(no subject)

[lifelessliex]

today was pretty fun.. this morning at 8:30 e went to diving practice & there's a meet on monday but me & emmy don't have to compete. erin, kacee, kaitlyn & bree have to though. :] but this morning i did pretty bad, except i got my line-up for the first time without doing a belly flop. ;D yayyy. cos those hurt & i have like 3 bruises from them. but anyway, then i came home & played the babeh, & then i fell asleep for like 2 hours. then my dad picked me up & we went on the boat til like 6, then we went to his house & ate lobster & clams.. & he dropped me off back home so i could finish my homework. OHEMGEE. iunno. steven made me mad today. hee. but i won't say why. erm.. tomorrow's picture day and i forgot to get a form so i don't think i can get my picture. but nicole said to have my mom write out a blank check so i can fill it in.. hopefully that works out. ughhhh we have to march in that fucking parade on like the 26th for s.o.b.d. & i don't wannaaaaa. then we have to play again for the homecoming game & thats gonna suck because i wanted to watch the game and hang out with my friends & stuff, and i can't if i'm in playing with the band. so yeah.. that made me a little disappointed but whatever; no biggie i'll live. but whatever. there's a dance tomorrow night from 7-10 but no one that i know except matt will be there so i don't think..actually i KNOW i'm not going. um. i don't know what else to write really.. yesterday was a pretty good day at school.. kinda fun, actually. wierd i know. school's not supposed to be fun. heh. but anywayyyyy, i don't really have much else to write. uhm, saturday are invitationals in wappingers, i don't know if the diving team's going to that, but the swimmers are. eh. then in like 2 weeks we're going camping with nicolaaaaa and her familia and some the coach always asks me "why i joined the team" and all this other crap. i joined because i wanted to learn to dive. whenever i can't do something right, i get frustrated and disappointed like almost any other human being would. then she asks me "why i have this look on my face like i'm so annoyed, i hate this, and i don't want to be here" ... uhhh. HELLO? jesus christ I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN. its something called FEAR. yeah okay i'm scared to do a back jump. i'll get over it. its not like i'm competing on monday so why worry about it? i'm trying my hardest.. she doesn't seem to care. i know coaches have to work us hard and be tough, but its like it doesn't matter what i tell ehr. JHASGDAJDG i just get so frustrated with myself because i can't do stuff as well as the otehr girls because i joined late and they're so much better than me. i keep telling myself i'll catch up, but when's that gonna happen? i can't wait forever; i have to compete sometime. and when that time comes i just hope to hell that i'm ready. wanna know why i love swimming? i love swimming because no one can tell that you're crying. <|3

kisses&kandykanes; oc