more family madness
I think I only write here when I'm pissed or upset about something, so it's probably good that I haven't written too much lately. But well I have another infuriating problem. Actually its the same old same old, and its so fucking maddening.
I'm 22 years old, most of my friends have graduated college at this point. I haven't even started. Whats the problem you might ask? Well in case we've never spoken, my mom will NOT fill out her part of the fucking fafsa. Different attempts have failed for various reasons.
But now, I happen to be in a position to take the best paramedic program this side of the country. The northeastern paramedic technologies certificate program. BUT, my mom won't fill out the fafsa. She keeps saying i'm lying to her, that she doesn't need to fill it out. She says I'm using her as an excuse to be a failure. She called me an asshole today. God I fucking hate her.
I showed her page after page of reasons provided by the school, by the government, and by other organizations that explain why she has to do it. She says that I'm 22 and im independent, so she shouldn't need to provide anything. She's been saying that since I turned 18. What she refuses to believe is that the college wants that info until your 24, regardless. She would basically have to die, or I would have to get married or have a Dependant child to qualify as independent. I showed her that, and she won't listen. I fucking hate her.
I'm still paying off thousands of dollars to Umass, I just paid 1600 for her fucking bowflex, I feel like she just keeps screwing me. Over and over again. All she keeps saying is that I won't take responsibility for myself, that I don't give her credit for all she's done for me! All she's done for me? Like what?! I didn't starve to death, and I had a shirt and a pair of pants growing up, so she's done her job? I think i've said this before, but just because life was hard for us all growing up, doesn't mean she deserves some kinda extra credit. She's spent her whole life saying how I was gonna go to school, and now here I am, I want to, im trying, I fill out applications every fucking semester, and every semester its the same thing. I would just take out loans, but without the fafsa the loans I can take are high interest deals, and with my terrible credit, courtesy of the bowflex, the rates are even higher.
I feel so hopeless sometimes. I spent all day today, trying to figure out how to afford this program. I just can't get enough in loans. I'm smart, hard working, downright tenacious, and I could do so much, and I feel like I'm wasting my life. I did well in HS, i was in honors and AP courses, I did very well in college, I want the chance to prove to everyone I'm not just some poor kid, that I am more than where I live. I've done so much for myself, I put myself through EMT school, I bought a car, completely on my own. I have no debts aside from the college one, I lived on my own, I'm an EMT for christ sakes, I saves lives every single day. I'm responsible and strong, and I feel so weak sometimes.
I feel like i just keep getting screwed. I've been trying to get braces for years. I hate my teeth, there disgusting. I feel like people see my teeth and think less of me. Its like tattooing I'm poor and ignorant on my forehead. Dental work is very expensive, even with dental insurance. I'm finally ready, my teeth are set, and my cavities are filled, that root canal taken care of, I can do it. Today, I got a bill in the mail for 252$ from aspen dental. Apparently, white fillings aren't covered by my insurance. Unfortunately, no one told me that there was even an option. All the dentist said was that they were 100% covered. As a matter of fact, when I got the fillings, I also had a tooth pulled, and I paid for "Everything" right then. 32$ for the tooth yank they said. I said thanks, and left. Now, I'm stuck paying for even more. The insurance says its their responsibility, the dentist says its mine.
today sucks.
~Mark
I'm 22 years old, most of my friends have graduated college at this point. I haven't even started. Whats the problem you might ask? Well in case we've never spoken, my mom will NOT fill out her part of the fucking fafsa. Different attempts have failed for various reasons.
But now, I happen to be in a position to take the best paramedic program this side of the country. The northeastern paramedic technologies certificate program. BUT, my mom won't fill out the fafsa. She keeps saying i'm lying to her, that she doesn't need to fill it out. She says I'm using her as an excuse to be a failure. She called me an asshole today. God I fucking hate her.
I showed her page after page of reasons provided by the school, by the government, and by other organizations that explain why she has to do it. She says that I'm 22 and im independent, so she shouldn't need to provide anything. She's been saying that since I turned 18. What she refuses to believe is that the college wants that info until your 24, regardless. She would basically have to die, or I would have to get married or have a Dependant child to qualify as independent. I showed her that, and she won't listen. I fucking hate her.
I'm still paying off thousands of dollars to Umass, I just paid 1600 for her fucking bowflex, I feel like she just keeps screwing me. Over and over again. All she keeps saying is that I won't take responsibility for myself, that I don't give her credit for all she's done for me! All she's done for me? Like what?! I didn't starve to death, and I had a shirt and a pair of pants growing up, so she's done her job? I think i've said this before, but just because life was hard for us all growing up, doesn't mean she deserves some kinda extra credit. She's spent her whole life saying how I was gonna go to school, and now here I am, I want to, im trying, I fill out applications every fucking semester, and every semester its the same thing. I would just take out loans, but without the fafsa the loans I can take are high interest deals, and with my terrible credit, courtesy of the bowflex, the rates are even higher.
I feel so hopeless sometimes. I spent all day today, trying to figure out how to afford this program. I just can't get enough in loans. I'm smart, hard working, downright tenacious, and I could do so much, and I feel like I'm wasting my life. I did well in HS, i was in honors and AP courses, I did very well in college, I want the chance to prove to everyone I'm not just some poor kid, that I am more than where I live. I've done so much for myself, I put myself through EMT school, I bought a car, completely on my own. I have no debts aside from the college one, I lived on my own, I'm an EMT for christ sakes, I saves lives every single day. I'm responsible and strong, and I feel so weak sometimes.
I feel like i just keep getting screwed. I've been trying to get braces for years. I hate my teeth, there disgusting. I feel like people see my teeth and think less of me. Its like tattooing I'm poor and ignorant on my forehead. Dental work is very expensive, even with dental insurance. I'm finally ready, my teeth are set, and my cavities are filled, that root canal taken care of, I can do it. Today, I got a bill in the mail for 252$ from aspen dental. Apparently, white fillings aren't covered by my insurance. Unfortunately, no one told me that there was even an option. All the dentist said was that they were 100% covered. As a matter of fact, when I got the fillings, I also had a tooth pulled, and I paid for "Everything" right then. 32$ for the tooth yank they said. I said thanks, and left. Now, I'm stuck paying for even more. The insurance says its their responsibility, the dentist says its mine.
today sucks.
~Mark