ok i quit
ya know, i wanted to write here about how awesome the Train concert was, and it truly was one of the best experiences of my life. But before I was even given the chance to sit back and enjoy this addition to my memory, life kicks me in the ass.
For those of you who don't remember what happened to me my first time through college, ill refresh your memory. I was accepted to Umass Boston, I was totally excited and did everything right, except one little tiny snafu, they wanted a copy of my moms tax return, which she told me she handed to them. Not only was this a blatant lie, but she didn't even file her taxes that year. Her excuse was, she lost her w-2 forms. She bold faced lied to me. So, here I go, off to school, assuming that I was being awarded all this financial aid, like ide been told was set aside for me, based on the information I'de given them, of course pending that it was true, which they would verify by checking out my moms tax return. So she says she sent it, they didn't say anything to me, and I attend class, only to be bitch smacked with a huge bill at the end of the semester. After countless trips to the fin aid office, turns out, my mom had yet even at this point, to even FILE her taxes, let alone provide them a copy of her tax return.
jump forward now, to my homecoming from NC, home to a rent free life, so i can save and recoup after my troubles in NC. I get my old job back and everything is going swimmingly. Until my mom announces that while I wont be paying rent, she expects me to voluntarily "contribute" to the house, somewhere around $200 a month. OK, not bad, except thats exactly what I was paying in NC!!!! Thats why I left! Thats why I came home! Except atleast out there, aside from being alone, I was ALONE! I had a huge room, I lived in a warm area, work sucked, and I didnt like the lifestyle, but its no better here. Atleast there I could go out every so often ya know? So despite that, I managed to save $550 to go towards an EMT class I need to take to be considered for the firefighter job I need to get, so that I can afford to go to school. Then my mom loses her car insurance. Now this is the point where I wish I just said too bad take the bus like everyone else, like she says to me on a daily basis, but instead, I LOAN her the money. The promise being that I would get it back in a timely manner.
Then I decide to apply to bridgewater. Just because. And I actually get in, and get a very nice fin aid package. I can go, no EMT class, no firefighter, I can and i WILL go to school. I'm so excited im in tears. I couldn't believe it, I really am gonna do it. Thank you God Oh thank you So much. Except one little problem, I need my moms tax return. She promises she'll do it, and I am so excited at the prospect that I will finally be able to move on with my life, that I don't even worry. Days go by, and nothing. She files my granny's taxes, but not her own. Then the truth comes out, she lost her w2, oh no wait, she didn't lose it, no she put it right here in the totally not random pile of papers, this one, right here, next to that pile of 300 white papers and behind that other pile of 300 identical white papers. Then it went missing, and she can't understand why. But its def not her fault. Oh no, not hers. Because she never loses anything, which by the way she actually said to me, and insuniated that I actually lost it, somehow, despite having never seen it, ever. I tell her, order a new one, do it now, today. She rants on and on about how she'll find it and its such a long process blah blah blah. Well now here we are. And I have exactly 1 day to get those papers in. And by the way, I am past the actual deadline, I called the fin aid department and told them, no begged them, for more time. She told me she would love to help me, but there are many other people waiting for these grants and awards and if I don't claim them, no matter how badly I want them, they go to these other people. Sorry kid.
She fucked me over again. That stupid heartless bitch. And she has the gaul, the nerve to scream at me, saying i'm putting to much pressure on her! ON HER! All I asked her to do, was her God DAmn TAXES! Which she's legall obligated to do, and then to provide proof of completion to what should be my school, so that I don't have to waste the rest of my life, living in a fucking apartment! So I don't have to work as CVS anymore! So I don't have to live the life she lived. Isn't this the idea, that children out do there parents, that they take the next step, every generation improving on the last?
Then to top it all off, I got fired. Yeah, i was gonna quit anyway, but now I have no reference. Thank you, yup I think ill go kill myself now.
Ya know, all I want, is what everyone else seems to have. I just want a chance. I'm not asking for anything special ya know? I just want toe chance to make it. I've tried so hard, I couldnt even get through high school, nope I got beat up so bad I miss my junior year, and while im away, wishing I were dead, everyone else is left believing that I actually beat up the girls, that beat me up. total lose lose situation. Somehow, I made it back. I worked so hard my senior year. I made up 2 years worth of work that year. Everyone else cruised through theres, not me. I went to summer school, I even took some classes after school, for history credits. It was so hard, everyday was a struggle. Its always like that. It just seems like sometimes I can't catch a break.
It's gotta be something I did. Maybe in a past life I was like some kinda crazy anti semetic child pornographer/puppy smothering jewel thief. I don't know. But it must have been some kinda heinous if this is how im paying for it. Maybe I was Hitler, and I made a deal with God, that if He sends me back and lets me experience all the pain I caused over the course of a few generations, I wont be sodomized with pineapples. Or maybe what they say is true. There are Have's and Have Nots, and I was just fortunate enough to be of the latter.
