invited to go hangout with friends of mine in Stoughton. We were gonna sit in gabby's hot tun and relax. She didn't want to go because if people aren't getting drunk or high, she thinks its lame. I asked her if she wanted me to ditch them and just hangout with her, i asked her over the course of an entire day. She told me not to worry, just to go, and we'd hang out the next day. Sweet deal. I get out of work, did whatever I did for a while, and headed down here at like 10. Half way there I get a text, then another, and then about 10 more from Erin, screaming at me, accusing me of ditching her! How the hell did I ditch her?!
I ignored her, she's out of her damn mind. But she wouldn't leave me alone. She called, she texted, she accused me of cheating. We ended up breaking up that weekend. While I was upset I got over it. Somehow we ended up back together. It's been 2 weeks now, and ya know what, its been one fight after the other.
I'm not perfect but I just don't see how I did or have done anything wrong. She gets mad at me cuz she says we don't hang out enough. I say ok lets hangout tomorrow, nope she has to study. Next day how come we don't hangout anymore?!
We hungout yesterday for a while. I'd been talking to my buddy joe about doing something. Erin was more than invited, I practically begged her to go because she's always saying that she never gets to go out. She ends up falling asleep around 1030. Joe shows up at Erin's house at 1145, an I wake erin up, ask her to come. Are you sure you don't wanna come I say, positive? Sure your not gonna change your mind Erin? Because I'm not coming back, I want to go have a margarita with the guys. She knows I don't drink and drive. No go she says, it's late, i'm tired.
Not 10 minutes later she accusing me of ditching her! She was friggin asleep! I could have left without even mentioning it to her. She was fucking invited! She spends the next 30 minutes texting and calling me. I told her that if she wanted to come out, i'd come get her, but she'd have to stay at my house. I'm not driving back and forth that many times, and if I have to drive her home I wouldn't be able to drink. She yells at me why can't Joe drive me home? As if it's suddenly his responsibility to drive her home. Not only does she want me to come pick her up, but she expects a ride back too. Even though she could have just come out in the first damn place.
I refused to even ask joe. He's a plumber, he's been up since 4am and is honestly hanging out with me as a favor. There's no way I'm gonna ask him to go to Erin's house, which he too just left, to pick her up, then go back, and turn around and drive himself back to Quincy where he lives. Ain't no way. It's just not fair. Somehow she can't see that.
Today she calls me, after having texted me all night, telling me I'm a dick, and how much I suck. She threatens to break up with me. wtf why do I care? I spend last weekend at her dads house waiting for the comcast guy, so she could go take the baby to a birthday party. I sat there for 4 hours. 4 hours of my saturday that I could have spent doing anything else, I spent doing her family a favor. Her dad was in prison for strangling his gf nearly to death. He needed a phone line installed so he could be placed on house arrest. When her mom finally shows up to pick me up, no thank you, just a take quick did you feed the dogs?
And she wants to tell me I don't do anything for her? On new years I rented a hotel room and we ran away to the cape with her damn friends. They argued the entire night. I paid for everything, our half of the room, all the food, all the drinks, everything. I drove us there, I drove us back. I've done so much over the last year, spent dozens of nights in the house with her because she didn't have a babysitter. I could have been out having fun, but no i stayed in. I've even babysat for her so she could go out. And she wants to give me crap about going out once in a while without her, and only without her because she said she didn't want to come?!
Screw that.
Why would I want to date someone like that? All she does is smoke weed and bitch. She bitches about the job I have, the clothes I wear, the friends I have. She bitches about the classes I take and she bitches when I do better than her. She tells me I don't do anything for her, and then when I point out the things I do she says I don't have to rub it in her face. It's impossible, she can't be made happy. She's her own worst enemy. Nothing anyone does is ever good enough. Like my good friend Tracy says, she's the type of person you bake cookies for and she says "what no milk?"
So let her dump me. I've been single before, I'm sure I'll survive.
Mark