(no subject)
Life has been crazy. A lot of loss, a lot of questions, and far too few answers.
I lost a good friend. And I don't understand. I probably never will. She must be doing it for the same reason that anybody does anything, because like everyone in the world, we all strive to be happy. and apparently being my friend wasn't making her happy. I don't know when this happened, or how. I don't know how I'm going to cope with this, or get over this. I don't know if you ever really truly do get over the loss of someone who's had such an impact on your life. I wonder why things like this have to happen. Time goes by and I try to understand, try to find some rationalization for an act that seems so irrational to me. I think the simple fact is that there is no understanding to be had here. Sometimes the world just doesn't make any sense, and if you spend too much time trying to reason the unreasonable you'll go crazy.
I think its times like this that hope was made for. In this moment, when the impossible has become, and everything suddenly seems so empty. All I have left is hope. And I hope that she is happy. I may never understand exactly how, or exactly why, but I understand that everyone wants to be happy. And so I hope that this leads to happyness for everyone. I don't know how it will, I am so far from the end of the tunnel that I struggle just to remember what the warmth of the light feels like. But I hope, and I have faith, that its there somewhere. And I know that I can't spend my time looking back, because if I do I will never move forward. And every step is a step away from the safety of the warm embrace I once knew, that was torn from me against my will. But I can never go back to that, because it is no longer there. the only answer for me is forward. I don't know where it will lead, I don't know who I will be when I reach the end, and I don't know how long it will take. But I Know that it must be done.
And no doubt she thought the same things when she began her own walk, down a dark and lonely tunnel, and left me here alone, to walk my own path. And along the way we will both find someone to pass the time with. I hope she finds someone good, someone strong. Someone who can do what I could not. Someone who understands the things I could not. I hope she finds what she set out to find, whatever that may be. And I hope at the end of this journey I might catch a glimpse of her smiling face, and know that it was worth it. Because it made her happy, and thats what ive wanted all along. And if this helps, if this is what she has to do to be happy, then this pain is not wasted, and maybe this lonely tunnel isn't so alone. And maybe, just maybe, when we reach the end of our tunnels we'll find each other again. And we'll be happy.
I lost a good friend. And I don't understand. I probably never will. She must be doing it for the same reason that anybody does anything, because like everyone in the world, we all strive to be happy. and apparently being my friend wasn't making her happy. I don't know when this happened, or how. I don't know how I'm going to cope with this, or get over this. I don't know if you ever really truly do get over the loss of someone who's had such an impact on your life. I wonder why things like this have to happen. Time goes by and I try to understand, try to find some rationalization for an act that seems so irrational to me. I think the simple fact is that there is no understanding to be had here. Sometimes the world just doesn't make any sense, and if you spend too much time trying to reason the unreasonable you'll go crazy.
I think its times like this that hope was made for. In this moment, when the impossible has become, and everything suddenly seems so empty. All I have left is hope. And I hope that she is happy. I may never understand exactly how, or exactly why, but I understand that everyone wants to be happy. And so I hope that this leads to happyness for everyone. I don't know how it will, I am so far from the end of the tunnel that I struggle just to remember what the warmth of the light feels like. But I hope, and I have faith, that its there somewhere. And I know that I can't spend my time looking back, because if I do I will never move forward. And every step is a step away from the safety of the warm embrace I once knew, that was torn from me against my will. But I can never go back to that, because it is no longer there. the only answer for me is forward. I don't know where it will lead, I don't know who I will be when I reach the end, and I don't know how long it will take. But I Know that it must be done.
And no doubt she thought the same things when she began her own walk, down a dark and lonely tunnel, and left me here alone, to walk my own path. And along the way we will both find someone to pass the time with. I hope she finds someone good, someone strong. Someone who can do what I could not. Someone who understands the things I could not. I hope she finds what she set out to find, whatever that may be. And I hope at the end of this journey I might catch a glimpse of her smiling face, and know that it was worth it. Because it made her happy, and thats what ive wanted all along. And if this helps, if this is what she has to do to be happy, then this pain is not wasted, and maybe this lonely tunnel isn't so alone. And maybe, just maybe, when we reach the end of our tunnels we'll find each other again. And we'll be happy.