~Markis Dorkis
PS. Thanks filbert for talking to me tonight, you've saved my soul once again.
For those of you who don't remember what happened to me my first time through college, ill refresh your memory. I was accepted to Umass Boston, I was totally excited and did everything right, except one little tiny snafu, they wanted a copy of my moms tax return, which she told me she handed to them. Not only was this a blatant lie, but she didn't even file her taxes that year. Her excuse was, she lost her w-2 forms. She bold faced lied to me. So, here I go, off to school, assuming that I was being awarded all this financial aid, like ide been told was set aside for me, based on the information I'de given them, of course pending that it was true, which they would verify by checking out my moms tax return. So she says she sent it, they didn't say anything to me, and I attend class, only to be bitch smacked with a huge bill at the end of the semester. After countless trips to the fin aid office, turns out, my mom had yet even at this point, to even FILE her taxes, let alone provide them a copy of her tax return.
jump forward now, to my homecoming from NC, home to a rent free life, so i can save and recoup after my troubles in NC. I get my old job back and everything is going swimmingly. Until my mom announces that while I wont be paying rent, she expects me to voluntarily "contribute" to the house, somewhere around $200 a month. OK, not bad, except thats exactly what I was paying in NC!!!! Thats why I left! Thats why I came home! Except atleast out there, aside from being alone, I was ALONE! I had a huge room, I lived in a warm area, work sucked, and I didnt like the lifestyle, but its no better here. Atleast there I could go out every so often ya know? So despite that, I managed to save $550 to go towards an EMT class I need to take to be considered for the firefighter job I need to get, so that I can afford to go to school. Then my mom loses her car insurance. Now this is the point where I wish I just said too bad take the bus like everyone else, like she says to me on a daily basis, but instead, I LOAN her the money. The promise being that I would get it back in a timely manner.
Then I decide to apply to bridgewater. Just because. And I actually get in, and get a very nice fin aid package. I can go, no EMT class, no firefighter, I can and i WILL go to school. I'm so excited im in tears. I couldn't believe it, I really am gonna do it. Thank you God Oh thank you So much. Except one little problem, I need my moms tax return. She promises she'll do it, and I am so excited at the prospect that I will finally be able to move on with my life, that I don't even worry. Days go by, and nothing. She files my granny's taxes, but not her own. Then the truth comes out, she lost her w2, oh no wait, she didn't lose it, no she put it right here in the totally not random pile of papers, this one, right here, next to that pile of 300 white papers and behind that other pile of 300 identical white papers. Then it went missing, and she can't understand why. But its def not her fault. Oh no, not hers. Because she never loses anything, which by the way she actually said to me, and insuniated that I actually lost it, somehow, despite having never seen it, ever. I tell her, order a new one, do it now, today. She rants on and on about how she'll find it and its such a long process blah blah blah. Well now here we are. And I have exactly 1 day to get those papers in. And by the way, I am past the actual deadline, I called the fin aid department and told them, no begged them, for more time. She told me she would love to help me, but there are many other people waiting for these grants and awards and if I don't claim them, no matter how badly I want them, they go to these other people. Sorry kid.
She fucked me over again. That stupid heartless bitch. And she has the gaul, the nerve to scream at me, saying i'm putting to much pressure on her! ON HER! All I asked her to do, was her God DAmn TAXES! Which she's legall obligated to do, and then to provide proof of completion to what should be my school, so that I don't have to waste the rest of my life, living in a fucking apartment! So I don't have to work as CVS anymore! So I don't have to live the life she lived. Isn't this the idea, that children out do there parents, that they take the next step, every generation improving on the last?
Then to top it all off, I got fired. Yeah, i was gonna quit anyway, but now I have no reference. Thank you, yup I think ill go kill myself now.
Ya know, all I want, is what everyone else seems to have. I just want a chance. I'm not asking for anything special ya know? I just want toe chance to make it. I've tried so hard, I couldnt even get through high school, nope I got beat up so bad I miss my junior year, and while im away, wishing I were dead, everyone else is left believing that I actually beat up the girls, that beat me up. total lose lose situation. Somehow, I made it back. I worked so hard my senior year. I made up 2 years worth of work that year. Everyone else cruised through theres, not me. I went to summer school, I even took some classes after school, for history credits. It was so hard, everyday was a struggle. Its always like that. It just seems like sometimes I can't catch a break.
It's gotta be something I did. Maybe in a past life I was like some kinda crazy anti semetic child pornographer/puppy smothering jewel thief. I don't know. But it must have been some kinda heinous if this is how im paying for it. Maybe I was Hitler, and I made a deal with God, that if He sends me back and lets me experience all the pain I caused over the course of a few generations, I wont be sodomized with pineapples. Or maybe what they say is true. There are Have's and Have Nots, and I was just fortunate enough to be of the latter.
~Markis Dorkis
PS. Thanks filbert for talking to me tonight, you've saved my soul once again.