Binges. . .
So I seem to end up on these LJ binges where I write a zillion times in one week and then almost not at all for a month. Here I am, binging once more. So like I said before I finally talked to Andy!!! It was so amazing to hear his voice. I actually cried. It's been a while since I've let myself. It was more awkward than I thought it could/would be. There are issues that didn't get resolved and so it's hard to move in any direction. I pulled an all-nighter (well sort of I went to bed at 7am) and had a very necessary conversation/sharing time with a good friend. I've realized there's someone I will never let go of, and that's hard because I don't know if I'll every truly be able to move on. And I've realized that I'm like one of my fathers friends from college whom has ruined two marriages because they weren't in his 'plan'. I don't want to be like that, I just want to have an idea of what's going to happen in my life. I need to have some say in what happens. I seem to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to move forward but I'm unable to. He's so far away and no one can move forward when you can't even be together. But I can't let go of what we have/had he means too much to me. Maybe I'm just being a stupid girl but who knows.