(no subject)

Jun 07, 2005 01:58

i dont think ive ever felt so much anger as i have today...im ready to friggin explode. i mean i woke up at 1130 with kaitlyn & chris we do random activities untill 330, when then we went to cp...friggin yay, i met up with lauren, courtney, & all their friends. so i hung with them untill about 530. then i went and saw the rest of the lords of dogtown with kait & chris, then we snuck into the longest yard. then we aimlessly walked around cp untill about 1030. then i get home...now thats where the fun begins...im home so b4 even going upstairs i go straight to the computer, yay laurens on. so in taking courtneys advice (ask out lauren) i dont hesitate a second & bam! i ask her...then the most frightening thing is said "i was afraid ud say that"...my heart drops..."why afraid" i stupidly ask as if i didnt already know the answer, but its like when u hear something u dont want to hear so u say "what?" hopeing that what was said will magically change into something better. "i like you alot, but i just cant" is what she said...so now my head is ready to explode thinking that everything was going to be perfect & i might have been finally happy...but like a timebomb exploded my mind into pure chaos. i leave how i feel writin on my away message. & in desperate attempts to blind myself from the painful truth i call sam hoping she knows what i did wrong (because being the immature simpleton i am, i hadnt a clue) & nontheless sam is clueless as what the hell is going on just like i am. will someone please tell me where i went wrong?!!? and as the night progressed....i got a computer virus...yippy! apparently theres a computer viruse goin around that it appears as a friend sending u a link for a picture. mine was from josh saying "this person looks just like u :link" so i click the link...a window pops up...no picture...alright no problem the link was probably bad, but noooooo then my computer starts goin crazy & my aim starts sending that link to everyone on my buddy list. so people unaware of the virus do the same thing i did & it starts this whole big evil chain reaction. & people unaware that it wasnt my fault...NICOLE!!! start freaking blasting off on me saying "Y THE FUCK DID U SEND ME THAT VIRUS" (as if i intentionally sent it to everyone) being already in a oh so cheerful mood i went nuts...so basically my day goes:1130-tired, bored, bored, bored, excited, happy, happy, happy, confused, sad, depressed, angry, full out pissed off!-230 (note all the happy was when i was with lauren) so now here i am...sitting...every so often taking a typing break to clench my fists & grit my teeth listenin to depressing music & heavy metal...yay, oh and back tracking to the whole lauren thing. people stop telling me to get over her & that blah blah ull find someone else blah blah...ur waisting your breath. i guess i subconsciously enjoy the feeling of my heart being ripped out....i am not a happy camper...peace out
joe
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