Marriage
Weddings and marriage are strange concepts. As a kid, I was all excited about one day marrying the love of my life in a fancy ceremony and being in love. I've been jaded and weird about love an relationships a long time. Even longer than the 8 year relationship I've been in with my current partner. I've been pretty consistently in a relationship with someone since I was 16. You'd think I would have a better outlook on things. Really, I think it boils down to apathy. Millennials get shit on all the time but after all of the school/standardized testing experiments, 9/11 and watching the economy and environment fall apart, it's difficult to care sometimes. I'm getting off track...
Last month Nikki V (now T) got married. I was a part of the process from beginning to end. It was wonderful seeing her get her day with her person, a person who brought out a different side of her and has definitely been great for her. I also watched her practically collapse from all of the stress. For years now I've been saying I don't want a wedding, and it's true. My stress and anxiety would never be able to handle the pressure and I hate the spotlight. I just want to throw a party and have fun. That's what Ed and I plan to do... eventually? His anxiety is worse than mine so bringing up topics like kids and marriage get met with horrified looks or some bizarre excuses.
I only even bring any of this up because I've witnessed a couple weddings in the time of COVID and have seen others I knew go through their ordeals on Facebook. Some of these people are the most entitled and it blows my mind. I get that weddings are about the "happy" couple ("happy" because major event planning seems like a nightmare no matter who is involved) but in the time of a pandemic and with a new variant on the way, throwing a tantrum because your dream wedding isn't happening or you have to make new accommodations is pretty selfish. The world can't and won't stop to revolve around you and your special day. It just can't. You're one of 7 billion in a dwindling population on a shrinking planet. Calm down.
I'm not sure when this stopped being a journal about my day-to-day life and became more of a blog on my thoughts or speculations but here we are. I'm in my early 30s with another birthday staring me in the face and constantly tired. Burnout is real.