(no subject)
so, i've learned that i can't depend on other people.
i have a problem.
the way things are in my life i find it very easy attach myself to other people.
well, there's no one in my life that i can completly depend on.
not my family
not my friends
and especially not some stupid boy.
i think my mom wants me to be miserable.
like, in all honesty.
yesterday i had to work at 6 AM, but i left early (11:30) because i didn't feel good. i was really shaky and i was hungry but i couldn't eat. so i threw up the only thing i had had, lemonade.
yuck, that's such a bad feeling.
anyways, i came home and slept for five hours.
then my mom pissed me off.
honestly, i don't want to live with her anymore.
i locked myself in my room and cried for an hour.
did she care?
no.
i was on the verge of doing things i've fought against for so long.
i want to get out of the house.
i had to get out of the house.
i tried to go on a walk. she told me i had to talk to her, or go back to my room.
the room where i had been crying for an hour, and did she stop to ask what was wrong? why i was so upset?
no.
i called stacy. i called my father. i called my therapist.
i listened to pink floyd & oasis laying on my bed staring at the walls.
when i had finally calmed down i very calmly told my mom that i needed to go for a walk.
she told me if i wasn't back in 20 minutes, i'd be grounded.
once it had been 20 minutes she called me and said "lauren, your 20 minutes are up, come home NOW."
fucking bitch.
then i came home and got to clean the kitchen and then played video games with my brother.
i worked today from 7 til 3.
i got my first paycheck yesterday, how exciting.
prom is in less than one week, also very exciting.
danielle and i went to see "a lot like love" thursday night.
it was really good, and very cute.
but it made me feel depressed. i almost cried during the movie.
pathetic.
i'm about to give up on guys.
every single one of them.
i can't depend on anyone.
i have a problem.
the way things are in my life i find it very easy attach myself to other people.
well, there's no one in my life that i can completly depend on.
not my family
not my friends
and especially not some stupid boy.
i think my mom wants me to be miserable.
like, in all honesty.
yesterday i had to work at 6 AM, but i left early (11:30) because i didn't feel good. i was really shaky and i was hungry but i couldn't eat. so i threw up the only thing i had had, lemonade.
yuck, that's such a bad feeling.
anyways, i came home and slept for five hours.
then my mom pissed me off.
honestly, i don't want to live with her anymore.
i locked myself in my room and cried for an hour.
did she care?
no.
i was on the verge of doing things i've fought against for so long.
i want to get out of the house.
i had to get out of the house.
i tried to go on a walk. she told me i had to talk to her, or go back to my room.
the room where i had been crying for an hour, and did she stop to ask what was wrong? why i was so upset?
no.
i called stacy. i called my father. i called my therapist.
i listened to pink floyd & oasis laying on my bed staring at the walls.
when i had finally calmed down i very calmly told my mom that i needed to go for a walk.
she told me if i wasn't back in 20 minutes, i'd be grounded.
once it had been 20 minutes she called me and said "lauren, your 20 minutes are up, come home NOW."
fucking bitch.
then i came home and got to clean the kitchen and then played video games with my brother.
i worked today from 7 til 3.
i got my first paycheck yesterday, how exciting.
prom is in less than one week, also very exciting.
danielle and i went to see "a lot like love" thursday night.
it was really good, and very cute.
but it made me feel depressed. i almost cried during the movie.
pathetic.
i'm about to give up on guys.
every single one of them.
i can't depend on anyone.