Jan 18, 2007 09:34
Yesterday was long and angry. I ended up driving out to my training class with Bikini Kill still wailing through the speakers.
I did my class then had to attend a meeting and then drove home. I was tired and distracted and I got the feeling Bikini Kill wasn't the answer to my problems.
Whilst contemplating Souleyes I got caught by a Speed Camera - Speeding. Crappy Crap Crap.
I just hope it will be one for doing 80 in a 70 zone and not one for doing 80 in a 60 zone.
I got home around 10:30 and put the 'puter on to update my MP3 player. I shifted tracks, deleted some and added others. I tucked into bed at around a quarter to eleven and tried to sleep.
Around 3:30am I got woken up for the first time (with subsequent wakings at 4:30, 5 & then finally getting up at 6:20) by my dog. But somewhere between 5 & 6 am I had a dream, one of my "pay attention" dreams which at times was very real to me.
In the dream I was at work, but a weird work and they were trying to make me work in an office with no roof - so outside in the weather. I was like "NO WAY!". Then they moved us to a new office but people were falling ill and they evacuated (yes bodies being carried around of RL work people). It's at this point that the dream got real "pay attention".
I ran into Kelly who I was really awesome friends with in High School, until she went behind my back and started after the guy I liked (and was kinda seeing!). (In RL past) I left them together and cut her off. In the dream she was grown up but in a school/college uniform, we hugged and she asked me about Steve and how gorgeous he was. I said, yeah Steve's ok but I have found someone else... (Note Steve isn't a real person!)
Fast forward through dancing in a lane filled with soft things but I win the heart of this someone else who is a teacher(?) at work. The last few moments of the dream have him arriving at the graduation ceremony, opening up his car and saying "Here she is!" to a 3 year old girl, who comes running to me. His daughter. The little girl grabs my leg and I feel huge love. I don't know if this is my daughter too, but I don't think she is. I look up at this guys smiling face. We start walking to the ceremony, I look over at him and contemplate his face. He's blond (what?? I don't like blonds) and he has his hair cut short with a bit of stubble. He's got rock star sunnies on but he's no rock star. He's not a trophy boyfriend. He smiles back at me in a crazy way and we hold hands.
I can still feel his palm touching mine.
The final moment has me sitting next to him with the 3 year old sitting on my lap giggling as we watch the ceremony.
I wake up, and crawl out of bed. I go straight to the shower and I am different. I do my hair up, put drops in my eyes to kill the redness, put on mascara and go to work.
I have faith, I have hope.
I just have to find HIM.
dreamguy,
speeding,
dream,
souleyes,
dogs,
pay attention