Thankful
I'm tired. I'm so tired of missing school all the time. This has been goin on my whole life. I get stressed out, I get tired. I get sick. Its a cycle, and I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of having migrains. I'm tired of always being a little behind. I'm tired of my father yelling at me about faking it, and making it up, I've never made up an illness in my life. I'm tired or being sick. I'm tired of the hospital visits. I'm tired of living at the doctor, I'm tired or teachers judging me and getting on my case about being in school. I'm tired or pain. The pain left for awhile but its coming back. I cannot accept this. I'm tired of not having time for church, I have time for God, but not church, which makes no sense. I'm involved in christian club, and I go on sundays unless I haven't had time to get all my homework done. I do daily devotions with the girls at school, I try to keep up in my prayer life but I need the fellowship. I need time that I don't have. And on that note I'm tired of people using priorities to guilt trip me about my lack of participation in church activities. I understand that you have to be involved and fellowship is important. But also, theatre is not just a side note for me. It is a huge part of my life, and it's what I do. It is what I am going to build a profession around, its what is gonna get me into college, its my future. Its like being in the navy, you do the assignments because you enlisted. I've enlisted in theatre. And CoSA is not just another school, it is 100% dedication all the time, shows every couple weeks, constant stress, preporation, homework, I have 12 classes total. And all of them assign homework, the other 3 are dance classes that stress me out. Its not what you think, and you can't understand until you are there. I get home around 7 every night, and then I do homework. I get about 4 hours of sleep a night. NOW THAT THATS OUT. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my friends. I'm thankful for the gifts God has blessed me with. My talents, my abilities, the reasons I am in CoSA. I am thankful for having CoSA and having a place to go, to learn the stuff I need, having an amazing art school. I am thankful for knowing Jesus Christ, and having that hope to cling to all the time. I am thankful both MY PARENTS ARE ALIVE. Every time I look at Erin I want to break down and cry for her, she's hurting so much, and it breaks my heart When she told us the other day I was able to be there a hug her and cry for her, and with ehr but I cant bring back her daddy. I can cherish my own. I am thankful I have parents who care about me. I am thankful my father loves me. I am thankful my parents are still together. I'm thankful my parents love each other. I'm thankful I have a church and a youth group where I fit in and feel comfortable. I am thankful I have a place to sleep, and a home. I am thankful for food. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for the money we do have. I am thankful for my disneyland pass. I am thankful for my brother, and I am thankful everyone in my family is saved. I am thankful for my friends, all of them. I am thankful I have people who love me. I am thankful that I have a bible, and know my bible and can read and study with my friends. I am thankful my school has a christian club. I am thankful for Melody, and that I have someone at CoSA with similar beliefs and values, to talk to and pray with and cry with when I need it. I am thankful for Rep Co. I am thankful for my ability to write. I am thankful for Dustin, and Heidi, and even Jared, though he drives me crazy sometimes. I am thankful that I have had a best friend who has never left or abandoned me, besides Jesus, for the last 13 years. I am thankful that I have a boy who loves me, as a person, as a friend, and completely as I am. That he cares about me, although it is a little physical, its mostly so much more. I am thankful I have someone who is christian, and loves Jesus, and spends tiem with God daily, and knows the scriptures pretty well. Who has overcome so much and attributes it entrely to Jesus Christ. I am thankful I have someone who is extremely gentle, and pure, more pure than many other christian boys I know. I am thankful for my values, my morals, and how God has kept me safe and pure despite the temptations to throw it all away. I am thankful for the number of times God has delivered me. I am thankful for the hope I can wake up with every morning. I am thankful that I am alive. I'm just thankful. Amen.